Page 54 of Vespertine
“No.” Jasper fixed her with an unapologetic look. “He doesn’tgo by that name, unless he’s performing.”
Mrs. Wells blinked. “Okay. Well, he’s still here and thekids are already starting to turn toward him with the kind of hero worship thatI can’t indulge, Father. I know you used to be friends, but surely youunderstand what a bad influence a man like Nicholas can be on theseimpressionable young children. They’re already broken and some of them arekicking drug habits themselves. Having a man like that around could be verydetrimental—”
Jasper breathed deeply and evenly and his shoulders relaxedas he felt God’s presence like a hand on his shoulder. “A man like what, Mrs.Wells? Someone who is repentant of his sins? Who has been through hell and istrying to make things right despite prejudice and the other demons that haunthim? Someone who truly means to make things better, for himself and for thepeople he may have hurt in his path? Does any of this sound familiar to you,Mrs. Wells? What do you think Jesus would do, if he was here with us?I came not to call the righteous, but the sinners.”
She pursed her lips. “How do you know he really isrepentant? How do you know he’s not secretly carrying drugs in here?”
“Because I know him. And I believe in him, and I will givehim the benefit of the doubt rather than judge him harshly. Do you know whataddicts need the most? To build relationships with human beings who care aboutthem, and instead society casts them aside like modern-day lepers. The entireidea Catholicism is based on, Mrs. Wells, is to do good to those who are lessfortunate. Instead religion has turned into a veneer of charity andBible-quoting while we turn our backs on those who need us, however they maylook, however they may have sinned.”
“Father,” Mrs. Wells said, eyes wide. “I have spent everysingle moment of my time over the past seven years looking after these kids. Iresent what you imply. Nicholas Blumfeld was a troublemaker as a child and fromwhat I’ve learned about his life since, he’s only worse. He may want to change,but until I’ve seen that change I will stand between him and these children.”Her eyes shimmered a little and Jasper felt terrible when she turned on herheels and left.
Mrs. Wells was not his enemy. She’d been an ally on hisdarkest days and now he’d hurt her feelings. He stepped out into the hallwaybut she was nowhere to be seen. The music bounced off the walls liketantalizing echoes but he turned away from it and went into the cafeteria. Mrs.Wells stood by the coffee maker, dabbing her eyes.
“I’m sorry.” Jasper put a hand lightly on her shoulder butshe didn’t turn around. “You are absolutely right in wanting to protect thekids and they, the Church, and me, we’re all lucky to have you. I was out ofline. But let me vouch for Nicky. He needs our help, not our contempt.”
“I’ve been a great help to you,” Mrs. Wells said hoarsely.
“Yes, you have.”
“And I’ve always been on your side.”
“I know, Mrs. Wells.”
“You hurt my feelings.”
Jasper’s chest felt tight. “That wasn’t my intention. I’mreally sorry.”
She turned around and gave him a weak smile. “I know youare. Okay. I’ll give Nicholas a chance. But I’ll be watching him.”
“Thank you.” Jasper squeezed her shoulder and finallyallowed himself to go where he’d wanted to be all along.
He almost turned around to grab two coffees but then amelody reached him, the sound familiar and wholly different from anyperformance he’d heard before. His throat went tight as he realized what he washearing and his heart began to thud. Leaving Mrs. Wells and all thoughts ofcoffee behind, he followed the thread of music, hearing it get thicker andfuller as he walked. His steps echoed through the hallway, up the stairs,harder and faster until he was running.
The door to the rec room stood ajar, and there was Nicky,guitar in his hand, looking more like his old self than Jasper had seen himsince he’d arrived here. He sang to Lizzie as if there was no one else in theworld who mattered. The kids all stared at him in rapture, for once too caughtup in the moment to remember they were gangly, awkward teenagers.
Every word Nicky sang reflected on his face. Every woundingloss, every flaying emotion passed through his eyes before it left his mouth,and Jasper could only stare.
Nicky and Lizzie’s voices harmonized beautifully,reverberating in a space deep inside of Jasper, a forgotten chamber of hisheart that’d been empty for years. A long extinguished yearning burned in hisveins, flooding his chest and belly with a warmth that spread outward until thehairs on the back of his neck rose. A thick knot settled in his throat and atear tracked its way toward his mouth before he even realized his eyes werewet.
The ache in his chest grew and grew, until he instinctivelypressed his hand over it. If this longing spread any further he’d be utterly,completely lost. His fall would be inevitable, like the rebelling angelsagainst God.
And I’d fall gladly, Jasperthought in the deepest, darkest corner of his mind, as the song came to an end.
Lizzie looked more alive than she had since she’d arrived inthe church, small and scared. Nicky seemed more real too, more solid than Jazzknew how to deal with. There were too many feelings attached to Nicky when helooked like this: beautiful, open, vulnerable.
I’ll spread my arms and fall to my demise and let it embraceme like the wings of an angel.
“Hey, it’s Father Jazz!”
Jasper blinked. He wasn’t sure who’d spoken but the entiregroup began to laugh. “So you’ve met our local rock star, have you?” he said,finally tearing his eyes away from Nicky’s intense blue scrutiny. The kidsbegan to talk all at once and he tried to pay attention to them instead, but heremained painfully aware of Nicky gently plucking the strings on his guitar. “Okay,okay calm down. I need to talk to my friend for a second. Mark, Angie, you godown and get lunch prep started. Gus, I think you have dishwasher duty, and itwas still full when I checked this morning. The rest of you, go outside, enjoythe summer while it lasts.”
“Can I take a selfie with you, Nico?” Mark asked.
Nicky glanced at Jasper, who shrugged. “Sure,” Nickyanswered. “If you want. Just…don’t put it on any social media and tag me, okay?I’m trying to keep a low profile.”
“Can I put it on our Blue Oasis page? It’s private. I won’ttag you, I promise.”
When Nicky looked toward Jasper again, Jasper said, “No onelooks at it apart from the kids, Mrs. Wells, and the odd follower from thechurch itself. It’s pretty secure.”
