Page 104 of Vespertine
“What? No.” Nicky tried to lie down again but Jasper grabbedhis arm—the one without the patch—and helped him up.
“Just walk with me a little.” He put his shoulder underNicky’s arm and despite struggling briefly, Nicky melted into him and lethimself be led around the house.
“You still smell so good,” he mumbled and buried his face inJasper’s neck. “I think that was the last thing I forgot about you. How yousmelled. I forgot your voice first, and I cried for days when I realized Icouldn’t remember it. And then I forgot the color of your eyes, although thatgod damn picture inThe Atlanticwas proof enough Ihadn’t forgotten at all.” He made Jasper stop. “I grieved for you. Like youwere dead.”
Jasper looked him steadily in the eye. “I grieved for youtoo.” He went to stand behind Nicky when he began to shiver again. “Breathewith me,” he whispered in Nicky’s ear. Gently encircling Nicky’s wrists, hebrought their arms up. “In.” He held their arms high and paused. “And out.” Helowered them down.
“What are you doing?”
“I read it helps to do gentle exercise. So we’re doing someyoga. In.” He lifted their arms again, and Nicky laughed softly.
“You can’t help yourself can you? Saint Jazz.”
Jasper shook Nicky’s arms once and he obeyed by breathing indeeply. They lowered their arms. “Keep doing it.” Jasper went to stand besidehim and guided him through a few half sun salutes. “And no,” he said when theywere done. “When I’m with you I can’t help myself at all.”
It didn’t take too long for the effects of the newpatch to begin to offset the worst of the pain and discomfort of the detox.That was one of the great things about it. Rapid, consistent delivery. One ofthe shitty things was, apparently, if he didn’t realize the patch had come off,he went into withdrawal a lot faster than he’d have expected.
Nicky collapsed to the floor and rolled onto his back,gazing up at Jasper, who was bent over with his ass in the air. “That’s calleddown dog?” He rubbed his arms, feeling the sweat from his last chill drying onhis skin. He might need another shower. “Is it a sex reference?”
“What?”
“Like doggy style?”
Jasper came down to his knees and cocked his head. “You’refeeling better.” He sat cross-legged with a soft smile on his face.
“Yeah. Thanks.” Nicky pushed hair out of his eyes and smileda little shyly. “For helping me out and for not leaving me.”
“As if I would leave you.”
Nicky broke into a delirious laugh. His limbs were heavy andin addition to the actual distance he had swum, the detox tremors had left himworn through, aching, and on the edge of passing out. “It’s too easy,” he said,almost choking on his laughter. “Oh God, Jazz, don’t say things like that. I’mso tired I could die from laughing, I swear.”
Jasper picked at a thread in Miriam’s new rug. Then,apparently realizing what he was doing, he folded his hands in his lap. “Fine,should I say I was happy to help instead?”
“That’s certainly less hilariously ironic.”
Jazz’s lips turned up at the edges and he came closer,running his hand over the sleeve of the cardigan Nicky still had on despitesweating. He’d been both cold and hot for a while right before the medicationhad kicked in. “Let’s get some food in you and then we should hit the hay.”
Nicky followed Jasper up from the floor, his muscles stillcramping slightly. His stomach burned and he felt simultaneously famished andnauseated. Fucking delightful. “I don’t think I can eat that lasagna,” he said,running a hand through his damp hair. “Maybe a piece of bread or something.”
Jasper gently took hold of Nicky’s arm, leading him to aseat at the kitchen bar. “You sit there. I’ll zap the lasagna in the microwavefor me, and get some dry toast for you.” His eyes landed on a small bunch ofripe bananas and he ripped one off, handing it to Nicky. “Eat that. Potassiumis good for muscle cramps.”
“Yes, Father Jazz,” Nicky murmured, a snicker of a laughescaping as he watched Jasper grab the bread from his mother’s bread box andstart four pieces of toast. The banana tasted bland and sweet enough to settlehim, and he took a few bites before resting his head on his arms, too tired tosit up fully.
Jasper ruffled his hair. “Rest.”
He heard the beeping sound of Jasper punching numbers intothe microwave, and soon the cheesy smell of lasagna filled the room. Hisstomach clenched a little in rebellion, but he ignored it. Jasper deserved abig, fat piece of Miriam’s lasagna. After tonight, it might be anotherseventeen years before he had it again. If ever.
The morose thought accompanied a heavy sensation on hisheart. Nicky sighed, and sat up enough to take another bite of banana. It wasthe same oppressive, suffocating feeling he had when falling out from heroin orcoke, but this time it was from a different kind of short-term high altogether.
The sound of the toast popping brought him fully upright,and he took it from Jazz on one of his mother’s small plates.
“Try to eat them all. You could probably use some protein.Maybe eggs?”
Nicky grimaced. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”
Jasper sat on the stool next to him with the steaminglasagna. He’d put the big pan of it back in the fridge while Nicky’d restedwith his head on the counter. “Mmm, it’s still so good.”
“Yeah,” Nicky said, a tingle thrilling in his taint at thethick pleasure in Jazz’s voice. “I know. Mom’s an amazing cook.”
