Page 128 of Smoky Mountain Dreams
As the song drew to an end, he cast about in his mind,trying to figure out what he should sing next. Before he knew what he wasdoing, he started a slow transition into the song he’d written for Jesse,almost like the confession he’d wanted to give to the nurses couldn’t be deniedto the woman in the bed. He switched to a minor key, though, unable to singjoyfully in the face of what he now knew, and the song came out mournful andmiserable as tears welled up in his eyes.
Fuck, how must Jesse feel if just being in her presence wastearing Christopher up inside? This woman had been Jesse’s wife—the girl he’dloved, the mother of his children—and even though their marriage had beenrocky, he’d never stopped loving her.
Christopher slipped into another song when he finished, andit was only as he found himself seeking words that he realized it was a newmelody, something he was creating on the spot. Something that had to do withMarcy and his pain for all that had been lost.
“Sitting at the corner of life anddeath, and all that keeps us warm and all that freezes us.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Christopher’s eyes flew open and his grip on his guitarslipped, sounding a discordant chord as he scrambled to catch it. Jesse wasfrozen in the doorway wearing jeans and a soft blue Henley, flowers in hand,and an expression of pure rage. Christopher had never seen his face so pale orhis eyes so dark.
“How did you get in here?” Jesse said again, his voicebarely a whisper. The flowers shook in his grip. “Who let you in? You’re not onthe list.”
“I—I’m singing for the patients,” Christopher said, histhroat tight enough that his voice came out in a terrified squeak. “Shannoncouldn’t and I—please, Jesse, don’t be angry.”
“You have no right to be here.” Jesse’s nostrils flared. “Sheis not your business, do you understand? Nothing about her willeverbe your business.”
Christopher blinked at Jesse, his fingers slipping over thestrings again and high pitched noises vibrating from the guitar. He should getup, but he felt like a deer in headlights. “Jesse, listen, I didn’t mean to—Ijust wanted to—”
“You need to get out.” Jesse’s jaw was clenched so tightlythe words sounded like a growl.
“What’s going on?” Jason asked, appearing at Jesse’sshoulder. “Mr. Ryder is here to sing for the patients. Mrs. VanHook has alwayswanted Marcy to have the same experiences as the other residents.”
“He isn’t the same as other volunteers,” Jesse bit out. “Heshouldn’t be here.”
Jason looked at Christopher then as if he might bedangerous, and he muscled past Jesse like he might grab hold of Christopher orphysically restrain him. Shock settled over Christopher as he realized thatJesse might not even stop him.
“Mr. Birch, we’re so sorry. We had no idea!” Natalieexclaimed, moving in behind Jesse. “Should we call the police?”
Jesse seemed to realize Jason’s intentions at that point andshook himself out of his glaring rage to say, “The police? No. That’sunnecessary.” He rubbed a hand over his face, looking exhausted and furious. “Just…leaveus. It’s fine. He’s fine.”
“But sir, you just said he shouldn’t be in here?” Nataliesounded as confused as Jason looked.
Christopher shook with pain and anger as he jerked up fromthe chair. He felt like he’d been punched. Everything hurt. His gut, his heart,even his fucking balls—and his throat was so tight he could barely breathe. “It’sa misunderstanding,” he forced out. “I’ll leave. It’s fine.”
“No,” Jesse said, glaring at him. “Sit down.”
Jason and Natalie looked at each other, and Natalie said, “I’lljust get Monique.”
“No!” Jesse barked, and then sighed. “Both of you can leave.Mrs. Birch is fine. I just need to speak to Mr. Ryder for a minute.”
Mr. Ryder?Christopher felt likesomeone had ripped him free of his body and like he was rising up, up, up insome weird disconnected way, even while he felt every thud of his heart and thecold sweat that had broken out over him at the sight of Jesse’s fury.
Jason still looked uncertain. “If Mrs. Birch isn’t safe,sir, then—”
“She’s safe.” Jesse glowered at them. “Mr. Ryder’s right. It’sa misunderstanding. He wouldn’t hurt her. Just leave. Everything is fine.”
Neither of them seemed especially convinced, but they walkedout of the room, conferring under their breath. Christopher was sure they’dsummon Monique despite Jesse’s demand that they not.
“You have completely overstepped your boundaries,” Jessesaid quietly. “You have no right to be here.”
“I’m here to fill in for my friend Shannon, who—”
“You knew damn well I didn’t want you to see her. That youhad no right at all to look at her.”
“Listen, this isn’t about melooking ather,” he spit out, anger spiking through him now. “It’s about me singingmy goddamn songs to goddamn patients in this fucking nursing home.”
“Watch your language! There are old people here. Show somefucking respect.”
