Page 86 of Shattered Secrets
Could it be that she found out about the ring? But how? And why does she look angry? “I wanted us to celebrate the good news.” I point to the bottle of champagne waiting in an ice bucket in the living room.And also our engagement.
“So, everything is normal?”
“Yes,” I say, not sure what she expects to hear from me.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m going to sleep in the apartment downstairs. Call me when you decide to tell the truth.” She collects her bag and keys and turns to leave. I hurry to catch her.
“Don’t walk out on me. Explain to me what’s happened. How can I respond if I don’t know what the hell is wrong?”
She breaks free from my grip and narrows her eyes. “You’re so unwilling to tell me about it you don’t even understand what I’m talking about?” She tilts her head, waiting for an answer from me, but I still don’t understand. “A blonde named Lena Castle came to visit me today. Ring a bell?”
Fucking Lena. I will kill that woman. How did she get to Ayala?
“What did she tell you? Whatever it is, it’s all lies.”
“She said she’s pregnant, and it’s from you.”
“I don’t know if she’s pregnant, but it can’t be from me. She’s trying to dump it on me. She has all kinds of false hopes. I threw her out.”
“But you slept with her?”
Is she going to make me say that? I nod reluctantly. “Once. After the party, when I was trying to prove to everyone and myself that I was fine and could live without you.”
“You also slept with me once without a condom, and I got pregnant.”
“I used a condom with her.” And I didn’t come either, but I don’t tell her that.
“You forgot it with me. Maybe it happened to you with her too?”
“No. There was a condom, and she’s not pregnant by me.”
“And what if she is? What if the condom broke and you didn’t notice? She’ll give you the child you want.” Ayala’s voice is quiet now.
“I want nothing from her except for her to stay away from me!”
“I don’t understand. You want children. Children, you won’t get from me. This is your chance.”
“I don’t want a child. Not just any child. I wantyourchild. Don’t you understand? You’re the one I want. If it can’t happen, then I’m okay with it. I still won’t want a child from someone other than you.”
“But you are going to have a child with her. Are you planning to deny the child?”
“No. If the child is mine, he or she will get everything they need from me, and I will be the child’s father. But I want nothing to do with her.”
Ayala lowers her head. “You meant to hide it from me.”
“No, I didn’t think there was anything to hide, and I still don’t. She’ll do a test, and if she’s even pregnant, the child won’t be mine, and the matter will be over. Why do you have to obsess over it before it’s necessary?”
“It doesn’t matter if it’s yours or not,” she cries. “The thing is, you didn’t mean to share this with me! You don’t see me as a partner. You don’t share with me what’s going on in your life.”
She storms toward the bedroom. “I need to be alone. I don’t want to stay here right now.”
Shit. When we moved to New York in a hurry, I forgot about the whole second apartment thing. I didn’t think she would ever ask to sleep away from me, and I didn’t prepare the apartment as I promised. “Don’t go,” I call, and she raises an eyebrow at me. “I’ll go. Stay.”
Please ask me to stay.I try to convey my thoughts to her as if she can hear them. But she says nothing as I collect my keys and coat and leave.
How can she think I don’t see her? I see only her. She floods my thoughts every day, all day. I want to share my life with her. I want to protect her and keep her safe. My hand touches the small box in my pocket. She must be mine.
I want to go out drinking with Ryan right now, but he’s consumed with Maya and the baby, and I don’t want to bother him. After a short deliberation with myself, I decide not to go to the pub alone either. Instead, I buy a bottle of whiskey and sit on a bench in Central Park, deliberately choosing a dark area so as not to attract attention. People pass by me. Some glance at the strange guy sitting on the bench at night in the middle of winter, and some hurry past, afraid to make eye contact.
