Page 52 of Bitter Heat
“That’s too much,” Kerry finally gasped, twisting his hips out of Janus’s grip. “Please stop. He never—I’ve never—” His voice broke off, and tears filled his eyes. He looked like he was going to die or swallow his tongue, or both.
Janus had questions. So many questions. But his mind was an endless roar of satisfaction. He gathered Kerry to him, nuzzled his hair, his neck, and his chest, and then muttered, “Let’s get you somewhere safe.”
Kerry shivered against him, a cry of release making him go rigid and then soft again. “Stop,” he finally huffed, using what seemed to be every ounce of energy he had left to pull free of Janus’s embrace. “Stop saying things like that to me. It’s not fair. It’s not even true. There is nowhere safe for me, Janus.” His right cheek was scraped from where he’d pressed it against the bark of the fallen log, and his chest held scrapes, too. Janus wanted to bandage them properly and kiss Kerry after, begging his forgiveness for hurting him, for making their joining rough, but Kerry rasped on, “This was such a bad idea. I can’t afford to…” He shook his head, then looked down at his beautiful, round belly. He raised a fist as if he might punch it, injure himself, but Janus leapt up and grabbed it from the air.
“What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking nothing,” Kerry said, uncurling his fist, though Janus still held his forearm in a tight grip. The fire in Kerry’s eyes winked out. He was the cold, distant man from Zeke’s reading hour in the living room at night. All heat vanished in the blink of an eye. “I think I should wash off and go inside,” he said, as if from a great, great distance. “This can’t happen again.”
Janus stared after him in frustrated perplexity as Kerry walked back to the water on obviously wobbly legs and splashed off his cum- and slick-covered penis, balls, and thighs. He paid special attention to his hole, and Janus wanted to growl, to make him stop washing their combined odor away. He wanted to cover him with his scent again. Immediately.
But Kerry was shaking, and not from the sex they’d had. His expression was grim and determined, and when Janus rose to follow him up the path, he shook his head and held a hand up to stop him. “Give me space,” he whispered. “Please. Let me breathe.”
Janus held back, his heart beating like he’d run a marathon and his hands itching to grab Kerry and drag him to his side. But he let him go. The last thing Kerry needed was to be manhandled and hurt by another alpha. Some sneaking thought to that effect kept him silent, too. Kerry had a right to his feelings and fears. Janus needed to respect them. And not feed them. Soothe them and not irritate them.
Kerry took the only towel and so when Janus washed off, too, sorrow at the loss of their combined odor striking deep in him, he had no choice but to dry off in the sun or put on his clothes while still wet.
So, he spread out on a rock near the edge of the lake, laying back to stare up at the sun and clouds above, and tried to make sense of what had happened, what they’d done.
Tried to figure out if it could ever happen again.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“I’m not goingto fuck him, Pater.”
“But you already did,” Pater said, rolling his eyes. They were sitting together in the rocking chairs on the porch, with a pleasant view of the sparkling lake. It was Kerry’s preferred place to rest and think.
Janus had left for his work with Dr. Crescent at dawn, and Kerry had watched him go before coming down to the kitchen for his breakfast. The night before had been awkward over dinner, but Kerry had claimed to be too tired to read in the living room, and Janus had claimed the same, so they’d both headed up to their respective bedrooms, alone, rather than sit in discomfort with Zeke.
Kerry hadn’t anticipated being able to sleep, but he’d fallen into a deep state of rest as soon as he tucked up in his bed. The swimming and sex caught up with him like a freight train. He’d dreamed of pleasant things for the first time in ages. As if Janus’s touch had banished the nightmare of Wilbet for a time.
Dawn had brought with it a fresh sense of optimism that Kerry hadn’t felt in years. The sensation wore off, though, as the memories of Janus’s kiss, touch, and passion flared up in his mind and made himwant. He’d been wet with slick all morning, craving more, and wishing he’d never had the first taste. Worse, the baby was restless, too, twisting and turning inside, a constant reminder of how completely tied Kerry was to another alpha and another life.
Determined to focus on the reality of what was to come—a life that couldn’t include Janus’s passion and care—Kerry rocked back and forth, sewing a baby’s sleeping gown from the cloth Pater had bought while he’d met with the Monhundys. Kerry had made a handful of paternity clothes for himself already, including the drawstring pants he had taken to wearing after his stomach had expanded to the point where he could no longer button his pants.
Pater wasn’t about to give up his plan easily, though, and so carried on with his argument. “I’m only a beta, so maybe I can’t smell ’im on you, but I have eyes. I can see what happened. You’re both softer from it, and yet tense at the same time. I know ya took pleasure with ’im.”
Kerry groaned, rolling his eyes again.
“What? It’s good for ya, son. Wolf-god wants omegas to be pleasured during pregnancy. It makes for an easy birth.”
Kerry pricked his thumb with the needle, and he cursed softly before lifting it to his mouth to suck the blood away. There was a small red stain on the cloth where he’d bled on it, and he frowned, holding it up to the light. “I’m contracted to Wilbet.”
“No,” Pater shook his head. “Mark my words, that’ll be broken. It can’t last.”
“Pater, what madness are you going on about? Itwilllast!” Kerry burst out. His thumb throbbed, and he blinked rapidly, trying to keep tears from coming to his eyes. It was just a prick—nothing he couldn’t handle. “Stop believing in fairy tales, Pater. The Monhundys want me to make more babies for them. Don’t be foolish. They know he’ll never win another omega over. No one in their right mind would agree to share a heat with him again. So, they aren’t going to let me go. The best I can hope for is…” Kerry trailed off.
He didn’t know anymore. He’d thought the best he could hope for would be a life here with his pater in between bouts of complete misery and passing off his sons to be raised by the Monhundys, but he didn’t know if that was enough. How many pregnancies would they try to wring out of him before he died? Or went insane? Or decided to kill himself for real this time?
Pater had an answer to the question, though. “The best you can hope for is to attract a powerful alpha who will save you from—”
“Janus is not a powerful alpha. He’s poorer than either of us. He can barely afford an extra candle.”
“Now you’re being an obtuse brat. Janus has influence in a powerful family. The Heelies are wealthy enough that even I’ve heard of ’em here in ol’ Hud’s Basin.”
“I’m assuming he’s lost their support given his situation here. And even if he hasn’t, I’m not going to use him like that.” Kerry tossed the baby’s gown into the sewing kit by the rocker and shoved his thumb back in his mouth. Why wouldn’t it stop bleeding? If he couldn’t get the stain out, he’d have to waste the material and start another gown from scratch. Even he wasn’t morbid enough to dress his child in a blood-stained garment.
“Yes, you are going to use him exactly like that,” Pater said, slapping his hand against his knee. “For wolf-god’s sake, Kerry, he wants ya to use him.”
