Page 18 of You Can Make Me
“You’re all in, huh? Three months, Dennis. You should have just admitted this was a dalliance. Then I wouldn’t have wasted my time.”
It had been totally out of left field. I could have been better about communicating with him, but I was going through some shit and I didn’t know how to tell anyone. I let it go too long, and he was so angry that night…
No way I was about to pour my guts out, only for him to stomp on them.
“I never thanked you because I wasn’t sure I wanted to be saved.”
My breath caught.
“I’m still not sure.”
“Cooper—”
“I’m hideous, Denny?—
“Coop—”
“And I’m a horrible person for caring about that, I know, but it doesn’t seem to matter. It’s all I can think about. And the pain? I can’t help it. Every day I wake up, I have to dig deep for reasons to get out of bed.”
“Baby, you’ve been through so much trauma, it’s not going to go away just like that, but that doesn’t mean it won’t get better. Your pain level, your mobility, they’re already better, and you’re improving every day. But I know what it’s like to want it now.”
He relaxed a little bit more and took in another breath with a hitch, like he hadn’t completely stopped crying. When he didn’t speak, I blurted out the words I should have said that night he showed up at my door.
“I had to have an angioplasty.”
Cooper stiffened in my arms. “What?Angioplasty? Oh my God, Denny! What happened?”
I shushed him and held him tighter as he fought to look at me.
“A week after Austin, I got a call from the wife of my best friend from boot camp. Robby Owens. He had a heart attack. Gone, just like that. My age. Carrie was in shock. They had little kids, how could this happen? He was in great shape. He ended up going fire instead of police, though, so not as smart as me.”
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, ignoring my attempt at humor. I could feel him looking at me, but I had to get it all out.
“It was a shock, and I didn’t deal with it very well. A group of guys I served with met up after the funeral and we drank an obscene amount of whiskey. We were all stunned. Then Carrie let us know that the doctors told her there’d been a link between the type of heart attack he’d had and some shit we’d been exposed to on one of our deployments. She was working with an attorney to make sure she got his benefits for the kids.
“I called the VA, got the runaround, and then they sent us all form letters two months after he passed, like, ‘Dear StaffSergeant so and so. Go get your shit checked out.’ I had a bunch of tests done and they found some issues with my heart. The doc said I needed to have the procedure or I’d end up like Robby, so I did it. Ended up off work for two weeks. Most I ever missed in my life.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Didn’t tell anyone.”
This time he did sit up, and I didn’t stop him.
“Dennis Hamilton, you had aheart procedureand you didn’t tellanyone? Not even work?”
“I had plenty of PTO.”
If Cooper could have shot fire out of his eyes, I’d be burnt to a crisp.
Four
Cooper
This infuriating man.
“Uh-huh, and your best friends? The men you’re attached to at the hip? They didn’t ask where you were for two whole weeks?”
He shrugged, looking a smidge castigated. “They knew about Robby. I told them I had shit to take care of.”
