Page 58 of Damian & Jun: Episodes 1-4
“I’ve been Richard’s submissive since I was nineteen. I’m thirty-four. Fifteen years. I’m not caged, and I would never cage you.”
One tear fell over the edge of Jun’s eye and ran down his cheek. “What if I just fight you? What if I’m not submissive?”
“Then I guess you have a dominant boyfriend who adores you.”
“You barely know me.”
“I know.” Damian sighed, sitting back on his heels. “You want to know what I had planned, if all of this hadn’t happened, with Bak and BBB3?”
“Yes.”
Damian pressed his lips together. “I planned to study with Richard for a few more years, work on my finances so I could provide for you in whatever way you wanted. I’d keep coming to Korea and seeing you whenever you could see me. I’d be at your concerts. I’d keep watching you on social media.”
“Stalking much?” Jun huffed.
Damian risked a glance up, a half smile on his lips. “Just a little. You gave me permission, remember?”
Jun sniffed, but his lips curled at the corners, and his eyes crinkled on the edges.
“I was going to find out when your contract was up and research the laws, find out what you wanted after it was over. I knew you had been performing for nine years. You were either getting close to the end of a contract or in the middle of one, if you had a normal length written into it. Sometimes it seemed like you loved what you were doing, and sometimes it seemed like you wanted to get away from it all. I hadn’t deciphered what to offer. I thought of offering you and the rest of 5N your own label, so you could be free agents, or asking you to date me privately. I know some idols have entire secret families. If you needed me to move to Seoul, that was something I was ready to discuss with Richard. I’d have to travel a lot, but there’s nothing to say I couldn’t have a base here. In a few years, being an East Asian VP isn’t out of the question. I’m Richard’s primary Korean law specialist, after all.”
“And the submissiveness?”
“I—” Damian grimaced. “I never doubted that you were submissive, at least towards me. You…always were when we were together. It felt natural.”
“What do you mean?”
Damian mentally clocked who was within earshot, but there was no one. They were far enough off the beaten path, up on the bank, half surrounded by trees and other standing stones. And the hour was getting later and later. Somewhere overhead the crescent moon was dominant.
“You took comfort when I led. You looked to me to make decisions. I was able to get you to rest. You enjoyed when I played with you, and you liked losing.”
Jun bit his cheek, staring down at Damian until Damian became hyperaware of a small pebble under his knees in the grass and the wind drying the sweat on his back. Jun reached out, running his hands over Damian’s tightly clipped hair, playing with the tiny swirls.
He grimaced. “I don’t know what to trust right now. I don’t trust myself. And if I can’t trust myself, how can I decide to trust my decision to trust someone else?”
Damian’s chest twisted and ached. But he stayed kneeling, waiting, even though he was so cold now he wanted to shiver until his teeth clattered. Jun swallowed and wiped away two more silent tears. He sucked in air and kept speaking, looking away. “You’ve been everything and done everything you’ve promised. So I’m going to trust you. I’m going to trust that. I’ll even trust you to lead because, right now, I’m lost.”
Damian pushed up off the ground and wrapped both arms around his boy. “I’ve got you. I swear it.”
“Okay.” Jun’s arms came up and gripped Damian’s back. “You’re cold. Where’s your coat?”
“I left it behind so I could run faster.”
“You’re going to freeze.”
“Not before I call a car.” Damian pulled out his phone. That was about the only thing he hadn’t left behind with Gigi when Richard had called him and told him Jun was running south away from the hotel.
Jun
Damian got them into the hotel through the back door via a phone call. There had been so many hotels in Jun’s life, it made zero sense that Damian’s suite felt like a strange new world. Maybe it was the small signs of Damian’s personal belongings that had almost never appeared in their stolen moments before. Or the signs of other people also being there who weren’t crew or his bandmates. Jun stood in the living room between the various doors and shifted his weight from one aching foot to the other. With time, the boots would break in, but for now, his feet were just sore from fighting the stiffness of the new soles. He pulled at his skirt. As good as it looked, it wasn’t who he knew himself as.
Damian pointed. “That’s Richard’s room. Then there’s Holden and Maleko’s room, and this”—he pointed to the left of the windows—“is mine. Ours, if you’re okay with that. If not, I’ll find you another room.”
“With you.” Jun nodded and pulled at his skirt again. Damian gave him a long look, then nodded, and held out his hand. Jun took it and Damian pulled him in, pressing Jun against his belly and hugging him. He’d been doing that every few minutes since they got into the car and left the river.
Jun hugged him back, then sniffed. “I need water.”
“Do you need food?”
