Page 125 of Vespertine
“C’mon, Nicky. It’s just a house. Just an empty house. Getit over with.”
He got out of the car and walked up the front path, ignoringthe overgrown rosemary and mint that brushed against his ankles. Just as hestarted to unlock the door, it opened from the inside. He swallowed hard andhis heart dropped into his shoes. His head buzzed and a surge of fear hit himhard enough that he felt weak-kneed.
“Man, you came,” Mick said, relief shining through hisdrug-slurred words.
“We’ve been looking everywhere for you, dude,” Nicky said,reaching out to take hold of Mick’s arm.
Mick shook free. “I didn’t think you’d look for me. I hopedyou would. But I didn’t think you cared, you know?” He leaned against the doorjamb, white as a sheet and shaking like a leaf. “Surprise. You found me.”
“In my house.”
“Yeah, I figured why not. You weren’t using it.” His grinseemed to slide all over his face. “C’mon. Come inside. See what I’ve got forus.”
Nicky swallowed thickly. He hung back. He didn’t think heshould go inside, actually. He was pretty sure he needed Ramona here, or hismom, or Jasper, because he had a really fucking good idea of what he was goingto find inside, and he was terrified he couldn’t say no to it.
“It’s good stuff, man. So good. I feel so fucking muchbetter. You will too.” Mick wandered back into the darkness of the hallwaywhere Nicky couldn’t see him anymore.
The top of his left foot itched and burned, the angel foxsending up a flare of warning.
Slowly, his feet moved forward, and Nicky shut the doorbehind him.
Jasper put down the phone with a click that feltunderstated compared to the roaring thunder in his veins. His hands wereclammy, and he had to pry his fingers loose from where they’d cramped aroundthe horn. He closed his eyes and tried to swallow but his mouth was too dry. Itwas done. The archbishop’s condemning voice still reverberated in his head, buthe pushed it aside.
Almost afraid to try, but knowing he had to, he reachedwithin himself and searched for the core of strength that had always beenthere. It glowed as steadily as ever; his love for God would never change.
Thank you, he thought, feeling thegratitude in the bottom of his heart. His nerves steadied.Thankyou for giving me this second chance.
He glanced at his phone but there were no new messages. Thelast text he’d received from Nicky had been a photograph.
This is what happens when a drummer ladycorners you, it read, and Jasper grinned. A fresh faced Nicky wassmiling at him, hair a lot shorter, but still long and choppy enough to fallaround his forehead in a boyish way. He looked guileless. Happy. Jasper’s heartsoared.
For a moment, he sat in his office, closed his eyes, andthought about the things he’d miss. Andrew. The rituals of preparation forMass. The calm of the church. The parishioners and the people who needed him.Vanity, he thought, and smiled.
He’d have to add another sin to his list soon. Jealousy overwatching someone else preside over Mass. But it would fade over time,especially… He opened his eyes. Nicky. He should call him and tell him it wasdone. Or maybe he could surprise him. Take some time off. Blue Oasis was safenow. He had his work cut out for him with reapplying for the grants andfunding. It would require a ton of paperwork beforeBOwas in his own hands. And he’d have to work like a horse to keep it that way,but not today.
Telling people wasn’t going to be easy. He’d lose therespect of many, and that stung his pride, but in the long run he knew itwouldn’t matter. He rose to his feet, hesitated for a second, then moved to thesmall antique bookcase tucked into his office. The glass reflected him like hewas looking into still water, but the white of his collar was crisp and clear.With sure, gentle fingers, he worked it loose and popped the button of hisshirt.
Then he opened the door of his office and crossed the hallto Mrs. Wells’s.
“Father.” She smiled. “What can I do for y—” Her eyesflicked to the collar in his hands. “Everything all right?”
“Yes. Everything is fine, Mrs. Wells. Things are going to bedifferent. But fine.”
She rose to her feet, abandoning what looked like Keshaun’scase file. “Different how?”
“Blue Oasis won’t be affiliated with the Church anymore. Thearchbishop’s secretary will be sending the first of the paperwork throughsometime today. We’ll have a meeting with lawyers present before long to sorteverything out, but for now we have permission to continue as we are until theend of the year.”
“But…why?”
Jasper looked down at his hands. “The easiest thing to dowould be to tell you that the Church wanted to make Blue Oasis a shelter forall children, not just queer ones.” Mrs. Wells gasped, but Jasper held up hishand. “Which is true, and you know as well as I do what that would’ve meant. Icould tell you the price of keeping it open was to leave the Church quietly.The archbishop never liked me, so that part is true as well. But the real truthis, if it wasn’t for Nicky—Nicholas Blumfeld—I’d have fought him. I’d havetried to stay in the Church and I’d have kept Blue Oasis open too. But I loveNicky, Mrs. Wells. And I can’t be a priest and love him at the same time.”
She gaped at him—there was no other word for it—and despitethe racket of his nervous heart, he looked her steadily in the eye. If shecondemned him, he didn’t stand a chance with the rest of Little Heights.
Just as she opened her mouth to say something, they heardthe pounding echo of footsteps down the hall.
“Father! Father!”
Alarmed, he stuck his head out of Mrs. Wells’s office. Shejoined him in a hurry. Some of her grey hair had come loose from her bun, andshe looked rattled, but all her attention was on the girl racing toward them.
