Page 62 of Vespertine
“I really didn’t mean to,” Jasper said sheepishly. “Listen,do you still like that drink, what’s it called? You used to love it when wewere kids. The lemonade and ice-tea mix.”
“Arnold Palmer? Yeah, sure. I haven’t had that in ages.”
“I can do that. It’s not fresh like your mom’s but…” Jasperdove back into the fridge and came out with two bottles. “More lemonade thantea for you, right?”
“You remember.”
“Of course I do.” He reached for two large glasses and mixedtheir drinks while Nicky leaned against the counter, his long legs stretchedout before him. His dark shorts exposed knobby knees and scrawny white calvescovered in dark leg hair. The afternoon sunlight always fell through thekitchen window with abundance and it bounced off the back of Nicky’s head,giving his dark hair the shine of autumn leaves. The collar of his navy long-sleeveT-shirt had slipped a little to the side and Jasper caught a glimpse of brightblue ink on his pale skin.
“What’s that?”
“Hmm?” Nicky blinked like he’d been deep in thought andtouched the mark through his shirt. “Oh, more tattoos.”
“Looks like a pretty color.” What he could see of it lookedlike smudges of a watercolor painting, and he stood there dying of curiosity.But he wasn’t going to ask.
“Yeah. That’s one of my favorites actually.” Nicky rubbedthe tattoo through his shirt, his fingers catching on the fabric and stretchingit a little, exposing the line of his collarbone. Jasper averted his eyes.
“So how did it all begin? With the band, I mean.” Jasperhanded over a glass and went to lean beside Nicky. “The start of it must’vebeen an exciting time for you. Is it true you all met in a bar?”
Nicky grimaced then quickly took a drink. “Kind of. I wasjobless and homeless, living in a squat with a few other guys new to L.A.”
“What? Why?” Jasper nearly fumbled his drink. “I can’timagine Miriam and Adrian allowing that.”
“I wasn’t in touch with them at the time. I was a shitty sonback then. As soon as I turned eighteen, I took off, and for a long time, nomatter how shitty things got, I didn’t contact them. It was part pride and partthe attachment disorder and depression. It broke their hearts.”
“I’m sure it did.”
“Mom thought I was dead. Dad did too. I’m surprised you didn’thear about it.”
“I didn’t talk to many people from Little Heights while Iwas away in seminary.”
Nicky looked ashamed, but he cleared his throat and went on.“Anyway, the rest of the story isn’t pretty either. When I was twenty-two, Iheard there was a job opening at this bar, so I went on down and the owner toldme he’d hire me if I’d blow him.”
Jasper stared at Nicky, his eyes going dry. “Did you…did youdo it?”
With a one-shoulder shrug, Nicky looked at his drink. “Isaid no, but on my way out, Chuckers started playing. That was Sez and Mickback when they played with a drummer named Shawn. Anyway, I tried to talk tothem during a break, but they blew me off. Chuckers was a nothing band on thescene in those days. No one had heard of them, but I was mesmerized by theirsound. After getting blown off by them a few more times, I found out the ownerof the bar handled his own bookings. So I told the guy he could fuck me if hemanaged to set up an audition with them for me. A few days later I got amessage to come back to his bar. Sez and Mick were there and I played for themand they saw what I had to offer them.” He smirked. “Which was, basically,nearly everything that got us a contract. Shitty though that contract is. So Iwouldn’t call the start all that exciting, really. But it got exciting afterthat.”
Some of the nausea from earlier began to return and Jasper’smouth felt sticky from the lemonade. He set the drink down on the counterbehind him. “Did you follow through? On letting the bar owner…?”
For a long moment Nicky said nothing, until Jasper met hisgaze. “Yeah. Not the first or last time I let someone fuck me in this business.Like drugs, it’s part of the power plays and the deal mongering.”
Goosebumps broke out all over Jasper’s skin. Images of aseventeen-year-old Nicky with porcelain-fragile skin and a gorgeously freckledface rose to the surface. How he’d so beautifully lifted his head to kissJasper, petal-mouth opening like a flower blooming for the sun. He couldn’tstand the thought of Nicky only a few years later in some dingy back room witha power hungry old man just wanting him for— “Do you regret any of it?”
“Whoa. Don’t hold back with the soul searching,Father.”
Jasper gently touched Nicky’s sleeve because he couldn’tstand not to. “You don’t have to answer. I’m trying to understand.”
Nicky blew out a breath that puffed up his cheeks. “Some ofit. A lot of it, in a general sort of sense. It’s not like certain traumaticevents stand out and give me nightmares, but hey there’s always tomorrow,right? Besides, what do you care?”
“After the glory hath He sent me unto the nations whichspoiled you: for He that toucheth you toucheth the apple of His eye.”
Nicky stared at him. “I don’t think I’ve heard that onebefore.”
“It’s not a very well-known one. What I meant—”
“I think I know.” Nicky held on to his glass with bothhands. “The rock and roll world…it’s not a good business, Jazz.”
“No.” Jasper grabbed another glass and poured himself somewater. “No, it really isn’t.”
