Page 79 of Follow the Rhythm
“She’s in Fairview. She said she needed space.” I resigned myself to a long night; Claire would never give up until she had the whole story.
“Oh dear,” Claire murmured. “Tell me everything.”
I told them most of what had happened, leaving out only the graphic details. By the time I finished, the clock struck ten. Deb had made decaf espresso like she always did for late-night chats.
“You need to go back as soon as possible,” Claire said, thumping the table for emphasis. “Move back to London? She’s worried about being abandoned, and here you are, abandoning her!”
“Did you miss the part where she said she needed space? And I think she’s blocked my number.”
“You just need to prove yourself. Show her you’re serious.”
I suppressed a groan of frustration. “I have.”
“No, you’vetoldher you’re serious about her. Words mean nothing. You’ve got toshowher. For example, not running away to London the second things get hard,” Claire said, flicking me gently.
“She’s got a point there,” Deb said, nodding.
“How did you show Claire you were serious about her, then?” I couldn’t keep the defensive tone from my voice.
“Ah, well, for us it was different. The first time Don and I saw her, we just knew. Of course, we’d thought that plenty of times before, but Claire was special,” Deb said, misty-eyed. Claire was watching her with such love that it felt like I was intruding on something.
“We met at a matchmaking do, and Claire here was surrounded by Alphas. But we were patient. We waited until she’d shot them all down to make our move. I still remember the first words she said to us,” she said, looking at Claire with a soft smile. “‘Took you long enough,’ she said, like she’d been watching us too. We bonded within the month.”
I’d heard this story before, of course, and it had always seemed impossible that these women had been so sure, so quickly. But now, after meeting Jess, it made total sense. And that made me even more dejected.
I stood up. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you both in the morning.”
“Wait, dear.” Claire stood and laid her hand on my arm. “I’m sorry for pushing. I just don’t want you to throw away a shot at happiness.”
“I am not the one throwing anything away. I told her how I felt. She doesn’t reciprocate. That’s the end of it,” I said. A feeling of helplessness was churning in my gut. I couldn’t get Ellis to talk to me; Jess had pushed me away. Michael had left me, too. All the people I cared about seemed to want nothing to do with me.
Claire pulled me into another hug. After a moment, I hugged her back. “We love you, dear. You know that, don’t you?”
My throat tightened, and my eyes burned.
“Go on up to bed. We can talk more tomorrow. Things always seem better in the light of day,” she said, letting me go. Deb patted me on the back.
I walked up the creaky wooden staircase to the room on the third floor that they’d designated as mine. The window was cracked to let in a stream of cooler air. Faint music drifted in from somewhere outside. I listened for a moment and recognized the melody as Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata.”
“Fuck that.” I slammed the window shut. I’d rather sweat all night than listen to the musical echoes of my sadness.
Chapter 24 - Jess
Therapy sucked. I wasn’t sure how I’d forgotten just how much it sucked, but all the memories came roaring back after my first session with Dr. Williams. I hated confronting all the dark, shitty parts of myself. But I did it anyway.
“It’s understandable to want to protect yourself,” she’d said after I described the last time I saw Kieran. “But when you’re always on the defensive, everything looks like a threat, even when it's not.”
“So you think I made a mistake? That I should just jump in headfirst with some guy I barely know?” I asked defensively, which annoyed me even more because it proved her point.
“I’m not the arbiter of your choices. But I do think you should consider whether pushing everyone away is making you happier,” she replied patiently.
That wasn’t a hard question to answer. I was miserable.
Every day, I considered calling Kieran and apologizing. And every day I didn’t because what if hehadchanged his mind, and all of my worst fears were justified?
On top of that, I missed Charlie. His scent was finally fading from my nest, and it made me panicky to think that I’d never getit back. I wondered if he was already back in L.A., whether he was thinking of me. Whether he had resumed his Heatsync side gig. Whenever that thought popped up, I had to rage clean for a few minutes. My apartment was spotless.
Worst of all, I couldn’t stop thinking about Ellis. Yes, he was a jerk, and what he’d done had pissed me off, but I still cared about him. The day he’d held me in the hotel room, letting me cry, had felt like a new beginning, and I couldn’t reconcile that person with the one on the rooftop. I just wantedmyEllis back, even if he’d never been mine to begin with.
