Page 101 of Smoky Mountain Dreams
“We haven’t spent a holiday with our other grandchildrensince Marcy’s accident. At first that choice made sense because we decided thatyou, Brigid and Will needed us most.”
“And you were way too angry back then for us to have a jointChristmas,” Tim added.
“Ronnie was hurt at the time and she’s always thought wetook your side in all this,” Nova said. “But I think she understands now thatwe just needed to provide some stability for you and the children so you couldget back on your feet.”
“It’s been five years now, son.”
Jesse snapped, “I know how long it’s been, Tim.”
“The time’s come that we don’t have to support you so much.”Nova smiled tremulously. “You’re stronger now. Moving on and seeing someone new.I can’t tell you how happy that makes us.”
Tim added, “We’re looking forward to meeting him again. Novaand I suspected there was something going on, but I figured it was a casualthing. Nova was right, though. She said she saw something more.”
Jesse ran his hands through his hair. The mountains fadedinto the distance in soothing ridges, like the worn joints of a grandmother’shand. He wished he could reach out, pry that big hand out of the earth, andcrawl into a ball in the palm of it—safe, small, and protected.
Nova went on, “Naomi, Paul, and Mark are growing up sofast, just as fast as Will and Brigid, and we want to have them be part ourfamily holidays again. I already mentioned to Ronnie—”
Jesse cut her off. “That’s fine. The kids and I will findsomething else to do this year. You’re right. We don’t need to be coddledanymore.”
“Now, now, it doesn’t need to be that way,” Tim said,putting his hand out. “It’s Christmas—a day of hope, a celebration of the birthof the son or the sun, depending on your views. Surely we can all put aside ourdifferences for a single day, can’t we?”
Part of him wanted to agree. It would be so easy to crumbleand give in, to throw up his hands and say it.“Fine, haveher over, and while we’re at it, she can just keep Marcy too. I’m done.”They’dall be happier if he did. Probably even Christopher.
He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t fucking do it.
Jesse let out a slow breath. “Tim, these aren’t smalldifferences like whether or not someone can forgive someone else for sayingsomething shitty at the last family get together. She’s holding my wife hostage,and you expect me to play nice with her? Ever?”
“Jesse, it’s in your hands,” Tim replied. “All you need todo is choose peace. Ronnie says she’s willing to share a holiday with you ifyou’re willing to share one with her.”
Nova added, “I even told her that you might have your newfriend over, and she agreed not to make a fuss. I think she might be comingaround on that front. She said something quite kind about your new boyfriendand you, actually. Wished you happiness and peace.”
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk to Ronnie about mypersonal life.”
Nova gave him a steady, disappointed look. “We’d like you tobe there. Christmas wouldn’t be the same without you and Will and Brigid. We’reall family. If we’re ever going to come to an amicable agreement about Marcy’scare, we need to find a way to make peace with each other.”
Frustration lanced through him, and he pushed off therailing. “How can you suggest that? Until she’s relinquished her control overMarcy’s healthcare, there won’t be any peace between me and Ronnie. So, no, thekids and I will find something else to do for Christmas. We’ll go visit myfolks, or just make it on our own. It’s time we do that anyway.”
“Just give it some thought, Jesse,” Tim said, as calm asever. “This could be a real opportunity to make some headway with changingRonnie’s heart if you just come at it from a loving, peaceful position andwithout so much anger.”
Jesse scoffed. “Please, Tim. I know you love Ronnie. She’syour daughter, but she’s an asshole.”
“That’s not fair,” Nova insisted. “She’s not an asshole. She’sa believer.”
“As far as I’m concerned, it’s the same difference,especially when it comes to zealots who keep other people chained in theirbodies becausetheirbeliefs say they should. Andwhen it comes to fairness, no, it’s not fair, Nova. It’s not fair that Marcy’sgone and that her body is here causing strife and discord in the family. It’snot fair that you lost one daughter in a car wreck and the other to thebitterness between Ronnie and me after it. I’m sorry, and I’m telling you, yes,pleasehave her over for Christmas. Enjoy your onlyremaining daughter. The kids and I will be fine. We’ll have a quiet Christmasat home. Just the three of us.”
And maybe Christopher.
He’d miss the McMillan’s house at Christmas. He’d come overevery year since he was fifteen, and it seemed unfair to be cut out from thatgrounding ritual. He’d miss the festive atmosphere of their house: the usualscent of patchouli layered over the warmth of acceptance and love gussied upfor the season with the sparkle of lights, scent of fir and plenty of laughter.He swallowed hard at the thought of missing it and walked to the end of thedeck, staring into the dusk while Nova and Tim stood silent.
But he could work to change the atmosphere of his ownplace—get a tree up, and lights and wreathes. He could get the kids to help himmake paper chains for decoration like he and Marcy used to do together whilemunching popcorn and watching the Grinch. It would be fun.
So why did he feel like he’d just been told he couldn’t comehome for the holidays? Like he’d been kicked to the ground even though he knewthis was his choice?
Is this how Ronnie’s felt these last years?
Probably. But she’d likely prayed about it and the feelinghad cleared up with some of her God’s heart-talking bullshit or whatever. Jessefrowned, thinking of her sad smile that afternoon. He didn’t like being souncharitable. Ronnie just brought it out in him.
What she’s doing to Marcy brings it outin me.
