Page 40 of Bitter Heat
And that sudden realization had killed the wistful, romantic staging Kerry had set up. The physicality of Janus’s person had sucked the air out of the room for a few crucial seconds, and by the time Kerry got his head around it, it was too late.
Besides who did Kerry think he was? A single omega ripe for seduction? He was a contracted, pregnant omega with an alpha in prison for rape. He was in the least romantic situation imaginable. No amount of sweet singing and mysterious bird-flying behaviors in an attic would change that. Janus might feel for him as any alpha would feel toward a pregnant omega alone, but that was due to pheromones, not true desire or respect. Not what Kerry ached down to his bones to experience, even if he didn’t dare hope for it.
And why would Janus ever respect Kerry? Underneath, Janus was probably like all those city people Kerry had met while living with Wilbet—snotty and snobby, and disinterested in omega rights or feelings, so long as there was plenty of money to go around. And even if Janus wasn’t like those city people…it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Kerry was on a crash course to an unavoidable collision with more pain and misery. He would birth a child he loathed, and there would be no reprieve or salvation for him. Why was it taking him so long to understand that? Why was he letting himself want someone he could never have?
Climbing back up into the windowsill, Kerry pressed his hand against his stomach and felt it again: the fluttering kick of the child inside. Kerry moved his hand away. He knew what that sensation meant. Despite the tea, the blood, and the cramps, the child continued to grow and thrive. Dr. Rose had said so, and when Kerry had listened to the child’s heartbeat through the stethoscope, it had sounded demanding in its strength. Determined.
His alpha had always been a stubborn bastard. Of course, his son would be, too.
Dr. Rose had been incredibly pleased. So had Monte and Lukas. Kerry shuddered remembering the glee on their faces when they’d listened to the heartbeat, too.
Searching desperately for another thought to overshadow that one, he focused in on the recent memory of Janus declaring Kerry’s song lovely. His hazel eyes had shone so earnestly as he’d said it, and for a moment, Kerry had almost started to sing for him again.
But romantic ideas and hopes were what had gotten him into the situation with Wilbet. He’d be worse than a fool to indulge in them ever again. Kiwi chirruped from his perch in the rafters. Kerry stared out to the lake, blue and glistening in the sun. One by one, he banished all his questions about Janus, along with his lingering dreams and fantasies. He swore to never again indulge in a staged encounter like this one. The time for youthful romantic hopes was gone forever. He’d sealed his fate when he signed the contract.
Not even the good opinion of a handsome, gentle alpha doctor could salvage his future now, much less his heart. There was nothing more to be said or done about it.
Pheromones and temptations be damned.
PART TWO
Early Summer
CHAPTER TEN
Two weeks passedand yet another holy day of rest was upon them. Despite his curiosity, Janus grew no closer to solving the mystery of Kerry. He’d remained a bundle of contradictory signals. Janus had come to think of their interactions as a dance called “come here and get away from me.” The scent of the man continued to intoxicate and intrigue Janus. But Kerry ran warm and cold like a tap. One moment he’d flush prettily when talking with Janus over breakfast, and the next he’d be cold, distant, and withdrawn—his hand over his swelling stomach, and eyes devoid of interest, much less passion.
As the days slid by the pregnancy hormones did their work, too. Janus could easily smell the sweet ripening of Kerry’s body, and he felt the call of that scent down to his very cells. He wanted to protect and touch, to soothe and coddle, and yes, to own and fuck. It was frustrating, to say the least. And it seemed absurd to him now that he’d ever been around a pregnant omega andnotfelt this way before. Because ithadto be Kerry’s pheromones and the absence of a buffering alpha that made Janus react so strongly. There was no other explanation for his urges.
Janus sat in his window pondering the sweet scent of slick he’d picked up when he’d passed Kerry in the hallway earlier in the day. Licking his lips, he closed his eyes and reached for it again, hoping the scent still lingered in the air along with Kerry’s usual odor. Kerry boasted the most delicious slick Janus had ever scented, and he’d had the opportunity to indulge in the smell and taste of many an omega’s slick over his young life. But none had ever left him horny and thunderstruck like Kerry’s.
Yes.
There it was. The delicate wonder of it made Janus’s cock swell and ache, and he massaged himself gently, enjoying the tease of scent and sensation together. He closed his eyes and pictured Kerry in the attic, hair loose and free, and he dared to imagine him on his knees, mouth open, and—
The sound of purposeful feet on the stairs jerked him from his fantasy.
Standing up, he quickly hid the evidence of his arousal and was glad he had when his door swung open after only a perfunctory tap.
“Letter for ya,” Zeke said distractedly. He wore an apron and a serious expression. Janus knew from their morning discussion over breakfast that Zeke was making an experimental cake containing rhubarb he’d grown in his garden. He didn’t linger. He handed over the letter and then dashed back downstairs to his kitchen.
Eagerly, Janus looked at the handwriting on the envelope, and his heart did a small flip to see that it was Caleb’s and not his uncle’s. He ripped open Caleb’s letter and read it greedily.
Dear Janus,
Accept my sincere apologies for the lateness of my reply. You sent your letter to our house in Virona, where it sat unopened for two weeks. Unfortunately, our servants hadn’t been informed to forward on any mail from you, and so assumed it wasn’t urgent. We had been in the city, residing in Urho’s residence, as we do from time to time to visit Xan’s brother and parents before the babe is born (which should be any day—any second really). Imagine my distress to return to Virona and find two missives from you, and one of them asking urgently for advice.
Janus read over the rest of the letter quickly, and then, getting the gist of it all at once, went back over it more slowly from his perch on the windowsill in his bedroom. He took long breaks from it to consider more fully the implications of Caleb’s sentences, drinking in the reassuring sight of the lake reflecting vibrant green leaves as late spring transitioned into summer.
In addition to the incredibly thoughtful and thought-provoking letter, there were two photographs, captured family moments that Xan had taken with one of the new-fangled portable cameras recently available for purchase. Caleb wrote they had multiple copies of each shot and were sending them around to friends and family. Janus studied them both carefully with a longing in his heart that had less to do with the people in the pictures, and more to do with the sense of family captured within them. Would he ever have that?
The first photo was of Caleb dressed all in loose, white clothes and round with child again, sitting with his oldest son, Riki, on the beach, helping him make a sandcastle. The second photo was of Urho holding Caleb and Xan’s second child, an alpha or beta (only time would tell), named Levi. Urho swung the child by his fat little arms around in the garden. There was no picture of Xan. He was most likely the one behind the camera.
Janus stared at the photo of Caleb a bit longer, taking in the large mound of his stomach. At this rate, Caleb was having a child nearly every year and a half. It made Janus nervous. He knew Caleb loved being a pater, but he didn’t see why he had to risk it so often. Two healthy sons should be enough for anyone, especially if Levi turned out to be an alpha.
Soon Kerry would be round like this, too, and ready to give birth. Janus wondered what that would be like, who would be there when the labor began, and if it would fall to him to deliver the child or not. Kerry would be just as beautiful as Caleb at this size, no doubt about it. Janus could easily imagine the way Kerry would look as he grew heavy with child. The image gave him warm chills. They washed over him easily, a peace descended as he held the image in his mind’s eye.
Finally, Janus put Caleb’s family photos aside and returned his attention to the most interesting paragraphs at the bottom of the letter. He’d already read them over twice now, and yet he still wanted to wring more understanding from the words.
