Page 40 of Vespertine
Jasper closed the patio door with a much louder bang than heintended. “Mrs. B, it’s fine, I—”
Nicky looked over his shoulder with a wicked gleam in hiseyes. “C’mon Jazz. You can’t eat my mom’s Rugelach with lichen smeared all overyour front.”
Jasper automatically trailed after Nicky toward the stairs. “Shemade Rugelach?”
Laughing, Nicky began to climb, one hand heavy on thebanister. “You really haven’t changed.”
To Jasper’s surprise, Nicky turned toward one of the sparebedrooms. Hesitating, he glanced at the next set of stairs that led up to alarge attic room.
When Nicky spoke, his voice came from so close Jasperstartled. “I don’t sleep up there anymore,” he softly said.
“Oh? Did they turn it into a man-cave for Adrian after youleft?” That seemed unlike the Blumfelds.
Nicky’s shoulder brushed his and Jasper had trouble keepingeye contact. “Triggers. Sense memories of using up there. I need all the help Ican get to stay sober.” When Jasper said nothing—had nothing to say—Nicky’seyes twinkled. “But we can go up there if you like. Take a look around. Nothinghas changed. That old bean bag you loved so much is still up there. Rememberthat bean bag, Jazz?” Nicky bit his lip and Jasper looked down.
“Don’t, Nicky.”
“Okay.” And easy as that, Nicky stepped away and into thebedroom. “You’re taller and a little bigger than me now, but I’ve got somebaggy shirts that’ll fit you.”
Jasper took a careful breath, his mind reeling in so manydirections he couldn’t get a grip on a single thought. Not having much choice,he went into the room. Nicky was rummaging around in a drawer until he pulledout a dark red Henley.
“Thanks,” Jasper said, reaching for it. He looked around.
“You can change in here.” Nicky crossed his arms and leanedagainst the closet. Jasper didn’t move, just stood with the shirt hanging byhis side, staring at Nicky. “You need help?” Nicky began to smile, a slow smileJasper had seen a thousand times, and oh God, it didn’t spell anything good. “Whatis it,Father? Am I getting to you? Does it botheryou that I still want you?” Nicky leaned forward a little and that wicked,wickedsmile sucked all the oxygen out of the room. “Doesit bother you that I still jerk off thinking of you?”
Jasper clenched his jaw down hard on anything he wanted tosay and with brisk movements began to strip out of his shirt. He yanked so hardtwo buttons sprang off and Nicky’s eyebrows rose in amusement. By the time he’dpulled the Henley over his head, Nicky’s grin was feral.
“Satisfied?” Jasper asked, angrier than he meant to show.Anger meant loss of control, and he felt like he couldn’t risk losing any kindof control around Nicky.
“Hmm. You were a good-looking boy, but as a man? Damn. And Ialways liked how you looked in red.” He pushed away from the closet and crowdedJasper toward the door. When there was no more room to move farther back, Nickysaid, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a shower.”
Not until he stood outside in the hallway did Jasper realizeNicky had avoided taking any of his own clothes off with him in the room. Thesound of water from Nicky’s en suite bathroom reached his ears, and Jasperheaded down the hallway toward what he knew was a half bath and stepped inside.The interior had been repainted, but Jasper recognized the oval mirror and thefixtures like it hadn’t been over seventeen years since he’d washed his handsin there. He carefully dabbed water on his face and then dried it—evenrecognizing the scent of the detergent as part of the old Nicky’s smell. A boltof something hot and no longer familiar shot through his belly and Jasperlowered the towel. The shirt hung loose against his chest but it strainedaround his biceps. It felt soft and worn and he imagined it was exactly thekind of thing Nicky would sleep in.
What am I doing?
Jasper carefully hung the towel back and made his waydownstairs.
He managed to convince Mrs. Blumfeld he could wash and ironthe black shirt himself, and when Adrian appeared with the files, she left themto it.
“Take a seat,” Adrian said, indicating the comfortablecouch. “Thanks for helping outside. Miriam worries too much and my son informsme I’m out of shape.”
“Anytime. It’s no problem. Just let me know if you need morehelp with the rest of it, and I’ll be here.”
“You always were a good kid, Jasper. Even back when you boysgot into trouble. I know what you did for Nicky, and while I’m not saying itwas right—”
“It’s in the past,” Jasper quickly said. Adrian gave him alook that said he wasn’t so sure, but didn’t press.
“All right. Well,” he shuffled the files and placed them onthe coffee table. “I’ve taken a good look at this, and basically, as it stands,everything is in the hands of the Catholic Church, and you have no right toclaim any of it.”
“So there’s nothing I can do to keep itLGBTQ-only?”
“Nothing within the Church’s boundaries, no.”
Jasper covered his face with his hands. He tried to breathepast the sheer disappointment that made his gut ache. He’d been afraid of this,but hadn’t allowed himself to worry about it yet.
“You do have some options though,” Adrian said. “You’d haveto reapply for several grants, find a new location, shut down the old BlueOasis—which according to your contract youcando—andstart all over again.”
“On my own?”
