Page 93 of Bitter Heat
Thirteen months after Tristan’s birth
“Feed! Feed. Please,feed. Please,” Kerry whispered urgently to Tristan. His nipple looked puffy with unspent milk, and Janus knew that when a baby began to wean from chestfeeding it could be unpleasant for the pater.
“It’ll pass,” Janus said reassuringly, stepping into the room. “I know it’s uncomfortable now, but in a few days your body will learn to make less…or if he’s given it up, none at all.”
Kerry stared at him with bleak eyes, holes of pain.
Janus’s gut tangled into a pile of writhing snakes. “What’s wrong?”
“He needs to feed.”
“He’s well old enough to eat on his own. Your pater was giving him mashed peas the other day. You can’t expect to nurse him forever.”
“If he stops feeding from me…” Kerry trailed off, closed his eyes, and gritted his teeth. “If he quits, my heat will come back.”
Janus’s stomach went from lightly roiling to full-on nausea. He hadn’t considered that.
Kerry tried to push his nipple into Tristan’s mouth again, but the little one was having none of it. He turned his face away and flailed out with his hand, his stubborn little jaw set.
“You can’t make him feed, Kerry. And you can’t stop him from growing,” Janus finally said, taking Tristan from Kerry and pushing the baby’s sweaty curls off his forehead. He put him down on the ground, watching as he rolled and crawled with great determination toward his blanket and the pile of soft toys Caleb had sent. “There has to be another solution.”
“I’m scared,” Kerry said miserably, wiping a hand over his face. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me, but heats have always been…” Kerry shivered. “And I’m afraid it will change what we have if…if it hurts and…I can’t go through that again. Losing everything I thought I had. The whole…wolf-god damned thing.” He blinked, and his voice went deeper, darker. “Forgive me. Please. I’m so sorry for being scared of this.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me, sweetheart. Of course, you’re scared. But we can’t stop it from coming, and so we’ll have to promise each other to do our best. I never want to hurt you.”
Kerry nodded, still miserable, his eyes downcast and sad.
Janus chucked his chin up. “I love you. Heat is supposed to be a blessed union betweenÉrosgápe. We’ll be fine.”
Kerry swung his arms around Janus’s neck and held on. Janus held tight, too, praying to wolf-god that his sweet, traumatized omega would find ecstasy in his arms. The heat would come regardless, and so would orgasm—which, without love, could be a hollow, relentless pleasure. It would be up to Janus to bring the joy.
It was clear that Kerry was too nervous about it by far.
Fifteen months after Tristan’s birth
Kerry sat withFan having tea and letting the man play with Tristan when the sharp pinpricks of oncoming heat first began. It was a relentless stinging under his skin that he knew wouldn’t fade no matter how many cold showers he took. This was the sign that had let him know it was time to alert the Monhundys that he’d need transport to the prison very soon.
Now everything was different. He didn’t look forward to the heat, exactly. He wouldn’t gothatfar. But the stone of horror that had rolled around in his gut for far too long had dissolved over the last several months of Janus’s reassurances. His devoted alpha had sworn that a heat between them would be like nothing Kerry had ever experienced before.
He trusted Janus implicitly, and so he had to trust him in this, too.
“Fan,” he said cautiously, as if talking too loudly or quickly might trigger the heat to come on faster. He had time. He still had plenty of time. “Fan, I need to go home. I think I need to prepare for a few days’ respite. The heat is starting under my skin.”
Fan got up from where he rolled on the floor with chubby Tristan, and promptly went to the front door, opened it, and yelled down to the stables. “Janus! Come quickly!”
“Don’t scare him like that,” Kerry said, laughing. He rose carefully, pushing his hair behind his ears, and then bent to gather Tristan and his baby things. “He’ll think that—”
The door burst open, and Janus came racing in, almost skidding to a comical stop in the middle of the room. “What’s wrong?” he said, eyes casting around for the trouble. Fear left his face as he saw Kerry and Tristan, alive and well, on the floor picking up toys to go home. Tristan, for his part, was chewing a toy, but that was his way of helping.
“My heat’s coming,” Kerry said. “Not immediately,” he amended, raising his hand to ward off Janus lifting him up and carrying him away to fuck him silly. “But soon. We have time to prepare.”
Janus grabbed up the baby, all the things, and then helped Kerry up, too. “Let’s go.”
Kerry laughed. “We have time.”
“I know, but…let’s go.” He shifted awkwardly, and Kerry shook his head, still laughing.
“It’s not like we need to practice.”
