Page 6 of Vespertine
“You know, one of the kids who used to live at the centerorganizes a soccer class for kids on Sundays. He’s always looking for someoneto help him out. Would you like me to give him a call? It’d beat sitting in ahotel room by yourself all afternoon.”
Lizzie bit her lip and he thought she was going to refuse,but she surprised him. Straightening her shoulders, she said, “Sure. Yeah, thatsounds like a good idea.”
“All right.” Jasper smiled at her. “You can wait here in thechurch if you want, or I can have Lucas pick you up at the hotel.”
“At the hotel, please,” she said, and Jasper’s hearttwisted. He didn’t want to draw conclusions without hearing her full story fromthe social worker first, but she’d obviously had a stable home at some pointwhere she’d learned to be polite and sociable.
“I’ll send him over. Mrs. Blair knows Lucas, so she can callyour room when he’s there, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks, um, Father Jasper. For…everything.”
She turned and walked away and he watched her go. He didn’twant to linger on the thought of parents showing their children the doorbecause they didn’t fit in the box they’d probably designed before the kidswere even born, but it was difficult.
She’s here,andshe’s safe. That’s all that matters.Even though the road that hadbrought her here hadn’t been an easy one.
Jasper looked down the nave of the church toward the altarand tried to find the peace he’d felt earlier. He’d take care of the remainingbusiness here and then he’d stop by Blue Oasis before he went home. The kidswould likely all be outside, and if they weren’t he’d lure them out with thepromise of barbecue and football.
The Blue Oasis youth group was set up in the old schoolbuilding that belonged to the Catholic Church, and the huge, walled-inplayground was perfect for a game on a day like this. Jasper smiled to himselfand made his way down the nave toward the altar when he noticed someone sittingin the middle of the pews. He slowed his stride and his heartbeat sped up.
An interesting summer. He heardAndrew’s prediction from three weeks ago echo in his mind. Jasper looked aroundbut there was no one else left in the church. He had trouble controlling hisbreathing as he neared the pew with the stranger. Before Jasper could take acloser look the man rose to his feet, hands stuffed in his pockets, anddisappeared into one of the old, dark wooden confessionals.
Jasper’s heart thumped. The man’s posture seemed familiar.The slight hunch in the shoulders and the rolling gait. They reminded him of alanky kid who’d once been closer than a brother to him. But that kid was nowNico Blue, famous rock star who, according to gossip, could bring people to theirknees with a gut-wrenching guitar riff.
At least that’s what they used to say. Jasper had carefullymade himself stop listening to gossip and stop looking for news on Nicky, andover the years he’d mostly managed to lose track.
Nicky’s parents were Jewish, but Jasper ran into Mrs.Blumfeld every once in a while if they happened to volunteer at the soupkitchen at the same time. Last week she’d mentioned with her usual pride thatNicky was touring somewhere down South. It was impossible that the man with theshaggy dark hair was Nicky.
A familiar melancholy swelled in him, and he closed his eyesto breathe through it and let it go. Carefully, he brought himself back to thepresent moment before he stepped into the confessional. He settled and let thepeace of the Lord fill him before he opened the sliding screen.
“Good morning,” he said softly, and brought his hand to hisforehead. “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,amen.”
Beside him the stranger shifted and Jasper waited. He caughta woody, resinous scent that brought back memories of dark, long-forgottennights on the island. His mind hadn’t played these kinds of cruel tricks on himin a long time, and his skin prickled with sweat. He tried to clear his headagain.
The silence stretched on and Jasper’s heart fluttered in hischest as if this was his first confession and not one of thousands. He closedhis eyes, unsettled, and grasped for peace of mind so he could grant thisreticent stranger absolution in God’s name.
“Is this your first confession?”
There was no answer.
“I promise you don’t need to be ashamed or to feel shy.Through me God hears all penance.” Mainly for sins that were mundane andunimportant in the grand scheme of things. He’d learned over the years thatwhile he could offer God’s forgiveness, what people looked for was permissionto forgive themselves. “But we can pray silently if you’d like. God is herewith us and He is patient.”
Jasper’s words went unanswered and so he sought the Lord’shelp, praying as he waited, seeking the serenity he’d felt before he saw theman enter the confessional. He’d almost found what he was looking for when theman spoke, and Jasper’s eyes flew open.
“Bless me, Father,” Nicky said. “For I have sinnedso much.”
The silence from the other side of the booth wasn’tgratifying at all. Nicky almost wished he hadn’t spoken so he could continue tosit and listen to Jazz’s even breathing through the partition. He closed hiseyes and swallowed the tension in his throat down before speaking again.
“Well, Father, it’s been a really fucking long time since mylast confession.” Nicky touched the lip of the screened window between them. Hecould see the vague shape of Jazz through the lattice. His golden-brown hairglowed even in the shadows of the confessional, but Nicky was barely able todiscern the handsome lines of Jazz’s nose and chin, the length of his neck. Heached for more, wanting to see him up close, to find the differences betweenthis untouchable man and the boy whose entire body he’d once kissed. “I’mmaking a new start and I thought the best way to do that would be to offloadall thissin.”
Jazz’s voice was tight and gruff as he spoke the traditionalwords, “May the Lord be in your heart and help you to confess your sins withtrue sorrow.”
After Nicky had left the detox clinic, sober and on a newprescription drug regimen to help him stay that way, the only place he’d wantedto be was home. But he’d needed to do this first. The confessional was dark andintimate, a refuge from the church’s stained glass windows splitting the brightsunshine into a prismatic array of colors that spilled across the pews,alternating light and shadow. Nicky knew which he belonged in.
“Should I just start?”
“If you feel ready.”
“Is there a time limit on how far back I can go?”
