Page 82 of Vespertine
Jazz’s long golden eyelashes framed his eyes, brows low withworry, and his plush mouth was open. A tingle went up Nicky’s back and his cockstirred. If Nicky leaned forward… “Let’s go down to the dock. I need some freshair.”
Jasper cleared his throat. “You can never go wrong withfresh air,” he agreed.
Jasper startled awake at four thirty in the morning, awhole hour before his alarm was supposed to go off. Although he slept underonly a light duvet, his cotton pajamas stuck to his skin and his hair clung tohis temple. Throwing the covers back, he shoved his hair out of the way andtouched his forehead. While it was damp, he didn’t feel particularly feverish.With no other intention than getting a glass of water, Jasper swung his legsover the side of the bed. It was a lot higher than his own bed and it took hima moment to find the light switch for the small bedside lamp.
At first he thought the white and blue stripes on his pajamapants had darkened with sweat, but then he realized that wasn’t it at all.
“Oh!” Jasper scrambled off the Blumfelds’ spare bed. Theimages of his dream came flooding back and his spent cock gave a weak twitch. “Ohno.”
Moving jerkily, he yanked off his shirt, then the pants andhis underwear. The smell of semen hit him like a visceral punch and Jaspergroped for the nightstand when his knees almost gave out. He lunged for thebathroom attached to his bedroom and nearly hyperventilated when he flicked thelight switch on.
The cold of the shower was welcome and he didn’t botheradjusting the temperature. A penance he deserved. Fingers shaking, he grabbedthe loofah he’d brought with him and scrubbed his skin as he felt his faceflush hot.
“Be merciful to me, O God, because of Your constant love.” Theskin on his arms turned red under the assault. “Because of Your great mercywipe away my sins.” He rubbed at his thighs. “Wash away all my evil and make meclean from my sin. I recognize my faults.” He poured too much body wash on theloofah and the shower stall filled with the scent of sandalwood and citrus.
Jasper couldn’t allow himself to think or linger on thethings he’d dreamed about. The sweaty-hot touch of skin on skin was seared intohis mind, and he wiped at his groin with trembling fingers, letting the waterand soap wash away the strings of semen that clung to his pubic hair.
“I am always conscious of my sins.” His teeth began tochatter in the onslaught of cold water. He tilted his face and let theneedle-like stream punish him. “I have sinned against You—only against You—anddone what You consider evil. So You are right in judging me; You are justifiedin condemning me. I have been evil from the day I was born; from the time I wasconceived, I have been sinful.”Mea culpa, mea culpa, meamaxima culpa.Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobispeccatoribus, nunc et in hora mortis nostrae. Amen.
With a loud gasp he turned off the water and stood,breathing hard as he leaned against the wall. His face felt hot and flushedcompared to the rest of his body. Inside him an emptiness crawled up his belly.He watched his fingers tremble against the tiles. They were pale and numb withcold.
Everything had seemed so easy a week ago.
Streams of soap ran down his body, and as he looked down helaughed hoarsely. “You’re ridiculous,” he said to himself. “You had a wetdream, so what?” Shivering harder he turned the water back on but let it runhot this time. It’d been a while since something like this had happened, but itwasn’t the first time. Having Nicky near brought back old memories his tiredmind tried to process in his sleep. He had nothing to feel guilty about.
And yet that was the one feeling he couldn’t shake. Alongwith the darn erection, apparently.
He was drying his hair when he stepped back into theBlumfelds’ guest bedroom and froze when he heard a noise by the door. Nickyknocked, hard, like it wasn’t the first time.
“Jazz, what the hell is going on? Are you all right? If youdon’t answer right this second, I’m coming in.”
“No!” Jasper dropped the towel for his hair and clutched theone around his waist. To his mortification the tent in the towel hadn’t abateda bit.
“Are you sick? Why are you taking a shower at four in themorning?”
Jasper tried to control his breathing, to apply every singlemeditation and yoga practice geared toward relaxation, and still his erectionwouldn’t go down.
He leaned his forehead against the door. “No, I’m fine,seriously.”
Silence followed and Jasper only knew Nicky was still therefrom the shadow that fell underneath the door, along with the hallway light.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jasper added helplessly.
“You do realize,” Nicky said after a while, “that makes mewant to come in even more, right?” Nicky’s voice was still worried but a littlewheedling when he added, “I’ve spilled a lot of my dark and sinful past to you,Jazz. You can talk to me too, you know.”
Jasper exhaled a shuddery breath. Nicky was right. Afriendship could never function if it remained one-sided. Butof all the things.
“Jazz? You okay?”
“Yes. No. I’m…I don’t know.”
He heard the rustle of fabric and he wondered what Nicky waswearing. Just boxer shorts? Or did he cover up his tattoos even when alone inbed? Jasper closed his eyes and breathed.
“Come on,” Nicky said softly. “Talk to me, Jazz.”
“Nicky, it’s…” He covered his eyes. “We’re friends, right? Ican talk to you about this? I don’t know who else—”
“Of course you can. What’s going on? You’re freaking me out,man.”
