Page 43 of Goldrage
She studies me for a moment, then her expression shifts to something more serious. “Well… about that night with Lady Harrow.”
My body tenses, bracing for the threat.
Olivia’s gaze drops to my cleavage, where the half-moon scar she left is tucked under the silk. “I’m really sorry.”
I gape at her.Sorry?
“I tried not to leave a mark,” she continues. “Did I?”
I fold my hands over the railing, unable to respond because I’m too stunned.
Olivia tips her head back to gaze at the full moon. “I’ve seen cruelty in the Consortium, but that night was particularly vile. Truthfully, I only went because I’d hoped Julian would be there. I had a few things I wanted to say to him. But… well, it’s not particularly easy to tell the leader’s mother ‘no.’ I didn’t have much choice about what happened. And, if I’m being honest, I took out some of my frustrations on you. I was blind with rage from something Julian did, and you were an easy target. I’m not proud of that moment, and I’m sorry. I only want you to know I have no grudge against you. My sister was into similar ‘entertainment’, but I’ve never cared for it. You didn’t deserve such treatment.”
I blink at the roses because I just don’t know what to say. Yes, that night was humiliating, but in comparison, I did something far worse. Olivia is apologizing for a three-second burn, something she was apparently pressured to do, while I killed her sister.
Olivia sips her drink and then tsks, like she’s chastising herself. “I should have done more. Maybe tried to get Lady Harrow interested in a different ‘game.’ But in this world, showing too much compassion is seen as weakness, and weakness…” She doesn’t finish, but she doesn’t need to.
Weakness gets you killed.
I killed Victoria because of her weakness towards me.She’d thought we were going to fool around and have sex. And I exploited that vulnerability.
Have I only become the monsters I’ve been chasing?
Olivia turns those intelligent dark eyes on me—God, they’re so much like Victoria’s I have to look away. “I know we don’t know each other well, but if you ever need someone to talk to… someone who understands what it’s like to navigate this world as a woman… I’m available.”
Tears prick my eyes. The kindness in her voice is devastating. Is this some elaborate game? But no. What I see in Olivia’s expression is achingly genuine. Herestands a woman offering real human connection, and I have her name on my hit list, simply because of association. I had been ready to end her life for the crime of existing in the wrong family.
Just like I did to her sister.
“That’s… kind of you,” I manage, my throat so tight the words barely escape. “I… Um…” I dip my chin. “Thanks.”
She smiles, and it transforms her face. I see past the burdens of this world, past the horrors I’m sure she’s witnessed over the years, and I see someone younger, more vulnerable, more human. “My sister always said the Consortium was full of sharks,” she says, “but that didn’t mean we couldn’t form our own schools of fish for protection.” Wistfulness softens her features. “It’s a bit of a simplistic analogy, but I miss her wisdom so much.”
The blade of guilt twists deeper, finding new places to cut. I bite the inside of my cheek hard enough to taste blood, using the pain to keep myself anchored. I’m on the verge of confessing what I’ve done just to relieve the regret, but I know that would compromise Adrian’s plan.
And Olivia might go after her own revenge. It’s not like I wouldn’t deserve it.
“She was complicated,” Olivia continues, lost in memory now. “The Consortium demanded certain behaviors and compromises. But underneath all that, Victoria had a good heart. She protected people when she could, even if the world never saw it.” She turns to face me fully, and I see the grief she carries in the fine lines around her eyes. “You two were sort of friends, right? I think she liked you.”
Friends.
I close my eyes and hold my stomach.Oh God…
I see Victoria sprawled on that floor, flames consuming her while I watched. Her final moments were spent in agony because I’d decided she deserved to suffer.
Can’t breathe.
“I should get back inside,” I say, the words tumbling out in a desperate rush. If I stay here for another moment, I’ll shatter completely. “Thank you for… for being so kind.”
I flee into the ballroom, hiding myself in the crowd. How could I tell that grieving sister that I murdered Victoria in cold blood? Not for justice, but for a vengeance so twisted it had nothing to do with the woman Victoria actually was?
I’ve become the monster I set out to destroy. I wanted justice for my mother. But somewhere along the way, I started creating more innocents to mourn, more sisters to grieve, more daughters lost to senseless violence.
The weight of my crimes has never felt heavier. For the first time, I truly understand that my quest for revenge hasn’t made me righteous.
It’s made me one of them.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
