Page 25 of Vespertine
The bishop held up his hands. “I’m on your side, Jasper. Ialways have been. Archbishop Ramsey is my superior and I respect him, but I’veknown he doesn’t carry any particular fondness for you, and I’ve alwaysconsidered it wrong of him. Butyouknow the CatholicChurch, and you know their stance. In fact…” Thomas put his cup of tea down andrubbed his forehead.
A sliver of worry wormed its way into Jasper’s heart and hewent still, waiting.
“The archbishop and I also talked about the requests you’vemade. He’s happy with the work you do for homeless children and children whofind no place within the system.” For someone bearing good news, Thomas lookeduncommonly grave as he folded his hands on the table, so Jasper said nothing. “He’spleased with your work and he’s agreed to expand. You may hire two more peopleto help out Mrs. Wells and Andrew. And, yes, you can hire more if Blue Oasiscontinues to grow.”
“I can?” Jasper sat up straight and his heart began to beatfast in excitement. “We have beds here for over fifty kids. I could fill overhalf of those with my waiting list alone. Social services from all over theEast Coast are contacting me regardingLGBTQchildren who desperately need a better place to stay. Thomas, you have no idea—”
“There is one condition.” Thomas spread his hands. His palmswere age-roughened and leathery, and the left hand trembled just a little. Itwasn’t the first time Jasper thought Thomas really was getting old. “You haveto open up the youth center for children of all orientations. Not just theLGBTQgroup.”
The excitement inside Jasper’s belly withered and died, andhe stared at Thomas in disbelief. “So they can fall through the cracks of thesystem again. Do you know how many kids out on the streets are queer? You knowhow many of them have to sell their bodies to survive?” He jabbed an angryfinger in the direction of the door. “These kids are rejected by their parentsfor who they are. I’m not saying they deserve help more than the others, butthey are less likely to receive the kind of help they need in foster homes oranywhere else. Plus, they’re more likely to be bullied and harassed. And nowyou want me to give up on them too!”
“You know that I don’t. Ramsey said they would still beaccepted in Blue Oasis, Jasper.”
“This was supposed to be a safe place for them. Away fromthe fear and bullying they’ve known their whole lives. What do you think willhappen if the majority of the kids are straight? The gay ones will feelthreatened and disappear. Like they always do. Back to the streets. That wasthe whole point of this, Thomas. And if that’s the case, I say thanks but nothanks to the condition. I’d rather help ten of them with the resources I havethan none at all.”
Thomas reached for his tea. “I was afraid you might saythat.”
“I have no choice.”
“No. I can see how you’d think so.” Thomas smiled. “So tellme about them. Anyone spread their wings recently?”
Jasper relaxed a little but found it impossible to let hisguard down completely. “Yes. Jonathan Michaels moved out two weeks ago. He’s ina small apartment off Main Street and we managed to find him a part-time jobwhile he takes early education classes at the community college.”
“Sounds promising. Does that mean you have a new addition?”
“Just today, actually. A sixteen-year-old girl calledLizzie. Very bright. I think she’ll have no trouble fitting in.”
“Good.” Thomas’s eyes twinkled. “How’s Bible study going?”
Jasper snorted softly and picked up his whoopie pie. “Nothinggets past you, does it?”
“Not really. Not even those safe sex kits you have lyingaround in the hallway.”
Jasper groaned. “Thomas…”
“Let’s not talk about that now,” Thomas said. He pinnedJasper with a stern look. “But we will. After tea.”
“I actually have a question for you.” Jasper picked at thepie but didn’t eat it. Thomas inclined his head, so he continued. “Is thereanything in your life, before you became a priest, you wish you’d donedifferently? A mistake you may have made, something that might’ve impactedsomeone else’s life that you…regret?”
Thomas smiled, but his brow furrowed a little with concern. “Weall make mistakes, Jasper. You know that just as well as I do. As much as wepray for guidance, we’re still human, which means we’re inherently flawed. Westill have to make our own choices and sometimes they’re the wrong ones. Allyou can do is deal with the aftermath as best as you can and let God show youthe way.”
“I realize that, it’s just…something has come to myattention recently. It’s…I thought it was in the past, and I’ve been living mylife like it belonged there, but maybe—” He pushed his plate aside and wrappedhis hands around his mug of tea. “What if my choices set someone on a path thatpushed them into doing bad things? Destructive things.”
The smile had disappeared from Thomas’s face. “Are wetalking about something criminal here?”
“No. At least not…not in way that it would harm anyone butthis person. I just mean…there was someone in my youth. He was my best friend.In fact, he was more than that.” Jasper glanced at Thomas, but all he saw wasunderstanding. “When we were seventeen…he’d started to hang out with anotherkid. Someone who was into doing drugs. I was busy with school and my altar boyduties and Nicky got bored waiting for me, I guess. Then one day I felt Ineeded to prove I was cool too, and this kid and Nicky came to my house with abunch of pot. We smoked it, and of course my parents came home. I convincedthem it was mine because Jimmy’s home situation was precarious, at best, andNicky…” Jasper’s mouth lifted in a half-smile. “I didn’t want Nicky to get intotrouble either. My parents grounded me for the whole summer. The next time Isaw him I told him I’d be leaving for college.”
“To become a celibate priest,” Thomas said, nodding. “Ialways wondered why you seemed so torn when you used to come to me to talkabout your calling. I could see God’s joy in you and at the same time it wastearing you apart. I guess your friend didn’t react too well. Is this the oneyou were always with? What was his name? Jewish boy. Blumfeld?”
“Yes, Nicholas Blumfeld. And it wasn’t that he didn’t reactwell, it just…blindsided him. I’m afraid my choices might have caused him tomake some bad decisions afterward.”
But had it been entirely his choice? Hadn’t someone guidedhis thinking to some degree?
You can’t understand love at your age, Jasper. I’m notsaying what you’re feeling isn’t real, but your body is going through so manychanges, and you have so much life ahead of you. I’d hate for you to throw itall away over an innocent but ultimately childish infatuation.His mother hadsmiled at him.In fact when I was your age there was a boy…
Thomas gently patted Jasper’s arm. “We want the best for thepeople in our lives; it’s only natural. But in the end they make their ownchoices. You following the path to your destiny can’t prevent someone fromfinding their own. If you feel bad now about not telling this person about yourchoice to join the priesthood, talk to him about it. Explain your reasons. Butunderstand that this might do no good apart from giving you closure. It wouldbe for your peace of mind, which isn’t a bad thing.”
“So you’re saying it’s a selfish notion, to want to be ridof this guilt I’m feeling.”
