Page 29 of Mr. Frosty Pants
“7-Up.”
“Eh, it’ll do.”
“So…” Casey said after they’d both taken a bite of their sandwiches and washed it down with soda. He cleared his throat. “How’ve you been?”
“Busy. You?”
“Finals were tough, but next semester will be a breeze. I stacked my schedule that way from the beginning so I could have a relaxing last semester before I’m cast out into the cruel world to look for a job.”
“No advanced degree then?” Joel was surprised. He’d thought for sure Casey would go to law school, or get a master’s degree, or something hoity-toity to make him an exciting asset at some multibillion-dollar firm.
“No. Not yet anyway. Maybe never.”
“What does your dad think of that?”
“He doesn’t know.” Casey smile grew tighter. “I got accepted at the Wharton School for their MBA program, and Dad thinks I’m going to attend.” He shrugged. “But I’m not.”
“Why?”
“Because I hate the idea of it.” Mustard slipped out from the sandwich and slid down some of his fingers as he took a big bite. Joel wanted to lick it off. The thought unnerved him, and he flushed hot, sweating despite the chilly weather.
Casey wiped the mustard from his hand with a napkin. “I’m trying to figure out whatIwant, you know? All my life, I’ve done what was expected of me and what my parents wanted me to do, but that has to stop. It’s no way to go forward.”
“You can’t claim you’ve always done what was expected. Being gay, for example. Being out about it. That had to be at the very least unexpected and, knowing your folks, probably unwanted.” Joel’s lips twisted up, and he took a sip of his 7-Up before saying, “Low-class, even?”
Casey laughed bitterly. “Yeah, like I said this morning, it didn’t go over too well. But when I brought Theo home and my father realized that being gay with the right partner can open up unexpected doors? Well…” He shrugged. “He’s never going to jump up and down that I’m queer, but he’s mostly over it. Or he was before Theo and I broke up. But that’s my point.” Casey leaned closer, his sincerity ringing Joel like a bell. “In the end, it doesn’t matter what he thinks or if he’s happy with me.Ineed to be happy with me.”
Joel lifted a brow. “And you’re not?”
“No. I’m not.”
Joel frowned. How was that possible? Casey was handsome, smart, and a decent person. He’d had a boyfriend, and he’d slept with men—probably hot ones. He’d gotten into NYU on his own merit. He had money, lots of it. If Casey was lonely, so what? He could buy friends, couldn’t he? What other ingredients were necessary in life to whip up a batch of happiness? And why didn’t Casey have access to them?
“Areyouhappy?” Casey asked, studying him carefully.
Joel tried to think. Had he ever been happy? Earlier with Casey’s mouth on his, that’d been happiness, hadn’t it? Or had it been terror? Or horrible, desperate need?
So, no. Maybe he’d never been happy. He didn’t think happiness was a state of mind he’d ever had a real chance to entertain. Not since his mom died anyway. “I get by,” he said.
“Getting by isn’t loving your life and what you do and who you’re with.”
“That kind of life’s a fairy tale.”
“No, it’s not.”
“What do you know about it?” Joel shot Casey a half-hearted glare. “Happiness is a myth people convince themselves to believe in just so they can cling to hope during the all-too-real grim days. Name one person on earth who’s happy.”
Casey considered, “RJ’s happy. Mostly. He loves playing in bands and traveling the world. He’s got a boyfriend right now, and he seems to like him. I’m not saying his life is perfect, but RJ’s a happy guy, I think. I mean, I’d be willing to bet on it.” He frowned. “Probably.”
“Well, good on him.”
“My therapist says—”
“You have a therapist?” Joel snorted. “You really have gone New York on me, man.”
Casey shrugged off the slight. “Ann, my therapist, says I deserve to find out what really interests me. I’ve saved the extra money my parents have sent me over the last four years, and I’ve got a little bundle. I’m thinking of traveling when school’s out. Trying to see if somewhere out in the world calls to me.”
“What? Like thatEat Pray Lovelady?” Joel said, sneering.
