Page 80 of Mr. Frosty Pants
“I was. But…” Joel shrugged, eyes narrow and hard, his lips wet from his nervous tongue. “I broke down and bought a pack after I left your parents’ house. I figured if you didn’t come by tonight, I’d at least have the satisfaction of a smoke.”
“I called Becca. She told me you’d been at her place.”
Joel’s mouth tightened. “She’s my person when shit goes bad. That’s all.”
“And has shit gone bad?”
“What the fuck do you think, Casey? Your father said he was cutting you off if you stay involved with me and—”
“It’s not his business. He doesn’t have to know.”
“You want me to be a secret?”
“No. It’s just… No. I don’t want that at all. What I want is for us to agree to see what happens. My dad said some things. So what? They’re things he probably doesn’t mean. I know him. He’ll have regrets later.”
“Believe me. I know all about dads who say and do things they regret later, or at least pretend to regret, but what if he does mean it? What then?”
Casey swallowed hard. He’d done well at NYU. But if his father wasn’t going to pay for his final semester, then he’d just have to find another way to complete his education.
“It doesn’t matter,” Casey said quietly, trying to calm Joel down again. “I’ll get a job. I’ll go to school here in Knoxville. Or I won’t graduate at all. That’s fine too.”
“Are you insane? That’s notfine. You’re too good for that, Casey. You need a degree.”
“Why? All I really want is to get involved with people’s businesses, with a community, and contribute to good people’s growth and prosperity. Hell, if I could help you with your books and turn Vreeland’s into a successful store, that’d be satisfying enough to me. If I could help you make the store part of the fabric of Knoxville—”
“It alreadyispart of the fabric of Knoxville.”
“I know, but there are ways to capitalize on that and—”
“And I haven’t done a good job with it,” Joel agreed, his fingers trembling as he raked his hand into his dark hair, messing it up even more. “I’m not a great manager or marketer, I know. I’d rather be home, working on books. Which I’m also no good at marketing.”
“I’ve already said I’d help with that.”
“But you have so many more opportunities ahead of you. You can’t leave school to try to shore up my failing life.”
“Your life isn’t a failure. It’s just that it’s too hard to do this all alone.” Casey stepped closer. “You don’t have to be alone, Joel. I could be there with you, for you. We could work together.”
“From what your asshole dad was saying, it sounds like the least of it is your schooling. You’d be giving upthem, as well. The family.Yourfamily.”
“And that’s on him.” Casey’s stomach rolled at the thought of not seeing his parents anymore, of not being part of their life, of losing his connection to them. He was an only child. They were all he knew.
He wished he could call Ann and get her advice on how to move forward with all of this, how to talk to his father. But if his dad wasn’t paying for her services anymore, then he didn’t want to rack up additional expenses. Of course, he’d owe her at least a call or email in explanation of what was going on and to cancel their future appointments.
“You don’t mean that. You’ll regret it, and then you’ll hate me. Right now, living here seems exciting and fun. A place with just the two of us, where we can be alone. A love nest, or whatever the fuck. But that’s not reality. I’m broke, Casey. I can’t support myself, much less you. I catch fish out of the fucking lake to supplement my meals, and sometimes I go hungry. I don’t want that for you. I never want to see you eating ramen for a week because that’s all we can afford. It’s not what I want for you. Ever. Don’t you see? If you’re not going to be reasonable for yourself, then I’ll be reasonable for you.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that we can have tonight. But tomorrow you’ll go home to daddy and tell him you’re accepting his deal. I’ll be out of your life, but you’ll at leasthavea life—the life you were always supposed to live. Without me in it.”
“So you think I’m going to…what?” He tapped the box of condoms. “Fuck you and then just leave?”
“It’ll be a nice memory for us both.”
“A nice memory?” Casey shook his head. “For one thing, no. For another thing, you’ve never even been fucked before. It might not be a ‘nice memory’ at all. You might hate it. Some guys do.”
“I won’t hate it.”
“This is so not the point! But how the fuck would you know?”
