Page 30 of Raise Up, Heart
“It’s kept me sane,” Cole says.
“Is that what they’re calling it these days?”
Cole laughs softly, puts the stone back in his pocket, and says, “Thank you.”
Damon says, “It was a mistake.”
“Yeah?”
“Best mistake I’ve made.”
Cole forces himself to climb into the car, stick the keys in the ignition, and suddenly Damon pulls the door open. He kisses Cole again and then again. Damon looks at him long and hard, says, “I love you, too,” and slams the door.
Damon turns his back on the car and walks toward the cabin. Cole waits until Damon shuts the cabin’s door before he starts the car and turns around in the dirt to head down the driveway toward town.
Cole’s still anxiousas he walks into the drug store to buy the condoms. He’s getting them first because there’s no telling when he might freak out and have to head back to the cabin just to make sure that Damon’s really there and still completely alive.
He can’t decide where he should go first after the store—to Rosanna’s apartment or to his father’s cabin. He’s going to have to tell them both in person that he’s leaving. And he’ll have to talk to Michael and Emily, too. He’ll have to be good to get the truth past Michael. He sees a lot, and he’s tough to fool.
Really, though, this is all just the footwork. He can’t imagine that he’ll be able to follow through on his plan for at least a month, three weeks at the soonest. God, how is he going to manage that? He can’t be apart from Damon at night for the next three weeks. He’ll have to come up with something. Some reason to not be at home. Especially when they’ll all want him around for a while. To coddle him before saying goodbye.
He decides to start with Rosanna. She’s the one most likely to freak out, and if he still has his dad to tell, then he can use that as an excuse to get out of there if she starts to drag it out too long, and he needs to get back to Damon.
Cole is shaking as he pays for the condoms and lube. He can taste Damon in his mouth, and his fingers itch to press on the bruise on his neck again, but he settles for putting his hand in his pocket to hold the stone heart. After this, he needs to walk over to the pay-lot and put another three dollars into the slot for Damon’s car. It’s the brown Honda, Damon had said. Cole feels crazy thinking that Damon’s been driving around Maryville in that car, that he could have passed Cole on the street so many times, and Cole never knew.
He throws a pack of gum on the counter, too, and hands the clerk another two dollars. He doesn’t want to erase the taste of Damon’s come from his mouth. It makes him ache inside to think about it, but he’s about to go see his sister, and he doesn’t feel right talking to her while tasting Damon. He pops a piece of the gum, wincing as the remnants of Damon vanish in a wash of mint.
Cole jumps when someone tugs on the back of his sweater. He almost shouts in surprise, he’s so keyed up. Emily and Michael are standing behind him, and they have their arms full of candy and fashion magazines. Cole’s pretty sure that most of it is for Emily. Michael doesn’t seem like he’d be that interested in fashion, but maybe some of the candy is his. Plus, Michael looks a little beleaguered, so Cole knows before anything is even said that Emily’s in one of her moods.
“Hey,” Cole says, and he has to admit he sounds jittery. If he can’t even greet Emily in the store, he’s going to crack entirely when faced with his sister, or, worse, a phone call from his mom.
“What’swrongwith you?” Emily asks. “You look like you’re on drugs.”
“What? Of course not.” Cole takes the bag from the clerk, grateful that the clerk used the brown paper and not the see-through plastic.
Emily looks from the bag to him, and then her head tilts and a smirk draws up the corner of her mouth. “Wait a minute. Did youmeet someone? Did youget laid?”
“Uh, Emily,” Michael says, shaking his head.
Cole rolls his eyes. “Do I ask you about your sex life?”
He immediately wants to bleach his brain, because just thinking that Emily might have a sex life withMichael, who’s standing there looking worried, leads him to a surprising urge to yell. But he doesn’t. He tells himself that Michael is good for Emily, and so if he’s touching her, then…oh, God. It could be worse?
“Youdidget laid,” Emily says. “Who is it? Come on! Is it that handsome guy? The one at the grocery? The cute checkout boy?”
“Uh,no,” Cole says, gripping his bag of condoms. He glances toward the salesclerk who sold him the condoms and blushes.
“No?”
“No! Besides, I wouldn’t…he’s not even… I don’t have to explain this to you.”
Emily makes a face at him and says, “Oh, don’t be like that. I’m just glad you’re moving on from Damon.”
Cole clenches his jaw, glaring at her. His fingers clasp the paper bag so hard that it tears a little.
“Come on, Emily,” Michael says. “That’s not cool. I’m sorry, boss kid,” he says to Cole. “She’s…you know.”
Cole says, “Yeah, I know.”
