Page 118 of Vespertine
“Unacceptable,” Archbishop Ramsey was saying. “He’s a drugaddict, for crying out loud! My assistant checked some of his music and thesongs are an abomination! They are a direct attack on God.”No,Jasper thought,they’re an attack on me. “And you lethim sing to those children. He cannot be allowed to interact with them again.They’re already sinners—”
“As you said.” Jasper couldn’t keep quiet any longer. Hisheart beat too fast from the three cups of coffee he’d drunk after twosleepless nights, and it only amplified the unease and crushing guilt thatcrawled under the surface of his skin. “They’re children.”
“Their lifestyle choices will lead them down a path of sin.Much like your own would’ve done if you hadn’t been called to God. I’veexpressed my doubts to Bishop Murray of having someone like you be in charge ofchildren like that, and all I’m seeing after those pictures with that man is mydoubts justified. Blue Oasis should be a shelter for all homeless children, notjust the ones you feel an affinity with.”
Jasper squeezed his eyes closed. He had to fight back, tostand up for himself and the kids in his care, but his brain couldn’t function.He was filled with self-doubt, a sinister little voice suggesting that maybeArchbishop Ramsey was right.
He tried anyway. “Children who are gay, lesbian or trans runa far greater risk of ending up on the streets—kicked out there by their ownparents. They face more bullying in foster homes and they’re passed through thesystem a lot more often. I showed you all these figures when I proposed theopening of Blue Oasis seven years ago. These kids run a bigger risk of endingup in prostitution, or as drug addicts, or both.”
“If the school was run with an iron hand a zero tolerancetoward bullying, that wouldn’t be a problem.”
Unless it’s the iron hand that does thebullying. His phone buzzed in his pocket, but he ignored it for now. “I’veshowed you research—”
The archbishop didn’t let him finish. His voice had droppedfrom the loud righteous rant to a low, no-nonsense tone that scared Jaspermore. “Let me set this straight, Father Hendricks. The future of Blue Oasis ishanging by a precarious thread. If you allow that Nico Blue back into thebuilding, I will sever that thread in an instant. Do I make myself clear?”
Jasper’s chest tightened like a snake had wrapped itselfaround him. His fingers shook against the old wooden grain of the desk, and hewatched tiny dust particles dance in the beams of sunlight that fell throughthe slightly grimy window. He could easily tell Ramsey that Nicky was gone andprobably wouldn’t be back any time soon, but why should he?
Jasper closed his eyes and rubbed his chest. Nicky had tocome back. He was safe here. But that wasn’t Jasper’s call to make.
“Crystal clear,” Jasper gritted out. The connection broke.He set the phone down slowly. What could he do? Nothing was worth the safety ofthese kids. He’d give up everything he owned to keep this place open. Thethought of Blue Oasis closing made him feel sick to his stomach.
Mrs. Wells needed him urgently but instead of going to seeher, he picked up the phone again.
It only rang twice before he was met with a cheery, “Hello?”
“Thomas, it’s Jasper. Can you come to the church thismorning? I’d like to do a confession.”
A startled silence followed. Had it really been that longsince he’d confessed? Jasper was far from perfect. He was driven by pride atthe worst times and he’d let himself become complacent and distracted.
“Sure,” Thomas said. “But I can come to your office at BlueOasis, if you want. You’re not back at the church again until tomorrow morning,right?”
“Not this time, Thomas.” Jasper squeezed his eyes closed andswallowed past the fear in his chest. “I—I need the confessional.”
The silence felt charged and it made the hairs on Jasper’snape rise.Right where Nicky caressed you and held you andkissed you.
“Jasper?” Thomas asked gently. “Is everything all right? Iheard the Archbishop was pretty angry about those leaked pictures, but—”
“Yes, I’m fine.” He took a shuddery breath and thought ofNicky about to take off on an airplane right now. “Actually, no. I’m notreally.”
“I can be there in an hour. Will that do?”
“Yes.” Jasper sighed but he didn’t feel any relief. He felttorn in two directions and neither were a road he could possibly take. Wheredid that leave him? He said goodbye to Thomas and lifted his phone out of hispocket. Two messages from Nicky.
About to take off so no more texting.
I miss you already.
There was a new little scratch on his screen and he wonderedwhen it had happened. When he’d tossed the phone in the boat without secondthought and dove after Nicky like he had no other choice? He could’ve taken theboat out instead and hauled Nicky in it before returning them both home safely,integrity intact.
You didn’t do anything you didn’t want to do,Jasperthought. He picked up his phone.
I miss you too. Have a safe flight.
The message didn’t deliver. Nicky was probably in the air. He’d send it againlater. He took a moment to compose himself and then stood, feeling shaky.
Mrs. Wells’s office was closed so he knocked gently andwaited for her, “Enter.”
A small shape sat in oversized clothes in one chair and Mrs.Wells sat beside it, holding a small, dark hand.
