Page 28 of Raise Up, Heart
“I have to go home.” He’s nodding, staring at you like he can see your brain through the backs of your eyes. “Then I have to go to the office. I have a lot of work to do there.”
When you went to sleep, he’d seemed okay. Wired, yes, worried, yes, and incredibly affectionate, yes, but, in general, Cole had been okay when you fell asleep. Clearly, something has changed in the meantime.
“Yeah,” Cole goes on. “And I have a lot of phone calls to make.”
You’re sure that he probably does. He’s a busy guy. But, really, this is so far from what you expected from him this morning. Though when you think about it, you’re not sure what you’d anticipated. Wake-up sex? Probably. That was definitely on your imaginary agenda.
“And then I have to go to see my father.”
“Cole,” you say. “I understand that you’re confused. But if you tell Dad about this—”
“No,” Cole says. “I won’t tell Dad.” Cole sounds like he’s ten thousand miles away, and yet he’s looking at you like you’re the only thing he can see. “I can’t tell anyone, can I?”
“No.”
“Because even if you’re right next to me…” Cole swallows hard. “Even if they see you with their own eyes…”
You shake your head.
“Right. It’s too much.”
“They’ll try to explain it.”
“Or test it. Testyou.” Cole touches your cheek. “They’d take you apart to try to figure you out.”
“Yes,” you say.
“I won’t allow that.”
“You couldn’t stop them.”
“No, but…” Cole sighs. “No.”
“But you don’t have to live this way with me. You can return to your family and your life. Walk away from me. I’ll understand.”
“I can’t walk away from you. Not while you’re living.”
“But if I’m dead?” You are technically dead, and, you assume, there are ways for you to be deader.
Cole’s lost in his own head, though, and he just nods. You’re getting nervous now. If Cole decides to end you, as unlikely as that seems, if that will bring closure to him and to you, then you can accept that. Logically. Emotionally, not so much. You’re definitely feeling the urge to flee, or to fight, or to at least shake Cole and say, “Do you know what I did for you?” But you stay silent, waiting for more information.
“I hate asking him to do this for me, but this has to be done.”
“Okay, okay,” you say, holding up your hands. “Back up. What in the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the plan, Damon. Try paying attention for a change.” You blink, and Cole smiles. “You should see your face,” he says. “You’re scared, but it’s all right. I have you now. You should have more faith in me. So many doubts are swimming in your eyes.”
Relief floods you like cool water, and you sigh, lifting your hands and letting them fall. “I can’t imagine why. You’re the most frustrating person I’ve ever met.”
“Have you not met yourself?” Cole grins. He shoves you down against the mattress and climbs on top again.
“So, there’s a plan?” you say.
“Yeah,” Cole says, mouthing at your ear. You shiver. “I think I left out an important step, though.”
“Mmph?” you ask as Cole kisses you.
“Yeah, I need to buy some condoms.”
