Page 13 of Smoky Mountain Dreams
Jesse refrained from throwing the pliers at her, and managedto wait until she’d shut the door to let his head fall to his desk. His stomachchurned with sadness and guilt, along with something else—a ripe, bright,enticing thing that had to do with the way Christopher Ryder’s cheeks had gonebright red while they’d talked. Maybe next time Jesse would have the guts tosay yes.
Chapter Four
SMOKYMOUNTAIN DREAMS HAD A DISTINCTodor that Christopher was inordinatelyfond of. It was a mixture of funnel cakes, baked beans, and coffee—as well asthe world’s best iced gingerbread, the flour for which was milled there at thepark. Whenever that particular olfactory mix hit his nose, Christopher knew itwas almost show time.
The dressing area bustled the way it always did before aprogram began, and he had to fight the sharp elbows of one of the girls in theice show for a place at the mirror. He smoothed a comb through his hair, andused a touch of gel to get the front just right. He shuffled around inside hisbag for the foundation and a sponge to smooth out the hints of his skin’sunevenness. He was spare with it. He’d always had good skin and a face thatdidn’t require much touching up.
He said you glow, boy. Now that meanssomething.
No it doesn’t, Gran.
Sure it does. It means he saw you. Thereal you.
Christopher looked into the mirror as he dabbed on themakeup. He’d canceled on Jesse a few hours earlier when it became clear thatLash had no intention of sobering up for the performance.
Pulling the lightly tinted lip color from his stage makeupbag and smearing it on his full lips, Christopher sorted through the mixed-upcomplexity of his feelings about that. Part of him was disappointed since hewanted to see what Jesse had cooked up for Gran’s locket. But the larger partof him felt relief. He’d relived his impulsive decision to ask Jesse outrepeatedly. At first he’d been encouraged by the suggestion that he ask againon another day, but later he’d started to think that it had been offered out ofpity.
Or maybe Jessewasstraight, and didn’tknow how to handle being hit on by another guy. He’d said he was a fan—andChristopher didn’t know anything about having fans. Maybe Jesse didn’t want toburn bridges with a performer he liked.
And just what’s he going to get out ofkissing your ass? An impromptu concert? Don’t be silly, Christopher.
“Gee, thanks, Gran. Always so helpful,” he whispered underhis breath. He took out the brown eyeliner. He didn’t wear much, but it helpedhis green eyes pop under the lights if he lined them just a little.
In the corner of his reflection, Christopher could see thegroup of male ice dancers vying for a position in the mirror on the other sideof the room. Their tight asses and firm legs were all wrapped up in spandex.They’d been imported from New York or Europe for the seasonal ice show, andmost of them were bigger princesses than any of the girls when it came tolooking their best and showing off their bodies.
“Makes you wanna start a diet, doesn’t it?” Shannon said.His sometime singing partner showed up beside him in the reflection. She leanedforward to rub her pinky finger over her lipsticked lips, and then flaw-checkedher dark skin. She slid her fingers through her newly straightened hair andnodded happily at herself. He’d preferred her afro, but Shannon was convincedshe’d get more solo parts if she ditched the “African-American aesthetic.”Christopher not only didn’t know exactly what that meant, but he didn’t likethe implication either. Still, it obviously wasn’t his place to question herlogic.
“Doesn’t it?” she asked again.
“What? My face?” Christopher asked. He didn’t have chiseledcheek bones, but his face was attractive enough, in his opinion. It wasoval-going-on-heart-shaped, according to his stylist, and he had good lips andnice, clear eyes. Still, he braced himself to be offended.
“No. Those guys. Look at them preening and waving theirskinny little bodies around like your Granny’s best handkerchief, alldaintiness and fairy dust.”
“They’re not dainty. They’re athletes. And they use up a lotof calories, so of course they’re thin.” Christopher shrugged. “I don’t see theappeal, though.”
Shannon rolled her eyes. “They aren’tyourtype, I know that already. You like a man’s man. But you were looking at themwith those big eyes you get when you see something you want. Explain that.”
The truth was, he sometimes wondered if heshouldgo on a diet or dosomething.He wasn’t fat by far. He had a slim enough body, but he wasn’t built ormuscular. And he never would be. He’d developed an extreme aversion to gymswhen he was in high school. No matter how hard he’d tried, he hadn’t been abletonotsee the hot guys in his class curling andtensing as they lifted barbells, or threw basketballs, or jogged around thetrack. And being unable to keep himself from springing a boner during P.E.class had ensured his life was a terrifying hell every day of the school year.Gyms still made him feel like he might have actual PTSD from it all.
“It was nothing.”
“Right. Nothing at all.” Shannon rolled her eyes. “I’ll ownit. They make me wish I was six inches shorter and looked half as graceful asthey do in a leotard.”
Shannon wasn’t a small woman. She was taller than him,almost six-one to his five-nine, and her voice was even bigger than she was. Hewas glad they were in different shows this season so he wouldn’t have to try tokeep up with her. It always left his vocal chords feeling tired and raw.
“Fine, I guess they make me feel that way too,” he admitted.And maybe if he was more likethatkind of gay, Jessewould’ve said yes to coffee. Maybe he liked his men pretty.
You don’t even know if he likes men atall, Christopher! Horses. Carts. What have I told you about how they work,young man? There’s a natural order to things, and you’re breaking it. And it ain’tbecause you’re gay!
“Shut it, Gran,” Christopher muttered.
“‘Scuse me?” Shannon sounded a little offended.
“Just talking to myself. Ignore me. I’m crazy today. That’sall.”
“Ah. Thanks for the warning. Don’t worry about it—we all getthat way,” Shannon said. “Speaking of crazy, Drew and I are having a party upat the cabin on Halloween. Consider yourself invited. Bring a plus one if youwant.” Then she moved away, taking off to an empty space at another mirror.
It was nice of Shannon to think he might have a plus one toinvite. He never had in the three years they’d known each other, but she neverfailed to act like things might change.
