Page 117 of Vespertine
“This isn’t goodbye,” Jasper insisted.
“No. Not unless you want it to be. And you can change yourmind later. We’ve both got shit we need to do right now to figure out where wefit. If we fit.”
“We’ll always fit.”
“My romantic little fox.” He stood on his toes to kissJasper’s nose, and then rubbed his lips against the stubble by his chin. “Ihope you’re right, but if it turns out your puzzle doesn’t need a recoveringjunkie rocker in it, I’ll understand.”No. Please, God, ifyou exist, let him want me always as a friend.
Jasper huffed. “What if you get out to L.A. and realize thata priest who can’t tell you what he wants right this second doesn’t fit intoyour puzzle? It’s not all up to me.”
“No, it’s not. I get to choose too.” He smiled. “I’ll alwayschoose you.”
“Not over your music.”
“Over making albums, over touring, over Los Angeles, overbeing famous or rich.” He looked into his eyes. “But I won’t ruin us by tryingto make you leave the priesthood, Jazz. I fucking won’t.”
Jasper’s eyes burned brighter. “Promise you’ll call me ifyou get in a situation where you feel like you can’t resist. Promise you won’t—thatyou’ll—that youwillcall me.”
“Okay.”
“Badger and Fox promise.”
Nicky laughed and crossed his heart, spit in his hand, andwiped it on the front of Jasper’s shirt. “I promise.”
Jasper nodded. “Okay, good.” He looked down at his shirt. “Whoseidea was this spit-wiping promise, anyway?”
“Mine.”
Jasper laughed. “Even at nine you had a crush on me, didn’tyou?”
“That was no crush. It was full-on love. And I wanted to putmy mouth on you so badly—somewhere, anywhere. Wiping my spit on you seemed likea viable alternative.”
“Marking me.”
Nicky touched the place on Jasper’s collar bone where,beneath his shirt, a dark red love bite bloomed. “Yeah.”
“Nicky—”
“I should go. The longer we drag it out, the more it’s goingto suck.”
“Like a Band-Aid.”
“You have my number,” Nicky said. “Use it.”
“There’s FaceTime and texts. We’ll stay in touch.”
“Sure.”
Jasper reached and wrapped his arms around Nicky hard. “Ineed to know that you know how much I love you.”
“I do.”
“And?”
Nicky laughed against his hair. “I love you too, baby.”
Then he pried himself away and forced himself to walk to hiscar without looking back. He was afraid if he did, he’d run back to Jasper’sarms and refuse to leave.
Jasper ground his teeth together so hard a headachebegan to flare from the back of his skull. He pressed the office phone to hisear harder when Mrs. Wells’s shadow appeared in the frosted glass door. Sheknocked briskly and stepped inside, but he shook his head at her before she’dbegun to talk. Her eyes widened a little and she paused, then mouthed,it’s urgentbefore leaving. Jasper had time to notice shelooked pale and grave, and he wished he was allowed to swear.
