Page 58 of Bitter Heat
Kerry glanced around, a sudden, unexpected curiosity burning in him. He’d told Janus all kinds of things about his life, and it only occurred to him now that he’d asked Janus very little about his. Perhaps Kerry had been so desperate to continue to feel safe with the man that he’d been afraid to do anything to challenge it. If he dug into Janus’s past, who knew what he might find?
But now, holding the photo of this gorgeous omega, he itched to know what was in the letter, too. No doubt, it contained a detailed birth announcement for this Bekhem Riggs Heelies, but what if it held more? Some kind of key to Janus that Kerry hadn’t ever thought to look for, and didn’t know he needed? Or maybe that was just his excuse for violating Janus’s privacy and sliding the note back out of the envelope again. He ignored the pangs of guilt as he unfolded it and began to read.
Dear Janus,
I’m pleased to tell you that all your prayers for another safe delivery weren’t in vain. Bekhem was born a week and a half ago, and I am doing very well. Oh, Janus, he is such a beautiful boy! I find I’m quite overwhelmed with love for him! Each time I’m pregnant, I think there’s no way I can love a new child as much as the ones who came before him, and each time I do. He’s a little angel. Though he looks nothing like Xan, nor does he look like me. Thank wolf-god he doesn’t look like Urho! The less said about that, the better, obviously. But it isn’t as though it wasn’t a possibility…
Urho says he looks a bit like Xan’s pater, but in actuality, I think he looks only like himself.
In your last letter, I found much of interest in between all your lines of fretful worry over my health. And all because I hadn’t responded quickly enough for your liking to the three missives you’d sent over the course of the week before. Three letters in a week, Janus. Really? It’s a bit much, don’t you think? Have you heard of this small thing called patience?
Regardless, again, I apologize. I’m afraid I was rather busy, oh, giving birth and then being forced into a ridiculously long recovery period by my adoring alpha and overprotective doctor. I felt fine straight away after Bekhem made his appearance, but oh, no, they wouldn’t hear of me doing anything they deemed strenuous. Which apparently included reading mail. So, yes, I’m sorry for the delay in my response and for causing you anxiety. My alpha and doctor can be quite annoying, to say the least, but they are both so absurdly protective around births. Especially since I struggled so much to regain my strength after Levi came along. His was a brutal birth, but he was such a sweet, fat baby. Luckily Bekhem was a skinny little breeze to push out, and healthy as can be.
Nevertheless, what I meant to say, my dear friend, is that in between your frantic blathering concerns about my health, I sensed a change of some kind has occurred in your relationship with K. Your tone when writing of him has adopted a rather, shall we say, affectionate and protective air. Do be careful. The Monhundys aren’t a clan to be trifled with. They’re powerful and not above putting their own interests above those of K.
Though admittedly they are much less powerful in society than before their son destroyed their family name, but that doesn’t change the law regarding their control over their son’s omega. Besides, what is more dangerous than a wounded lion? Not that I’ve ever seen a lion myself, much less a wounded one, but you take my meaning all the same.
Otherwise, my only advice to you regarding K remains the same: gentle, gentle, gentle, dearest Janus. He is also a wounded man. Use your nursing skills to their best effect.
Now, on to your other concerns: Urho and Xan insist that I continue to “recover myself” (whatever that means for I feel quite well) before I pursue arrangements for the charity auction you asked me to put on for the poor boy with the crushed foot. But have no worry. I will indeed put forth effort toward helping your mountain people in their struggles toward a more secure and healthy life. Your mountain people…do you see what I’ve done there, darling? I’ve already accepted that we’ve lost you to the hills for good.
The verve and life in your letters might not signify happiness, per se, but they do signify commitment and passion. And that, dear friend, I’m grateful to see finally directed somewhere useful. (And if we’re forward with one another, which we always are, I’m delighted to see your passionnotdirected at me for a change.)
Please write soon. I’m perishing for entertainment. The alphas in this household won’t even let me work in my studio for another week. I have a few pieces to finish up and now a charity auction to organize. But after that, I’m considering some travel. I’m tired of the sea air—all salty, bracing, and fresh. And I’m tired of the city air, too, for that matter. Too much exhaust from cars these days. What do you think, Janus? Do you recommend a sojourn in your beautiful mountains for a change of pace? Is there room to spare at your boarding house?
Ah, my handsome alpha is summoning me. It’s time for Bekhem’s feeding to begin, so I must wrap this letter up quickly.
