Page 103 of Vespertine
“What is it? Nicky,please!”Jasper begged, more scared than he ever remembered being.
“My patch is gone. For my maintenance meds. It must’ve comeoff in the water.”
“What does that mean?”
Nicky reached for his glass of water, and Jasper helped himsteady it as he drank and then set it on the counter.
Nicky stumbled into the living room and Jasper followed him,grabbing his arm when he nearly fell over on his way to the couch.
“I need a new one. I’m…” Nicky looked at Jasper and thenquickly away again. Jasper couldn’t figure out if the flush on his cheeks wasfever or embarrassment. “I’m going into withdrawal,” he whispered.
Jasper helped him settle down on the couch. “Okay.” Henodded, some of the urgency leaving his body as he calmed. No heart attack. Nodry drowning. “Okay, that’s better but still…not good. Who do I call? Do youneed a doctor? Do you have new patches?”
“Yeah. I don’t need a doctor. I have to ride this out.Maybe—” he glanced at Jasper with red-rimmed eyes and then closed them. “Maybeyou should go home now.”
“What? No!” Jasper pushed Nicky’s hair off his forehead. Itwas damp again with sweat, and Nicky grabbed his hand and held it between bothof his. He might say he didn’t want Jasper here, but Jasper didn’t believe fora minute he really wanted to go through this alone. “I’m not leaving you. We’rein this together. Tell me where the patches are and I’ll help you.” Nicky bithis lip and moisture gathered in in the corners of his eyes. He still wouldn’tlook at Jasper, but the grip on his hands was like iron. “Is it really so hardto accept my help, Nicky?” Jasper asked him softly.
“No. Yes. I don’t know, fuck. It’s not that. It’sembarrassing.”
Jasper took a careful breath. “Let me get you the patch first.”
“They’re in my bathroom cabinet. Be careful you don’t touchthe sticky side.”
“Okay. Just don’t move.” Jasper leaned over and kissed Nicky’sforehead. Nicky reached out for his arm as his eyes flew open in a panic, andJasper bent back down to kiss him softly on the mouth. “I’ll be right back, Ipromise.”
He found the patches and brought the whole box down,determined to read the instructions in case they offered any information onwhat to do if a patch came off early.
Nicky was still where he left him, but he’d curled up in aball, shivering and looking miserable.
“Oh, Nicky.” Jasper knelt beside him and stroked his hairout of his face. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s n-n-not your f-fault.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t feel for you going through this.Where do I put it?”
Nicky held out his arm. “But seriously, don’t you fuckingtouch—”
“Shh. I know.” Jasper peeled back the protective layer onthe patch and pressed it to Nicky’s arm, holding his hand over it so it couldwarm and the glue would definitely stick. “How long until you feel better?”
“I don’t know.” Nicky grimaced. “Shit, I’d forgotten howfucking awful this feels.”
Jasper stroked his hair. “Was it always like this?”
Nicky opened his eyes and looked at him. “Worse,” hewhispered, then laughed a little desolately. “So much worse.”
Jasper nodded and felt his heart crack. Nicky closed hiseyes again and didn’t say anything else, so Jasper tried to read theinstructions for the patch, but there was nothing useful. He pulled out hisphone and googled withdrawal symptoms. When it seemed like Nicky had falleninto a restless sleep, Jasper went into the kitchen, grabbed some fresh water,wet a towel, and then lifted a throw off the back of the couch. He coveredNicky, then kneeled on the floor again and waited.
“I want a hit so bad,” Nicky suddenly said, and Jasperjolted, his stomach turning to ice. “I know it will make everything better.”
“Not in the long run.”
“Do you think I fucking care about the long run right now?”
Jasper ignored him. “Do you think you can sit up?”
Nicky eyed him suspiciously. “Why?”
“I have ice water and I don’t want you to drown.” He held upthe glass and Nicky’s eyes zeroed in on it. He sat up slowly, and Jasper helpedhim drink. “Now stand up.”
