Page 101 of Exile
Two beds are on either side of the room, a window in the middle. The lack of bars is astonishing, and from here, we can see mountains.
At the end of each bed, there's a set of drawers for clothing, and an adjoining bathroom.
"We have communal showers which are open from 6.00 a.m. until 7.30 p.m. each day, but there's a sink and toilet inall the rooms. Though if you need a shower outside of those hours, just buzz us," Ris murmurs, hovering behind Jillian and I as we look around the spacious room. It's at least twice the size of our Lilydale cells.
"And what time do the doors open?" Jillian questions, and I bite back a smile knowing that she'll be able to let us out somehow if we need.
"5.30 a.m. We have some early morning programs for those early birds. But you're welcome to stay in your room for however long. The dining hall times are posted on the wall under the window along with the speaker."
I spot the intercom, and I'm genuinely lost for words.
"You guys are probably hungry now after a big morning. So, follow me and I'll show you the dining hall! And if we hurry, there might be some fluffy pancakes left."
Chapter 37
Avery
Despite laying on the most comfortable bed I've experienced in years, I don't sleep a wink.
Jillian woke a little after first morning light, the two of us heading to the dining hall for a quick breakfast and gathering snacks for the room. Yes, snacks.
The camp-style buffet was correctly described, the food outshining Lilydale's regular menu by far. Last night they offered Sloppy Joes, salad, baked vegetables, and some vegetarian alternatives—something that had plant protein and tofu. As wonderful and inclusive as it sounded, no one was going to stop me from diving face first into a Sloppy Joe. In hindsight, I should probably feel a little grateful that the guys weren't here to witness the massacre. I'm certain toddlers eat more dignified and graceful than I did last night.
In the dining hall, there's a long table that fills much of a side wall. Snacks are scattered throughout, housing everything from chocolates to potato chips, miniature bags of popcorn, Twinkies, pretzels and fresh fruit. I grabbed a few packets of jelly beans and M&Ms to take back to the room while Jillian opted for Reese's and potato chips.
Neither of us had any desire to check out the recreational rooms yet, not even after finding out there was a computer lab. I asked Jillian why she doesn't try to contact Byrone, but all she said was that it wouldn't work at the moment.
I tried not to let my disappointment show. Truthfully, I was hoping that if she could reach him, it would also give me a direct line to the guys. But short of using some type of messaging app, the chances of us being able to have everyone online at once was slim—that's if they even have access to computers. The guys could be anywhere. When we left Lilydale, they still hadn't been provided with details of their upcoming transfer, and as far as I knew, they hadn't been told where we were going either.
Do people still email? Maybe Jillian could do that if Byrone had an email address.
Except I have no damn email addresses to contact the guys. I imagine it would be something likelittlekiller69ortouch-me-and-diebut there was the possibility that the men didn't go somewhere as nice as Ridgeview Valley. Maybe they went to a prison or a stricter facility where they can't just roam freely and stuff themselves stupid with snacks.
The only way I could have potentially contacted them was the cells. But naturally, they were confiscated prior to our departure from Lilydale. So with each passing hour, I feel myself fading a little more.
What if I never see them again? What's going to happen to all of us?
From what we were told by Ris, this facility had to discharge some existing patients voluntarily to make room for us. They initially didn't have enough beds to accommodate all of us, but they managed to make room so that we wouldn't be split up among multiple facilities. And to lessen the burden on the social work team assigned to the Lilydale patients by the investigation agency, they decided it was just easier to separate us by men and women for now.
I understand the logic, I really do. But it still doesn't make it hurt any less.
By mid-afternoon, Jillian and I agree to go for a walk for the sake of our mental health. Even though she's not showing it, I know she's struggling just as much as I am. Everyone is.
We could take away all the fucked-up nonsense that happened and it would still be a challenge to adjust. We went from strict routines and being treated like a problem, to suddenly given the freedom to do what we want—well, almost.
Change is never easy at the best of times. This… this is torture.
Eventually, Jillian declares she's done peopling and heads back to our room. I choose to stay outside, distracting myself. It's all I have right now, especially when they haveaskedus to consider speaking to some of the in-house psychiatrists. I don't even know where to begin.
I explore some of the rec rooms and to my surprise, I run into Vivian, Siobhan and Eliana in a small reading room.Ignoring the stabbing feeling of library reminders, I invite myself in with their blessing.
The room is about a quarter of the size of the Lilydale library, and aside from the books scattered on the floor, there's no shelves. I can only assume there's another room with all the books and this is merely the reading space. Beanbags are spaced out in various bright colors, with motivational posters on the wall. I blink at one of a golden retriever, grinning with a ball in its mouth and the caption'Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Life's a ball!'
"Fuck me," I mumble, taking a seat on a bright lemon colored bag next to Vivian and Eliana. "The toxic positivity is practically dripping through the walls here."
Eliana laughs quietly. "It's humbling, that's for sure."
The four of us are in some lame attempt at a circle, and I take a second to scan all of them. We all wear the same exhausted expression, run down with misery that no one can shake off. It's sickening when you think about it.