Xan and Urho send their best, the children send their babbling regards, and I, as always, send my love.
Your friend,
Caleb
Kerry stared at the signature. His heart squeezed in his chest, and he clenched his jaw tight. Flicking his eyes back to the photograph included in the letter, he gazed at the beautiful man and child again. There was no comparison. At his youngest and most beautiful, Kerry had never shone half as bright as this omega. He slipped the picture and the note back into the envelope and shoved it into his sewing kit to give to Janus when he came back from his day with Dr. Crescent. But as soon as he sat back with his knitting needles again, the temptation to grab the note up and read it again rose up in him even though he’d already burned most of the words into his mind.
Janus and this Caleb shared no ordinary friendship. The letter was written with such candor and teasing, bordering on flirtation, that Kerry couldn’t help but wonder at the history between the men. Had they been lovers? Were they lovers now? Was this the scandal that had run Janus out of the city and society? Taking another alpha’s omega as a lover was beyond the pale, and yet everyone knew it happened. But taking his cousin’s omega as a lover? That would be something society and family wouldn’t easily forgive.
Kerry tossed his knitting aside and rubbed a hand over his face. Wolf-god, perhaps that was why Janus had been so easy about taking Kerry on as his lover, despite his contract with Wilbet. Janus must be accustomed to screwing men with commitments elsewhere. Possibly he liked that Kerry could never be his, maybe it was…what did they call it? A kink of some sort.
Kerry felt sick. A ball of rage burned in his gut. He felt as though he might vomit. So, this was how jealousy felt. He’d never truly known. When he’d been with Wilbet, he’d only been grateful when another man attracted Wilbet’s attentions. Even though it was humiliating to know Wilbet was cheating on him, it meant it was all that much less likely for Wilbet to come to Kerry’s bed to take pleasure in Kerry’s pain. He’d never been jealous of those men. Mostly, he pitied them.
As for his sex life before Wilbet, Kerry had never been in love. He’d never even had a close friend to confide in. In fact, there was no one in Kerry’s life who he could ever speak with so candidly and with such teasing affection. Not even Pater, and definitely not Janus.
While Kerry trusted Janus as much as he could trust any alpha, at night, sated and curled around Janus’s muscled body as he slept, some part of Kerry was still waiting for Janus to betray him. He glanced down at the letter again. Maybe he didn’t have to wait. Maybe Janus had been betrayingsomeoneall along. Caleb, Kerry, other men…who could say?
Kerry strode up and down the length of the side porch and then looped around the house. His hands shook, and his stomach twisted gruesomely. He shoved his hands in his pockets and took them out again. The baby flipped around and around inside him, using his little feet to shove off vital, tender organs. It hurt.
“Wolf-god damn him,” Kerry whispered, stomping down from the porch and starting up the path leading up-mountain to Dr. Crescent’s house. He didn’t know if Janus was working there today or if they would be out on rounds, but if he couldn’t confront Janus to his face, he could ask Fan for his advice. Fan would take many an omega’s secrets to the grave, and while he wasn’t someone Kerry called ‘friend’ exactly, he already held one of Kerry’s secrets close. Perhaps he could handle one more.
When Kerry burst out into the clearing near the former stable where Dr. Crescent met with patients, he was stunned to see a fairly large line of patients waiting for help. A baby wailed from inside the stables and as Kerry approached, he saw Janus holding it against his chest, comforting the small thing, while Dr. Crescent worked on an unconscious, pale omega that Kerry immediately recognized as the sickly young Charlie Myles, while his alpha, Dax Gregg, stood by wringing his hands and moaning.
“Kerry!” Fan’s voice called from near the house. He was standing by the vegetable garden wearing a wide-brimmed hat and gloves, but he didn’t seem to be doing any work. He motioned Kerry over, and as soon as he approached, Fan wrapped his arms around Kerry and hugged him tight.
Shocked for a moment, he didn’t know what to do. But when a harsh cry rose up from Dax, Kerry understood, and he flung his arms around Fan, too, both clinging to each other in mutual omega support. The baby in Kerry’s womb didn’t comprehend the somberness of the moment, and kicked around, until Fan rested his hand over Kerry’s bulge and, as if sensing it from the inside, the babe calmed.
“He’s dead?” Kerry whispered.
“Near to it,” Fan whispered back. “Dax took him down to the lake twice a day for healing instead of bringing him here.”
