Page 85 of Goldrage
Adrian settles into the chair across from me, and for amoment we’re just two men in a room full of dead things.
Hell, maybe it’s always been this way; we’ve been drowning in death our entire lives.
“It hasn’t been a lie because of Valentine,” he starts slowly. “I’m not trying to defend the man because he’s done his share of evil, but imagine what would’ve happened if Lucian found out.” His hands rest on his knees, completely still; Adrian never fidgets, never shows nerves. “He would’ve killed you. I hate that you didn’t grow up knowing your true father, but you knew Lucian well. Hewouldhave killed you. Then Valentine. Then Aurelia. I know this hurts, but I’m thankful Valentine didn’t reveal the truth while Lucian was alive. I’d be without you, and that’s something I never want.”
I scoff, but his words make sense. Logically, I know he’s right. Lucian would’ve painted the walls with my blood if he’d known I wasn’t his. But logic doesn’t stop the crushing weight in my chest, doesn’t erase twenty-eight years of believing I was never good enough for my own father.
My hands shake as I reach for the whiskey glass that isn’t there. I’m so used to having one within arm’s length that it takes me a second to remember I didn’t yet pour myself a drink. I drop my hands uselessly to my lap.
Adrian leans forward when I stay silent, his words coming faster now. “Lady Harrow has always been trying to separate us. You must see that now. I’m certain she never revealed your father because it would’ve ruined her schemes, and that’s the only reason. Not because she cared about your suffering, but because revealing thatyou’re not Harrow blood would’ve killed her ultimate plan for control.” His jaw tightens. “She wants control of the Consortium, but no one would ever recognize her as a leader, not with two heirs. For years, she’s been trying to drive a wedge between us.” He pats the center of his chest. “She shot me, Julian. Our mother put a bullet in my chest and left me to die because I threatened her plans for you. She wanted to secure your place as leader, and my gut is telling me that in a few year’s time, she’d kill you and seize control.”
I close my eyes. I’m too exhausted to even feel anything from his words. “You’re lying.”
“I’m not.” His voice doesn’t waver, doesn’t flinch. “Julian,listento me. You know that I’m not lying. She’s kept your father a secret all these years. She needed me gone so you could take power without interference. She knew I’d never let you become what she wanted you to be—a weapon, a monster, a carbon copy of Lucian. And once she’d bled you dry and transformed this organization into what she wanted, she’d have no use for you either.”
My fingers dig into the desk’s edge until I chip a nail. “She said… she said you and Aurelia had a plan. That you faked your death to?—”
“There was no plan. I’ve been trying to tell you this. Aurelia and I hadnoplan against you.” The gentleness in his voice makes it worse somehow. “The truth is, Aurelia loved you. All the years I was dating her, she was focused solely on you. And she wanted to be with you. When she thought I was dead… she was merely grieving and trying to make sense of what she saw. She walked in shortly after Lady Harrow shot me. She knew the truth and all she did was try to tell it to you. She thought I was dead for weeks and her only desire was your help with getting revenge on Lady Harrow for that injustice. When she found out I was alive, she risked everything to try to save me, just like I would have done for you. The both of us were simply surviving. This entire time I’ve been focused on breaking you free of Lady Harrow’s chains.”
The walls I’ve spent years building start to crack. My breathing goes shallow as I open my eyes and stare at the dead lion’s head on the wall.
“Aurelia loved you,” he says again. Past tense. The words hit like bullets. “Really loved you, not some fabricated emotion designed to manipulate. But Lady Harrow couldn’t allow that. She needed Aurelia to be the enemy, needed you to hate her so you’d choose power over love. So she manipulated Aurelia.”
“Stop,” I whisper.
But Adrian doesn’t stop. Refuses to stop. “Lady Harrow is the one who created a scheme to get Aurelia her mother’s diaries. She manipulated a distressed young woman, pushing her toward revenge because it would get rid of players Lady Harrow wanted out of the Consortium. She orchestrated everything, even your eventual betrayal of each other.”
Stop.
Stop.
I hang my head and press my palms against my eyes.
Fucking… stop…
My vision blurs around the edges. I’m drowning—lungs full of water, chest crushed under the weight ofevery lie I’ve swallowed, every truth I’ve rejected. My head moves side to side, but no words come out. What could I possibly say? That I rejected the only woman who ever truly loved me? That I let our mother turn me into exactly what she wanted?
I don’t want this to be real.
“And… I failed you.” Adrian’s voice cracks for the first time, and it’s that sound—my unbreakable brother finally breaking—that threatens to undo me completely. “I’ve been watching Lady Harrow poison you since we were children, and I didn’t do enough to stop it. I told myself that I needed patience, that someday we would both be free of her. I thought I was protecting you by teaching you to be controlled, to survive against Lucian, but all I did was make you easier for her to manipulate. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, brother.”
I glance up to find Adrian’s cheeks wet. This is only the second time I’ve ever seen him cry. First, when he thought Aurelia was dead. And now… for me?
“This is my fault.” His shoulders shake with the force of his grief. “I should have fought harder to keep you safe from her influence. I’m your big brother. Protecting you was supposed to be my job, and I failed. I failed. It’s my life’s biggest regret.”
The raw agony in his voice shatters something deep in my core, something I didn’t even know was still intact. My body moves on its own, and suddenly I’m around the desk, crashing into him. His arms come up instantly, crushing me against his chest like he’s shielding me from Lucian’s blow.
We hold each other like we’re both bleeding out, likepressure is the only thing keeping us alive. His tears soak through my shirt. Mine drip onto his shoulder. Years of poison and manipulation pour out of us in ugly, wrenching sobs that would make Lucian sneer if he could see us now.
But fuck him. He was never my father.
“I’m here now.” Adrian’s words vibrate against my neck. “I’m here, I promise. And I’m not leaving you again. We’ll escape this together—you, me, Aurelia. It doesn’t matter whose child she’s carrying. We’re family. We’re brothers. Nothing else matters.”
His hand cups the back of my head like he used to do when I was small, when nightmares would send me creeping to his room. When I still believed big brothers could fix anything.
For a heartbeat, I let myself imagine it. A house somewhere far from here. Mornings without blood on my hands. Adrian teaching me things that don’t involve hurting people. Aurelia’s laugh filling rooms with light instead of echoing in my nightmares. The baby—my baby—growing up without the Harrow curse hanging over its head. My child would love me with a pure innocence strong enough to beat back the darkness I let infect my heart.
I could learn to be human again.
