Page 102 of Exile
This place is everything we needed. Supportive, caring, freeing. Yet, it's nothing but a reminder of the hell we survived.
Survived physically, I mean. Because inside, I'm barely keeping it together.
Time will heal us, but the reality is we will always carry the scars. I hate that we've been bonded by trauma and have finally found something relatable to eachother—torture.
"They want us to be happy," Vivian points out. "It's killing me."
Siobhan nods. "These assholes have no idea. None."
"They really don't," I agree. "But at least they care, I guess."
"Do they?" Siobhan snorts. "Or is it just another trick to confuse us?"
I frown. Are we that messed up that we can't even let people care about us without questioning if there's an ulterior motive? I get it. Dr. Cromwell kept telling me the experimentation was for the greater good—to help people. People like Arthur Whittingham promised to save me… just for us to find out it was a lie.
No wonder we don't have the ability to see good anymore. Every single time we thought we found it, it turned out to be a fake fantasy. Or disguised while people used and hurt us.
"I think…" Vivian starts quietly. "They genuinely do care. But we're too broken to be fixed."
Flashbacks of her mental health following Sam's death swirl in my mind. She stares at me, as if knowing where my mind is at.
"I'm fine," she tells me. "Just over everything."
"I get it," I reply. "I really do. But you know what? They don't get to have that. We went through hell and those assholes don't deserve to still have a hold on us."
Vivian lifts an eyebrow in disbelief. "Easy for you to say, Avery. At least you have something to look forward to. I have no one."
"You have me," I shoot back. "And look, while I won't pretend that Sam was a good person, I know you were grieving. I know you probably went through shit before Lilydale and then you had to deal with that. Not to mention what they did to us downstairs."
The three of us shift awkwardly, clearly recalling their own experiences.
"Avery is right," Eliana murmurs softly. "We didn't deserve that. And maybe now's our chance for a new beginning. A do-over."
"Why bother?" Siobhan huffs, folding her arms. "All I've got left is a dead brother and a mind that drives me insane."
"You have the chance to tell them motherfuckers to go fuck themselves," I point out. "Don't let them win. We're worth more than that."
Vivian sighs, sliding back into her key lime beanbag. "I just hate how chirpy they all are. It was easier dealing with cranky bastards all the time. At least the food is better. Well…" she trails off, glancing at me knowingly.
"Tony's food was the fucking shit," I mumble, not wanting to dwell on the subject. Vivian was ejected from Cirque des Morts, and I don't blame her for any ill feelings of missing out on the food we got to indulge in. "At least they have snacks. And we can wear jeans."
I nod toward my denim shorts and oversized tee. Ris took us to the closet and let us pick up a few pieces each before showing us where the laundry was. We have to do our ownnaturally, but at least it's free and there's a range of clothing variety. I can't help but notice that none of the Lilydale patients opted for anything gray shaded.
Eliana is in bright pink and blue, while Vivian and Siobhan are wearing black shorts and shirts.
"We aren't stuck in the rooms," Vivian adds quietly, and I'm happy to hear some improvement in her tone.
"Who did you end up bunking with?" I ask everyone.
Siobhan points to Vivian, while Eliana mentions another Lilydale patient.
"She snores," Siobhan scoffs, eyeing Vivian.
"And you talk in your sleep," she shoots back. "Tough shit."
They glare at each other for a few seconds before breaking out in faint smiles, obviously just as happy not to be alone as I am.
"You know," Eliana starts. "I heard a rumor from my counselor. Apparently, they might end up reopening our cases."
