Page 22 of Vespertine
“Well, that was three years ago andtheynever came back.” Adrian’s mouth twisted into a grimace. “We had a creepy guyonce, though. We did call the cops on him. He’d cut your name into his chestwith a razor blade.” He shuddered and Nicky did too. “NICOBLUEin big bloody letters.” Adrian rubbed a hand over his chest andwhistled. “Looked awful.”
“Holy shit, Dad.” Why had his parents never told him thesethings before?
Adrian nodded. “Your mother nearly murdered me over thatone.”
“Why? It wasn’t your fault.”
“Because I almost passed out,” he said a little sheepishly. “ButI pulled it together and called Dick down at the police station and they sent acar over. We didn’t press charges because the kid’s father came to collect him.The man was an attorney too, very embarrassed, and he begged me to let it go.”Adrian’s lips sagged at the edges with a frown. “He asked that we just let theboy’s scars be his punishment.” He looked sideways at Nicky. “Your mom and Iunderstood what it was like to have a kid who sometimes makes bad choices; thekind of bad choices that he’ll have to live with for a long, long time. So weagreed.”
Nicky swallowed hard.
Adrian shook his head musingly. “I must say that kid seemedpretty proud of himself, though. I don’t think he was right in the head.”
“Dad, I had no idea.”
“Well, you don’t call very often. Your mother wanted ourphone calls with you to focus only on the positive.” Adrian cleared his throat.“She’s been hoping for you to come back home for a long time, you know. She won’ttell you this, but I know she’d like you to stay.”
Nicky worried the edge of his sleeve. “I don’t think that’spossible, Dad.”
“Yes, I know. She’s—we’re both—really glad you’re here withus for now, son. And I’m proud of you for admitting you need our help. Anyone’shelp, really, but I’m honored you trust us enough that you’d want to be here.”
Nicky didn’t know what to say. “You’re my parents. I love you.”
“Well, for a lot of years, I have to admit we weren’t sureyou did.” Adrian swallowed hard. “I’m not trying to be passive-aggressive. I’mjust stating the truth.”
Nicky’s eyes blurred a little and he squeezed his fist untilhis nails dug in. “You deserved a better kid.” He’d been filth; literal trash,tossed away. Broken from the beginning. “You had no idea what you were gettinginto when you adopted me.”
Adrian fiddled with the dead air conditioning vents. “Funnything is, even if you’d been ours from birth, we still would’ve had no ideawhat we were getting into. No one does. It’s always a crapshoot, son.” Adrianlooked at him from the corner of his eye. “I’d even wager that we knew betterthan most what we might expect. We knew your birth mother was a crack andheroin addict, that you were severely underweight and suffering from multipleinfections. We knew you’d been left to die in a dumpster, and that there was agood chance, given everything you’d been through, you’d have a tough timebonding with us. And, well, that was true. For a very long time.”
Nicky had written so many songs about it. Had Adrian heardthem? Did he understand what Nicky had meant with his lyrics?
Curled up in safe silence
Crying for the heartbeat that fed
Vibrant crack of rushing life
In my cage of death
“I never fit in here.” As he said the words, he realizedthat he didn’t feel like that anymore. Little Heights and his parents’ home wasthe womb he needed now. He needed to be here so he could be born again assomeone new, someone not Nico Blue. He shuddered and rubbed his fingers overhis eyes, a headache starting in his temples. “I felt like an alien.”
“I’m so sorry about that, Nicky.” Adrian sounded sad at asoul-deep level, and Nicky wanted to take it all away.
“It wasn’t your fault. You and Mom tried.” He squeezedAdrian’s shoulder, wishing he could make him understand. “You did everythingfor me, but I just couldn’t get to you. It was like…” he remembered more lyricshe’d written:
Pry me open, crawl inside
I’m trapped here alone
A rotting parasite
“What was it like, son?” Adrian gently prodded.
“It was like I was in a walking, talking flesh dummy and Icouldn’t get to you. I couldn’t get to anyone.”
“You got to Jasper,” Adrian said softly.
Nicky stared at Adrian’s profile. He sounded almost like heknew the truth about him and Jasper. It wasn’t that hard to believe; Nicky hadalways been a bad liar, and subtlety wasn’t anywhere near his middle name.
