Page 103 of Smoky Mountain Dreams
“Mama…”
“Go. I don’t want to see you here. When you find a way tomake peace with the Lord and live by his commandments, then you can come backto my home.” She sobbed. “Until that time you’re not welcome.”
Christopher’s mother turned and walked away. She didn’t lookback.
Chapter Twenty
WHENJESSE OPENED HIS DOORto find Christopher on the stoop, pale and on theverge of tears, he pulled him into his arms and led him inside.
“Worst Thanksgiving ever,” Jesse mumbled against the skin ofChristopher’s neck. The kids had opted to stay with Nova and Tim for the night.The fact that Christopher apparently needed him right now was the only thingkeeping him from drinking several glasses of bourbon and going to bed early.
“I don’t even know where to start with how bad this day hasbeen,” Christopher mumbled. “Maybe I should start by saying that the leastawful thing about it is that my dad is apparently looking to reconcile with me,and, on any other day, that would make me want to look into the benefits ofstabbing my eyes with needles because it would have to rank better.”
“Oh, babe.” Jesse guided him into the living room, where he’dstarted a fire, poured wine, and started a list of shit he had to get done tohave a family Christmas in his home. “Sit down. Drink this.”
Christopher sat on the sofa next to Jesse, accepted the wineglass, and didn’t bother with swirling or pretending to look for legs. He tooka giant gulp and sighed before taking another three gulps and burping. Hecovered his mouth and laughed. “Uh, sorry. I had soda on my way up here.”
Jesse chuckled, and it felt good, a moment of levity in adifficult day. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
Christopher put down the wine glass. “I just came from thehospital.”
Jesse’s stomach clenched, and his raked his eyes over Christopheras he touched him. “Are you okay?”
“No, yes.” Christopher smiled softly and pressed their lipstogether. “It’s not me. It’s my stepfather.” He took a deep breath and told himthe story.
Jesse could hardly believe his ears. Here he had been thinkingno one’s Thanksgiving could be worse than his, but Christopher’s was beyondawful. He clenched his fists, not sure what to do with how angry he was thatChristopher’s family had hurt him so badly.
“What does your mother see in that man, anyway?”
“I’ve always wondered that myself.”
“Let me guess, Bob moved in when your dad left? Took overwhen she was down and out?”
“Yeah. Pretty much. I don’t know the details. At the time, Iwas just a self-absorbed and hurt kid, terrified that I was going to burn in hellfor being a fag, and scared to death that I’d made a mistake by confessing tomy mom about my feelings.” Christopher blew air out and blinked rapidly beforeclearing his throat. “And I can conclusively state that I did make a mistake indoing that.”
“What did she say?”
“She told me Pastor Bob could help me with them. And rightbefore they started dating, or courting as Bob calls it, I was seeing him twicea week for counseling. Which basically meant he told me all kinds of disgustingand awful things that would happen to me in hell unless I accepted Jesus in myheart. I thought I already had! Eventually I just sort of knew he was full ofshit and I’d rather accept any member of NSync into my pants than have anythingto do with his idea of Christ.”
Jesse forced a light tone. “That Justin Timberlake wasawfully pretty.” When Christopher smiled softly, Jesse pressed a kiss to hischeek and held him tighter. “I’m so sorry you went through that hell growingup. And that it’s still happening. Is your stepfather going to be all right?”He didn’t actually know what kind of outcome he hoped for.
“I have no idea. I guess my Gran will let me know when I seeher next week. Or my sister might call.” Christopher looked away, took a sip ofwine, and cleared his throat. “My mom kicked me out.” He frowned. “No, that’snot right. I don’t live there anymore, so…that’s not what happened.” His voicebroke a little and he cleared his throat again, taking another drink. “I guessshe disowned me. Until I’m a better Christian. Or not gay? Or both. I’m noteven sure what the requirement is to get back in her good graces, but whateverit is, it’s not going to happen. So I’m not welcome back.”
Jesse set the wine glass on the coffee table, and pulledChristopher against him. “Oh, Chris. I’m sorry. So sorry.” He didn’t have aclue how Christopher must be feeling. If he’d felt abandoned by Nova and Timwanting to have Ronnie over for Christmas, this must be ten times worse. Herubbed Christopher’s back, and felt the moment his resistance turned to tears.Jesse wrapped his arms around him tighter, holding him while Christopher triednot to cry.
Finally, Christopher pulled away, pressing the heel of hishands against his eyes and wiping roughly. “I’m sorry. It’s just been a badday.”
“It’s okay. We all cry sometimes. I’ve cried a shit ton overthe last five years.”
Christopher’s mouth quirked into a half smile, and then heslumped forward, elbows on knees, his face buried in his palms. Jesse rubbedhis back, waiting while Christopher got his breathing under control again.
“Chris, is it possible this is a misunderstanding? If yourstepdad’s in the hospital, and it had something to do with you and your Gran,maybe your mom’s just saying shit she doesn’t mean. It happens. Grief fucks youup. Makes you mean. Take my word for it.”
Christopher shook his head, not lifting his face from hishands. “I don’t care if she takes it back tomorrow. She said it. She meant it.She made her choice a long time ago and it’s always been him. I’ve only stayedaround because of Gran. And Jackie. The way my mother lets him talk to me—aboutme. He humiliates me.”
Jesse wrapped his arms around Christopher’s shakingshoulders and pressed kisses to them, the cotton of Christopher’s shirt softagainst his lips. Jesse moved to kiss the pink of his neck where Christopherwas flushed from wine and emotion.
“So it doesn’t matter, Jesse. Joe told me to get up from thetable and go and…when he said that—”
