Page 37 of Punching the V-Card
“Two years in middle school band doesn’t mean—”
She shushed him. “It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I knew the whole time that Carl was the only one who was going to do those things. I just went along with it because it made him happy. But you? Do you really think you can live at his level. Honestly? Because you’re putting your entire future on the line here betting that you can.”
“Why couldn’t I?”
“You’re Devon Waters, and that’s a pretty great guy to be. I love Devon Waters; most people would. But Carl’s special in a way that you and I will never be.”
Devon blinked at the sky. Rain was coming in again. The clouds were thick and dark. His stomach twisted weirdly. “Carl thinks I’m special too.”
“I know this is crass, but it has to be said: Carl thinks you make him come his brains out. He’s in your thrall right now, and I get it. What you’ve shared has been sweet and a dream come true for him. But other guys could do that for him too.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“He’s just lost his virginity to you, of course he doesn’t want this to end. But, Devon, let’s be serious. What are you going to do for him out there?”
“I don’t get it. Are you saying he’ll meet other guys out there and lose interest in me?”
“Maybe. Or maybe he’ll be so worried about making things work with you that he won’t fly as high as he otherwise might. You don’t want to be the guy who brings him down or keeps him from reaching his potential. You don’t want him to reject amazing opportunities that might not include you.”
“You’re such a bitch,” Devon whispered, his throat tight. He felt guilty as soon as he said it.
“I know you think so now, but I just want the best for you and for Carl. This is hard to hear, but one day you’ll thank me for being so honest with you.”
“I won’t,” Devon said tightly. “Because I’m going with him. I’m sorry if you think that’s short-sighted. But I’m not sorry that I feel alive and want to see what the future holds, and that just being with him for a few days has opened new horizons for me. I’m not sorry about that. And I’m not sorry thatIhave the guts you didn’t have.”
Hope was silent for a long time. Devon held his tongue, too. His stomach was jumpy, and he felt weird.
“That’s all we have to say about this, then, I guess.” Hope’s voice was sad, and even though she’d been the one to say the most hurtful things, Devon felt guilty again.
Rain drops hit Devon’s head, and he lifted his face so that they splashed onto his cheeks, too. “I guess so.”
“See you soon, Devon. I love you.”
“I know you do.”
And he did know it, but it didn’t mean what Hope had told him didn’t hurt. He rubbed a hand over his chest and peered up at the gray sky.
Chapter Fourteen
“Hope says Ishouldn’t go with you,” Devon said as he and Carl made dinner.
They were both starting to feel up to another round, and the end of the weekend was staring them in the face. If they were really going to do this thing, then sometime this evening Devon had to go back to his college campus to prepare for the next week. After that, he’d need to finish his semester, arrange for a sabbatical, and do a bunch of other stuff, too, like buy stuff for California, and get his car fixed up. They’d be taking it instead of Carl’s stupid but cool Camaro.
“I know.”
“She thinks I’m being a dick-struck idiot.”
“She said that?”
“No. She said that we’re both getting carried away.”
“That sounds more like her.”
“She also says you’re special and the world is your oyster.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“She says I’m not special enough for you and, in the end, I’ll just drag you down.”
