Page 73 of Bitter Heat
Kerry gritted his teeth together.You’re not forgiven, was right on the tip of his tongue, but he held it back. He wanted them gone more than he wanted to dig the knife in deeper. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from saying, “I will petition again to share my next heat with someone else. Will you grant that?”
Lukas and Monte shared a long look, and then Lukas shook his head.
Kerry rose, put his napkin down on the plate, and saying nothing more, left the dining room. Neither Lukas nor Monte tried to stop him. He went upstairs for his bag and the keys to the car, and without hesitation, he left without saying goodbye.
What good was an apology for hurting his feelings when they planned to continue to violate and use his body? No good at all.
Janus waited on the corner, just as they’d discussed, and the sight of him—slim and strong, tall and steady—leaning against the pharmacy’s exterior wall kicked Kerry in the chest like a mule. He could barely see through his tears when he pulled the car over, and he buried his head in his hands, hair falling forward like a curtain on either side.
Janus climbed into the passenger seat next to him. “Sweetheart, wolf-god, what’s happened? Why are you crying?”
“I’m so happy to see you,” Kerry gasped, snot leaking from his nose and a sob catching hard in his throat. “I’m just so happy to see you waiting there.”
Janus made a noise of confusion, but he tugged Kerry over the gearshift, careful not to let it dig much into Kerry’s protruding stomach and sang that soft song from the night before. The one Kerry wanted to learn by heart and sing right back to him.
Their lullaby love song.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
The week followingthe stressful meeting with the Monhundys in Blumzound was a hectic one. A midsummer storm had led to a flooded mine, which had trapped some miners down below. Once rescued, they required all sorts of doctoring for everything from chills to wounds to panic attacks. Add on the usual patients, the omegas due to give birth, and those who did go into labor (all thankfully came out the other side alive), and it was a stressful, long day. Not to mention the continued medical attention Charlie needed in his convalescence. After everything, Janus was too exhausted to follow up on writing a letter to Yosef Deckel explaining Kerry’s situation, and almost didn’t have the energy to enjoy Kerry at night.
But finally, the week was over, and the day of rest had begun. With no true emergencies to deal with and Charlie discharged and on his way home, Janus was able to sleep late, take his time over breakfast, and sun himself on a rock by the lake for several hours. And, wolf-god, it all felt so good.
Especially everything with Kerry. It felt perfect.
Janus had noticed Kerry making good progress with his stack of baby clothes, but he’d also been working on some secret knitting project, too, one that he hid whenever Janus was around. Janus assumed it was a gift of some sort, but he didn’t want to get his heart set on it only to be disappointed when it turned out to be something for Zeke later. Still, it gave him a lot of pleasure to imagine Kerry working on a gift just for him. Whatever it was, he was certain it would be perfect in every way.
Just like Kerry.
The thought brought him up short. He’d been having more and more of thoughts of that nature lately, undeniable and compulsive, and yet…
Objectively, Kerry was far from a perfect man. But try telling that to whatever part of him wanted Kerry for his own, because that part was willing to start a fight about it.
Kerry was, to him,perfect. It was strange. He’d never felt this way about any other omega and hadn’t heard other alphas, aside fromÉrosgápe, describe these kinds of feelings. Was it love?
The sun was halfway up the sky, and he decided to douse his worries in cool water before heading inside to write that letter to Yosef. He walked into the lake, feeling the healing balm of its water on his hot skin, and with a sigh, ducked beneath and swam far out. When he surfaced, he flipped onto his back and floated, feeling all his stress, tension, and anxiety slip away. If only Kerry were here with him, then it would be perfect.
There was that word again.
Janus rose up to tread water and, looking back toward the house, wondered what Kerry was up to now. He’d left him helping his Pater with the airing out of the closed, unused boarding rooms, based on a note sent up that morning from Blumzound.
Despite it being the day of rest, apparently the promise of a handsome bonus sum could persuade Zeke to open the closed rooms for some travelers determined to see the miraculous Hud’s Basin. Peering through the trees, he caught sight of movement on the trail. It had to be Kerry, freed from his work at last, and coming down to join him in the lake.
Janus ducked under and swam for shore.
When Janus surfaced, his heart giddy with anticipation, he searched the trail and didn’t see anyone or anything. Finally reaching the shallows, he stood up and walked to the beach, naked as always, and called out, “Kerry?”
A most unexpected figure emerged from the trail. Janus blinked in confusion and briefly considered that he might be dreaming. But no, when he looked more closely, it had to be real.
There in the sun, emerging from the green tunnel of trees, was Caleb, a wide smile on his face and a baby strapped over his chest. “Janus!” he called out. “I was afraid you’d gone mountain-wild, and it looks like I was right.”
Janus strode forward, soaking wet and confused as hell, but he gripped Caleb in a hug, getting his white clothes and the baby all wet. He released him and looked him up and down. “You’re here? Why? How?”
“Howis easy. We came by train. Then we had to wait overnight for a car willing to make the trip up because I wasn’t going to risk Bekhem’s neck on a wagon. Thewhyis also easy: you never wrote back, and Ray said you’d called asking for Yosef as an attorney, and after your almost daily letters, your sudden silence plus that news was, to say the least, concerning.”
“And so, you hopped a train with your infant son?”
“Yes.” Caleb laughed. “Oh, Xan wasn’t happy, let me tell you.”
