Page 100 of Mr. Frosty Pants
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep that simple for you. But you can see I have a ton to do. I won’t be bored while you’re at Vreeland’s.”
“Twenty-five percent of any increase in profit seems like too little to pay you for all that you’re doing.” He ate more of the burger, hoping to cover up how much he wanted Casey’s dream to come true. After all, it was what he’d bet against with Jonathan Stevens, and, boy, did he want to lose.
“I’ve told you before, it’s for my semester project. And I want to do it. I’mexcitedto do it. In some ways, I’ll get more out of it than you do. I promise.”
“You always were kind of a nerd about this stuff.”
“And you believed you weren’t worthy of people helping you, of being loved even, but you’re wrong.” Casey’s brows lowered, and he spoke seriously, like he wanted his words to penetrate to Joel’s core.
Joel’s palms grew sweaty. He didn’t know what to say, so he kept quiet, drinking more beer and popping a potato wedge into his mouth.
“My dad told me you came by his office,” Casey said seriously. He scrubbed a hand through his hair and then pushed his plate back, apparently done. “He told me you don’t have any faith in us lasting and that I’ve put in all my chips on the table for someone who didn’t have what it takes to pony up with their own. Those were his exact words.”
Joel’s mouth went dry, anger shooting through him along with a hot, messy sense of humiliation. He shoved his own plate away. He should have known Jonathan Stevens wouldn’t keep their conversation a secret. He just hadn’t realized exactly the way Jonathan would try to use it against him. “I gave you my mom’s ring,” Joel pointed out. “I promised to be here whenever you come back. I’m committed.”
“But you don’t think I’m going to stick around.” Casey’s eyes flashed hurt. “Dad said you were adamant that he should let me graduate from NYU, and not cut me off financially, because ‘this will die a natural death.’”
“I…” Joel didn’t have any defense for himself. It was true. He’d said those things, but no part of him believed them. “I did say that, but Casey—”
“And you know what’s hilarious? He was offended on my behalf.” Casey snorted, shaking his head. “He was more offended than I was, to be honest.”
Joel scrunched down in his seat.
“Do you know why I’m not offended?” Casey asked, sliding down to kneel on the floor by Joel’s feet. Bruno scooted away to make room for him there. Casey tilted Joel’s chin up, forcing him to meet his eyes. “Because, unlike my dad, I know you, and I realize your fear has nothing to do with me or how you feel about me. It’s all about that self-loathing we talked about.”
Joel whispered, “The one you said should be focused on my smoking?”
“That was dumb of me and I apologize.”
“You’ve been in therapy too long, man.” Joel shook his chin free of Casey’s grasp. He wanted out of this conversation now before Casey said something that made him split wide open, that broke him down, the way rimming or fucking broke him down. “I was lying to your dad. I do believe in us, Casey. I just wanted him to send you to New York for your last semester. That’s all. I’m a liar, Casey. I tell lies when I think it can help.”
“Maybe. And maybe you’re lying to me right now. I don’t really care either way, Joel.”
“You don’t?”
“No. The only way I can change your belief about us is to prove it to you.”
Joel croaked, “How will you do that?”
“By not leaving you.” Casey’s eyes bored into him.
“You have to graduate. I want you to.”
Casey smiled. “I mean by not leaving you emotionally. Yeah, I have to go back to NYU for a few months, but I’ll fly down to visit some weekends and during Spring Break. You can always come up to see me, too.” He touched Joel’s lower lip with the pad of his thumb. “And I’ll text and FaceTime every day. I’ll fly you up for my graduation, and you’ll see my apartment before I give it up. I’ll show you the city.”
“You always make me want to believe in your dreams, Casey.”
“You make me believe in yours, too. You dream in books and writing and in fantasies about the log house you’re going to build here on your land. You’re not alone in your dreams, Joel. You’re a living, breathing, striving human being, and I believe in you. I believe in us.”
“I believe you. I do. But—”
“But nothing. It’s been four years we’ve been apart, and nothing about how I feel about you has changed for me. I don’t see why it ever would.”
“It’s early days,” Joel muttered. “Give it a minute.”
“I’m planning to give it multiple decades, actually.”
Joel scoffed, but tears pricked his eyes. Christ, he’d never been such a crybaby as he’d been this week. “I guess I’ll let you prove it to me, then.”
