Page 78 of You Can Make Me
“Don’t be,” I said with a humorless laugh. “Happens a lot. I’m like a pregnant woman or a pubescent girl. Side effect of my brain injury. That and headaches, though those are getting better.”
Dane poured the first pancakes out in perfect circles. The smell of vanilla instantly made my mouth water. “I don’t remember a lot. I remember the attack…at least, I did after Holland came to the carnival to confront me. But my memory was gone while I was there. It was like he unlocked it, kinda like a Pandora’s box? And after Ryan and Kal picked me up, bits and pieces kept spilling out. I had no control. Some of that shit I wished I could put back in the box.” He let out a breath then flipped the bacon. The sizzle made him jump.
“Did you want some help?”
“Nah, man, but thank you. You want some coffee?”
“Sure.” I was about to get up to get it, but he moved quicker than I could.
“Took me a while to figure out how to use all the gadgets out now. I ain’t ever used nothing but a Mr. Coffee, you know? All of a sudden there’s them pods, or fancy Frenchy pressure thingies. I don’t drink coffee myself, but I like to make it nice for Walter. Whatever makes him kinda relax, right? Let the tension out ’til you feel like butter? That’s the other reason I like to cook. Makes people feel good.”
“That’s wonderful. I bet he appreciates it. And here I am just a big ole diva with Denny. I don’t know why he puts up with me.”
“Because he loves you, Cooper. You know that.” He fixed those otherworldly eyes on me, and something loosened in my chest. I couldn’t pretend I had it all together with this man. He saw through me.
“I know he does. The circumstances… I wish we’d gotten back together under different terms, you know what I mean?”
Dane laughed and scooped the pancakes off one at a time and placed them on a plate. “You like bacon? I didn’t make eggs?—”
“This is wonderful, Dane. Thank you. Really.”
He chuckled and shook his head as he placed some bacon next to the pancakes and set the plate in front of me. He kepttalking as he brought me utensils, a napkin, syrup, and he pointed at a caddy with sweeteners for my coffee. He placed a tiny carafe of cream next to it and then went back to his pancakes.
“Walter was so confused when we found you. Denny lost his mind. And afterward? When Denny took you from the rehab place? Walter and Gene, they just kept wondering why. They’d be all, ‘How does he evenknowthis guy?’ Don’t get me wrong, Denny’s a good guy. He was real good about supporting Walter when he found me. But they wasallconfused about you two.” He laughed. “They knew Walter liked both guys and girls. But Denny…”
I rolled my eyes and laughed along with him. “Yeah. Denny. Wow. He didn’t know what hit him whenIhit on him.”
“Yeah, Walter said he was as straight as they come. How’d you guys happen, man?”
I raised an eyebrow and took a bite of bacon. “I saw him, I wanted him, I came on strong.” I shook my head. “He made me work for it. We met at Gene’s in-laws’, I offered to drive him home. He was thoroughly confused as well. You know how with some guys, you just know? If you?—”
“Drop breadcrumbs, and they come after you.”
I barked out a laugh and covered my mouth. “I’m going to wake poor Denny. Yes, yes, it was exactly like that. He wasn’t ready that night, but I gave him my card, and I thought…maybe?” I flicked my hair back. “It was the first time since college that I’d doubted my wiles.”
I sounded awful, but something about Dane made me feel so welcome, so…understood. Like a real friend. Other than Gene, who I never would have been friends with if it hadn’t been for Sam, I didn’t really have male friends. Other gays were jealous or thought I would take their men, and straight guys acted as if the gay would infect them just by being in my presence. I’dmistakenly thought that by coming out, I would find my people, but it was always women I was close with. This with Dane was…nice.
“So he came after you?”
“He reached out, texted me. I got brave and invited him to come see me in Las Vegas. I was so nervous. I’d won an award and had to give a speech. I knew he was a steady guy, man of his word and all that, but I still wasn’t sure he’d show up.” I sighed. “And he did. And it was everything I hoped for. We saw each other on long weekends over the next year and then… I was stupid. I thought he ghosted me, so I showed up at his house and threw a fit.”
“Ghosted?”
“Yeah, like, cut off all communication and disappeared. Like a ghost.”
Dane let out a big breath, like he’d been hit with a gut punch.
“What is it?”
He shuddered and went back to pancake making. He gestured to my food with his spatula. “That’s gonna get cold.”
“Sorry.” I took a bite of the pancakes, and they were decadent. He’d added vanilla, and they were thick and chewy, just how I liked them. He’d served real maple syrup, too.
“I did that to everyone in my old life. Tess, my mom. Everyone.”
“But you were attacked. That’s different. Your absence wasn’t voluntary.”
“Yeah. Just sad, though. They didn’t know that. I lost so much time. Lost Tess. When I came back, and Ryan was staying at her house? I think I knew. I could just tell when I walked in. That she was gone.”
