Page 43 of Vespertine
“I don’t want her to see them.”
“Remember when we were kids and you fell off that too-highlimb on Mr. Maples’s big oak tree?”
Nicky didn’t really want to hear where this was going, but hetouched the back of his head with his hand and rubbed the line of hairless skinthat his longish flop usually covered easily. “I mainly remember you puking allover Mr. Maples’s hammock later in the summer. But yeah, I still have the scar.”
“You didn’t want her to know then either.”
Nicky sighed. “Well, I’m not going to end up in the ER atmidnight with a concussion because of the scars on my arms.”
“I know. I just never understood that. If it’d been me… well,I probably wouldn’t have been really excited to tellmymom about it, but I’d probably have happily told yours. She always just wantedto love you.”
“I’m not the easiest guy to love. Never have been.” Nickypicked at the threads at the end of his sleeve. “What? Don’t look at me likethat. Take your shot or are we done with the game?”
“You’re as lovable as any child of God.”
“Well, doesn’t that just make me feel special as fuck?”
Jazz sighed and dribbled for a few moments, his expressionconsidering, and then he seemed to shake off whatever it was he’d planned tosay next. He spun the ball on one index finger and shot a sly grin at Nicky. “Alittle trick I use to impress the kids.”
“Sexy.”
Jazz grinned, and then stopped showing off to take anothereasy bank shot. He said a little too casually, “Well, it comes naturally. Whatcan I say?”
Nicky snorted and caught the ball beneath the goal. “Arepriests allowed to flirt?”
Jazz’s expression grew serious. “I’m sorry. I don’t want tolead you on or act like there’s a chance for—for anything. But I’d like to befriends. I’ve missed you in my life, and, if I can indulge my pride again—yetanother thing to add for confession—”
“Being around me is good for racking up sins.”
Jazz rolled his eyes. It was adorable and Nicky wanted tokiss him, but that wasn’t going to happen and what Jazz was offering was morethan he’d expected.
“You need a friend, Nicky, and I think you need a goodperson in your life; someone who cares about you and wants the best for you.Someone who doesn’t want to load you up and send you out onstage. I did somereading up on addiction and I found this article that talked about theimportance of bonding to human beings who have your best interests at heart, tobuild meaningful everyday relationships. If you can let go of the past, I couldbe that friend. I’d like to be.”
“Why? I’m sure you’ve got plenty of friends.”
“I do. But I’ve only got one Nicholas Blumfeld in my lifeand I’ve really missed him.” Jasper swallowed. “I didn’t realize how much untilI saw you again.”
“Say that again?”
Jazz hugged his arms around his middle. “That I’ve missedyou?”
“My name.”
“Nicholas Blumfeld?”
“Yeah.” Nicky scratched his eyebrow with his thumb. “Okay,it’s a deal. Just promise me, you’ll never call me Nico Blue?”
“Well, that’s easy. I never have. Do you prefer it?Nicholas, I mean. Do you want me to stop calling you Nicky?”
“Nah.” Nicky walked closer, his heart climbing up into histhroat and pounding there until he could barely speak. “So you think I stillhave something good to offer the world?”
“Of course you do, Nicky.” Jazz’s arms fell loosely to hissides. “You have a lot of beautiful gifts. And, maybe someday you can sharesome of those with a man who loves you.”
Jazz reached for the ball in Nicky’s hands. Their fingerstouched as they both held on. Jazz’s Adam’s apple bobbed and their gaze held.Nicky cleared his throat, “Whose turn is it?”
“I don’t know.” Jazz’s eyes fell to Nicky’s mouth.
Nicky licked his lips and pushed the ball into Jazz’s hands,letting go and taking a step back. “I think you won.” He chuckled and scuffedhis foot on the asphalt, looking at the black marks it made on the white soleof his stupid sneaker. “Guess I’ve finally lost the title.” He looked up andsmirked, his stomach knotting at the murky sadness in Jazz’s greenish-goldeyes. “Congratulations to the new Horse Master.”
