Page 137 of Smoky Mountain Dreams
“Oh, babe,” Jesse murmured and reached for him.
Christopher came into his arms easily, resting his headagainst Jesse’s shoulder and letting his tears be absorbed by the soft fabricof his sweater. “I don’t have anyone now. I’m alone.”
“No. You’ve got me. I swear, you’ve got me.” Jesse rubbedhis back.
Christopher shook his head, his heart aching along with hishead. “I’m not your family. I’m no one’s family.”
Jesse’s arms tightened around him, and Christopher let himhold him a long time before they broke apart.
“Sorry,” Christopher said. He gestured at the bed. “You cansit. Or go. I’m not much fun right now.”
Jesse steered Christopher to the bed, sitting him on theedge and then sinking to his knees on the carpet. He squeezed Christopher’shands and gazed up at him intently. “I’m here for you.” He took hold ofChristopher’s chin. “I love you, Christopher Ryder. Maybe we aren’t family yet,but if we can love each other and forgive each other, I think one day we canbe. Wewillbe.”
Christopher’s heart thumped.He reallyloves me?“My Gran never got to meet you,” he murmured. “Well, not withme…as part of me and my future.” He met Jesse’s eyes. “I feel like so much shitright now. I can’t promise anything or be sure that I can just let whathappened go, but I want to. I don’t want to care about what you said to me inMarcy’s room.”
“I care what I said to you. I was wrong.” He clutchedChristopher’s hands again.
“You were wrong. But so was I. I didn’t know…I swear to God,I didn’t know what it meant to go in there. It was…” He trailed off, his throatgetting tight again. “Fuck. I hate that I’m so emotional right now. Fuckinghell.”
“It’s okay. I promise, Christopher. It’s okay. It’s allokay. If you forgive me for being a dick to you, I promise it won’t happenagain. Well, about Marcy. People are dicks sometimes. I definitely am, but I’lltry my best not to be. But I know that you were…that I should have offered totake you there. Christopher, I do love you.”
Christopher realized he hadn’t said it back, but he didn’twant to right now. Not when he was so devastated by Gran’s loss and so hurt byhis fight with Jesse.
And that’s what it was,Gran’svoice said in his head.Your first real bad fight. This ain’tdone, baby, and you love him too.
“Jesse?”
“Yeah?” He gazed up at Christopher with such vulnerable hopeshining in his eyes.
“Will our second fight suck as much as our first?”
Jesse laughed and threw his arms around Christopher’s waist,dragging him close and nuzzling his cheek against Christopher’s chest. “I hopenot. In my experience, they all suck, but not like that. It’s not so bad onceyou’re sure of the other person.”
“You think I can be sure of you?”
“I don’tthinkyou can—I promiseit.” Jesse sat back on his heels and looked up at Christopher. “I don’t think I’veever felt about a person the way I feel about you.”
“Me either,” Christopher whispered. “And I’m sorry for mypart in what happened at the nursing home. I should have told you when I foundout I was going.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. It was all me.”
“It wasn’t. Okay, it was mostly you, but not all.”Christopher smiled softly.
Smiling back, Jesse reached up and stroked a hand overChristopher’s hair. “You need a nap. Have you slept?”
Christopher shook his head and let Jesse guide him down ontothe bed, their denim-covered legs twining together, and Christopher’s head onJesse’s shoulder. They lay there in silence, the overenthusiastic hotel roomheater rattling to life and spewing warmth into the cool room.
“Just got to get through the funeral,” Christopher murmured.“And then I can go home.”
“When is it?”
“Monday. I know you can’t stay. That’s three days from now,and you have the kids.”
“I can stay. Nova and Tim are taking the kids for theweekend. I want to be here for you. What are your plans?”
“Now that things are settled, I guess I don’t have any. Iwas going to, I don’t know…wait. Or something. What do you do, Jesse? I haven’treally done this before.”
Jesse ran his fingers through Christopher’s hair. “You fillthe time. You try to be there for your other family members if you can.”
