Page 37 of Raise Up, Heart
“Cole,” Grandpa greets him with a wide smile and very short hair. As they unlock his cuffs, and he rubs his wrists, Grandpa reaches out to him, saying, “I can’t tell ya how often I prayed that this day would come. I’m so glad to see your face, boy.”
Cole glances toward the warden, who nods his head and leaves, closing the door behind him.
When Grandpa moves toward Cole with his arms still out, Cole shakes his head in warning, and motions toward the chair across the table. “Have a seat, Grandpa. This isn’t a social call.”
“I didn’t think it was,” Grandpa said. “Everything about this is strange, ain’t it?” Grandpa asks, sitting down opposite Cole, an expression of pride on his face. “How’d you get in to see me so fast? Maybe a bribe, Cole?”
Cole doesn’t answer, waiting for a moment to get his bearings. His grandfather is exactly the same, if a little thinner, and Cole remembers in a flash all of the things Grandpa has done over the years to the people Cole loves—to his mom, to his dad, to Rosanna, to himself.
Grandpa leans forward with an intense, earnest expression. “Don’t waste our time together. Tell me how I can help you, boy. What have you gotten yourself into?”
“You’ll never believe it if I told you, so let’s just stick with what I need you to do for me, and what I’ll do for you in exchange,” Cole says.
He’s not weak. He can do this. He knows that his grandfather will agree to do everything that Cole asks of him.
Cole stops byHop 50’s after going to the drugstore to get more condoms and lube. They haven’t used the entire package from before, but it’s a pain to have to stop whatever it is they’re doing to find one. If they have enough, they can keep some everywhere. Not that they’ll be in the cabin for much longer.
While he’s waiting for the chili and hamburgers to be packaged, Cole calls his mother, makes some inane, cheerful small talk, and tells her not to worry about the guy he’s seeing.
“It’s not serious, Mom,” Cole says. If that’s not the biggest lie he’s ever told, it’s definitely one of them. He’s glad to have the conversation by phone so that she won’t see his face. “I don’t know why Rosanna is in such a fuss about it. He’s just a nice distraction before I move. And no, I haven’t decided just yet where I’ll be moving to, but once I do, I’m not going to wait. I’ll be out of here.”
Cole accepts the packaged food and tosses some bills on the counter. It’s too much, but he doesn’t have time to deal with change, not when his mother is in the middle of a patented egged-on-by-Rosanna freak-out.
He sighs. “I know—I know that you want me to think this over, but Mom, I’ve done nothing but think for two years. I need to act. This is for the best. I promise.”
He walks toward Southern Grace Coffee. The instant stuff in the cabin is making both he and Damon jittery, and he’s determined to return with two steaming hot coffees for both of them, and some real ground coffee to make for tomorrow.
“Rosanna’s so dramatic. It’s not like I’ll never be back,” he says. “Every important event, I’ll be here.”
He doesn’t know if that’s true. He’s not entirely sure if he can risk it. It seems to cut both ways. If he doesn’t make appearances in Maryville, then his sister might get worried and come looking for him, or worse, send his mom to find him.
If he does, then he’ll be away from Damon, and right now he can barely handle ten hours of that, so he’s not sure he can possibly learn to stand longer. In some ways, walking away from all connections seems more dangerous than if he keeps the ties, but maybe he can learn to stretch them to a point that the risk is minimized, if not negligible.
His mom’s telling him now all about how she and his dad just want him to be happy, so he takes the opportunity to say, “Mom, this will make me happy. I know it. Rosanna has to let me grow up. When you moved away, she started treating me like her own child, but I’m not. I’m a grown man, Mom. I know you, at least, trust me.”
He feels a little guilty saying the words. Heneedsher to trust him, because otherwise, he’ll have to go with Plan B, and that includes losing everything.
He hangs up on her just as it’s his turn to place his order at Southern Grace Coffee. He’s getting anxious now, fretful. Damon has been waiting for him forhours. He needs to get back, feel Damon’s skin, hear his voice, and put his head on Damon’s chest to listen to that amazing, strong heart.
The door to Southern Grace Coffee opens, and Cole’s heart drops.
“Cole!” Emily calls out.
Cole wants to kick something. He doesn’t have time for this. He has to get back to Damon.
“Emily!” he answers, putting on false cheer and hugging her tight. She smells like candy-scented perfume and the cold winter air.
“Cole, I am so proud of you,” Emily says, pulling back to hold onto Cole’s arms and smile up at him.
“Wow, thanks. Glad to hear it. But…why?”
She bats at his arm. “Why? You know why! I’m so happy for you, Cole! This is what Damon would have wanted for you!”
Cole blinks at her and feels his stomach sink. “Michael,” he says.
“What?”
“Michael told you.” He feels sick. He’d hoped he could trust Michael. It’s going to be a risky part of the plan but an essential one all the same. He supposes that it’s better to know now before he’s revealed too much.
