Page 90 of Mr. Frosty Pants
“Yeah.” Joel swallowed and met Casey’s eyes sadly. “Sorry.”
“C’mere?” Casey opened his arms, and Joel nearly dove into them. Casey held him close, smelling his hair and kissing his ear. “I love you.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
Joel nodded and clung even tighter. Casey tried to infuse him with his devotion, to fill whatever holes his father had left in him with his own affection.
“I got dinner for us. Shoney’s.”
Joel huffed a wet laugh, and when he pulled out of Casey’s embrace he quickly wiped his cheeks with the back of his hands. “Oh goodie. My favorite.”
“Super classy,” Casey said with a wink, letting Joel’s emotion slide by without making a big deal of it. It wasn’t the time. He needed to help Joel feel safe before he probed whatever raw wound had been opened.
“The pinnacle of class,” Joel agreed, shoving his hands into his jean jacket.
They followed Bruno back into the trailer and past where he collapsed on his dog bed with his new toy.
After dishing out the food and microwaving it warm again, they settled down at the little table for their Christmas meal. “To Christmas,” Casey said, lifting his beer for a toast.
Joel clinked and then dug in. Based on the little sounds he made, it wasn’t too bad in his opinion. Casey tried a bite of the turkey and gravy first. It wasn’t bad.
“How did it go with your pop?” Casey asked once they’d both eaten enough to offset the pangs of hunger.
“It could have gone worse. In fact, I’m surprised it didn’t. I think I shocked him.”
“In what way?”
“I told him I’m gay and in love. And I told him I wouldn’t be coming to see him anymore.”
“Joel…” That was a huge decision, and Casey didn’t know what to say.
“I know you probably think I’m a dick to ever walk away from my pop, but…” Joel held up his phone. It showed twenty missed calls, all from his father. His voice was raw, almost broken as he whispered, “My voice mail is full of his ranting.” When he opened up his texts, he passed the phone to Casey so that he could read them.
The invectives and insults were so abusive they made Casey nauseous. He handed the phone back to Joel and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not like this is new. And it’s definitely not your fault.” Joel rubbed at his eyes and sighed heavily. “I just wanted you to see what it is that I’m leaving behind.” He chewed on his bottom lip and looked away, like he was ashamed to meet Casey’s eyes even as he went on to say, “I’m not a cruel person, and it’s not like I don’t care about him. But I won’t take this kind of treatment anymore. From anyone. Not from him, and not from…” Joel trailed off. “I won’t.”
“I’m glad,” Casey said, reaching out to take Joel’s hand and squeezing, relieved when Joel met his eyes again. “I mean, I’m not glad that he’s the kind of man who treats you this way, but I don’t want you to take it anymore either.”
“You don’t think I’m a terrible son?”
“No.” Casey stroked Joel’s hand with his thumb. “You deserve to be treated with kindness, Joel. Only ever kindness. And love. Because I love you, Joel.”
Joel ducked his head like he was trying to believe Casey’s words.
“I know it was hard,” Casey said. “I know you didn’t do this lightly. You never do anything lightly.”
“Yeah.” Joel tugged his hand free and pushed his food around on his plate. “I hope I did the right thing.”
“You’re a good man. If this feels right, then it is.” They ate in silence for a few minutes, the weight of Joel’s day coming down on them.
“It was easier than I think it should have been, actually,” Joel confessed. “Especially for doing it on Christmas. But being with you the last few days, thinking about the future—with or without you in it—I realized that I can’t keep subjecting myself to his abuse. When I’m with you, when you talk to me like I’m…” His mouth twisted up, and he looked away.
“I know.”
Joel searched Casey’s eyes again, and his shoulders relaxed. “You really get it? I don’t need to say it?”
