Page 48 of Follow the Rhythm
It would have been smarter to just leave, to let the past lie, but I had to know. “Why did you do it? I kept trying to figure out what I’d done wrong for you to just disappear like that, like you didn’t even care at all. Was I too clingy or something?”
Ellis ran his hand through his hair, his eyes pleading. “No, Jess. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was an idiot. I wanted to be some better version of myself, not the boy obsessed with his high school crush. I have no excuses.”
My stupid heart flopped in excitement. Hiscrush? Was that what I’d been?
“I know it’s about a decade too late, and I don’t deserve it, but I hope you’ll accept my apology,” he finished.
“You really hurt me,” I said after a moment.
“I know. If it’s any consolation, I hurt myself, too. I wanted to reach out so many times, tell you about the movie I was watching or get your opinion on a new album. But then it just felt too late.”
I looked away to escape his intense gaze. “You know, Sister Georgie would tell me it was my Catholic duty to forgive you.”
His voice was gentle. “You don’t have to forgive me yet, darling. I’ll keep making it up to you.”
“Also, I want to make something very clear.” I glared at him and pointed my finger at his face. “I did NOT get this job to follow you around or ‘trap’ you. In fact, I almost didn’t take it because it hurt so much to be around you.”
Ellis raised his hands in mock surrender. “I’m sorry for my suspicion. I thought the universe bringing you back into my life was just too good to be true.”
I rolled my eyes, but my heart flopped again. “Don’t try to flatter me, Fox.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it, Moretti,” he replied.
“So, how do you feel this morning? Raging hangover?”
“I feel horrible, as I’m sure you’ll be delighted to hear. But then, that’s how I feel most mornings, to be fair.”
“You should probably call Bea. I’m sure she’s worried about you.”
He scoffed. “I doubt it. She threw me out last night.”
“Of course she did. Remind me why you’re together when you seem to hate each other?”
Ellis took another sip of coffee. “It’s easy.”
“Easy?” From what I’d seen, their relationship was anything but.
“I know what to expect with her. Even when it’s chaotic. We have a predictable kind of chaos that comforts me in times of trouble.”
I studied him. “And you love her, right?”
Ellis met my eyes again. “Love has never been part of our equation. Bea knows that.”
“That’s kind of sad.”
“Please don’t pity me, darling. My ego can’t take it,” he said with that fake, ironic smile. It dropped quickly off his face. “I’m very sorry about Natalie, too. I had no idea she’d passed away.”
I swallowed my sip of coffee too fast, taken off guard by the subject change. “Oh. Yeah. Thanks. It was a while ago now.”
“That doesn’t make it easier.” He watched me carefully. “What happened?”
“Cancer. The same as Mom,” I said simply, ripping off the bandaid. “She hung on for a little while, but it was… It was better when she went.”
Tears stung my eyes. I’d thought about having this conversation with him before, in my darkest days in the hospital. In my fantasies, I’d imagined him comforting me like he had on the bad days when I didn’t want to get up or go to class. But I’d also imagined screaming at him, and him begging for my forgiveness.
“I’m so sorry, Jess. I should have been there to say goodbye. She was such an amazing person, and I know how much she meant to you,” he said.
The old anger and hurt bubbled up. How could he sit there and say sorry, like that would fix a goddamn thing? “Youmeant that much to me, too. At least my mom and aunt didn’t have a fucking choice. You justleftme.”
