Page 38 of Vespertine
It might be part of God’s plan, or it might not, but if hecould somehow ease past hurts with Nicky so they could both move on as friends,then he would. It was his duty.
When he found himself for the second time in as many daysfacing his reflection in the Blumfeld front door, Jasper had to stamp on hisnerves. Mrs. B’s shape filled the doorway as she rushed to open it.
“Oh, Jazz, I’m glad you’re here.” She took him in and gavehim a little surprised once-over. “Adrian and Nicky are in the backyard aboutto take one of the big support beams out of the steps. I’m afraid Adrian’sabout to hurt his back again. Would you mind helping?”
“Of course,” Jasper said, and he followed Mrs. B as shehurried through the house. “I um, was going to bring a bottle of wine, but thenI thought—”
“No, it’s fine,” she quickly said. “I’m glad you didn’t.Just your company is more than enough. Adrian!” she called from the patio. “Adrian,put that down. Jasper is here, and he’ll help Nicky.”
Jasper watched as Nicky straightened, facing Little Bay. Ittook him a second to turn around and Jasper wondered if he’d been obsessivelygoing over their morning in the confessional too. Did he regret being sovulnerable with Jasper? Had it made any difference at all? What if he’d spentthe day with Jimmy? The idea made Jasper’s stomach twist.
“You sure you’re up for this, Father?” Adrian yelled with abig grin on his face, oblivious to the tension that rippled from his son. “You’renot too holy for menial labor these days?”
Nicky snorted and averted his face again, and Jasper smiledat Adrian. He unbuttoned his sleeves and began to roll them up. “I don’t mindcoming down to the level of you mere humans every once in a while.”
“Good man,” Adrian said, clapping Jasper on the shoulder ashe handed over his heavy-duty gloves. “I’ll be inside with Miriam and we’ll getyou boys a drink.” He made a face like he’d let something slip. “Of lemonade,”he added, and Jasper watched Nicky roll his eyes.
“We’ll be right there,” Jasper said. Mrs. Blumfeld andAdrian went inside, and he turned to Nicky. “So where are we going with thisthing?”
Nicky looked at him, squinting against the sunlight behindJasper as he pulled off one glove. “You sure you can bend over in those jeans?”
“They’re fine.”
“They look like they’ll split down the middle.”
“They’re not that tight. I’ll be fine.” Jasper fought theurge to tug his shirt down. He’d chosen to wear the jeans, and he’d have tolive with Nicky’s taunting. Fit punishment for his vanity.
Nicky was wearing a white long-sleeved T-shirt that had seenbetter days and the front of it had gone translucent with sweat. Jasper couldsee the outline of his chest hair and on his left pec a vague shape underneathit. At first he thought it was a faded design on the shirt, until he realizedit was the shape of a tattoo. He wondered how many more of those were hidingall over Nicky’s body.
Nicky pressed the back of his hand against his mouth andwiped at the sheen of sweat there. “You know, I didn’t think you’d really showup for dinner.” He gestured toward the halfway broken-down stairs. “Never mindhelp with this.”
Jasper frowned at him. He had a streak of dirt on his rightcheek and his face was a little red, as if he’d been exposed to the sun for toolong after not being used to it anymore. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I figured you’d be, I don’t know. Uncomfortable.”
Jasper kept trying to catch Nicky’s gaze, but apparentlyinteresting things were happening in the grass at his feet.
“Areyouuncomfortable?”
A hot breath hissed between Nicky’s teeth, and he whispered,“JesusChrist.”
Jasper’s eyebrows flew up. “I’ll take that as a yes then.”
Nicky’s head snapped up and his eyes blazed along with hischeeks. “Yes. Okay? Yes, I’m uncomfortable. I don’t spill my guts like that. Idon’t even have feelings like that. I numb them out.”
“Not anymore.”
“Everything feels so overwhelming and raw. It’s hard to lookat you.”
“What’s said in the confession is between you and God,Nicky. I’m not going to bring it up in the daylight unless you want to talkabout it. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed. You can lean on me. I’ll help you inany way I can.”
“Father Jazz.” Nicky huffed a laugh but it sounded strained.“Patron saint of do-gooders everywhere.”
Jasper gritted his teeth. “Look, I understand you’re feelingawkward right now. It wouldn’t be the first time people who have confessedcertain things to me suddenly cross the street when they see me coming. Or whatdo I know? Maybe you’re angry at me still. And I’m sorry for that. I will tellyou right now and I should’ve said it sooner: I made a mistake back then in nottelling you I was thinking of joining the priesthood. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’msorry you feel this way.” Jasper smiled a little to take the sting out of hiswords. “But right now I’m the only thing standing between you having to pick upthis beam by yourself.”
The blue in Nicky’s eyes was unlike any color Jasper hadever seen anywhere else. When the craze around Vespertine had first started,Jasper had followed it a little bit online, and back then he could sympathizewith every fan and reporter that talked about the unreal experience of reallybeing under the spell of Nico Blue’s gaze.
Right now he wished that gaze was pointed just aboutanywhere but at him.
