Page 123 of Melt For Us, Daddy
“I did.” Groaning, Jacob let his head fall back against the couch. For a long while they sat in silence, until he couldn’t hold back the words bubbling in his chest any longer. “Do you ever feel like you don’t belong anywhere?”
“All the time. The club is probably the place I feel most accepted, but even here… Well. Suffice to say not everyone is pleased with my continued patronage.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It just means I understand. But tell me why you don’t feel like you belong here.”
What the hell. After the way he’d acted tonight, Cordelia and Ivy were never going to bring him back to the club. He’d be surprised if they even wanted anything to do with him. So it seemed unlikely he’d ever see Killian again.
“My family is… very religious. It was my choice to leave them, but if they ever find out about the things I’ve done with Cordelia and Ivy, the things I’ve let them do to me, they would never take me back even if I wanted them to. Which I don’t, but it hurts, you know? Knowing I don’t have a home anymore.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
The genuine sorrow in his voice eased some more of those jagged pieces inside Jacob, urging him on. “I thought I’d found a new home with Cordelia and Ivy. And I thought I’d made peace with the idea of being theirs, with… submitting to them. Even though it goes against everything I’ve been taught. But then we came to the club and all the men here are so dominant and in charge and it just seemed like proof that everything I’d been taught was right and wanting to be… the way I am with them is wrong.”
“Ah, that makes sense.”
“It does?”
“Of course it does. We could delve deep into the concept of confirmation bias and how easy it is to cherry-pick evidence to support what you already believe. But I’m afraid we don’t have that kind of time if I know Cordelia.” Killian chuckled, and Jacob couldn’t help but smile in response even though he knew he was in a whole heap of trouble once his women got a hold of him. “What I will say is, you obviously weren’t paying attention if you think every man in this club is a Dom.”
“Really?”
“Yes. When the dust has settled a bit, I’ll introduce you to my friend Shane. He’s a submissive here at the club and one of the best men I know. He moved away for a bit but showed up again while Cordelia and Ivy were on their… sabbatical. You’ll like him—he loves driving Cordelia batty so he can teach you all the buttons to push and he’ll be able to introduce you to some of the other male submissives he knows.”
“I’m not sure I should be pushing any of her buttons right now.” And the idea of meeting someone Cordelia had been with in any capacity had jealousy twisting in his gut.
“No, not right now. But after you’ve been properly punished for whatever it is you’ve done and everything has been set back to rights, there will be plenty of opportunities for you to rile her up.”
“I don’t know if I can make it right. I really messed up.”
“Son, take it from someone who has done worse things than you can possibly imagine. There is little in this world that is truly unforgivable.”
“My father would disagree. He would say I’ve damned myself to hell for the things I’ve done.”
Killian’s expression shifted again, and suddenly he looked older than he had before. As if the weight of the world had settled on his shoulders. “Maybe I’m not the right person to ask about God. But the way I see it, He’s far more nuanced than we could ever even begin to imagine. Religion tries to put Him in a box, make Him small enough for small minds to understand. You ask me, though? I don’t think He gives a fuck who we love or how we love them. As long as we aren’t actively harming anyone, I like to think He just wants us to be happy. I know that’s what I would want for my children, if I’m ever blessed enough to have them.”
“I guess I never thought of it that way. My own father isn’t exactly the forgiving type. Or the loving type.”
“Then that’s his loss. From where I’m sitting, he’s missing out.”
“You really don’t think it’s wrong for me to want this? You don’t think it makes me weak? Less of a man?”
“I think any man whose self-worth is tied to who he can bully and control is weak as fuck. Submission isn’t easy, Jacob, as you’re learning right now. It takes strength to give yourself over to someone, to let them take the reins. God knows I don’t have that kind of fortitude.”
Something inside him settled, like puzzle pieces sliding into place. “Thanks, Killian. This helped a lot.”
“Anytime, son. And I mean that. Braden has my number, I’ll let him know he’s free to give it to you if you’d like. If you ever need to talk or just want to grab a cup of coffee or something, I’m around.” Pushing to his feet, Killian sent him a wry smile. “Are you good if I go out there and let your women know they can come in?”
“Yeah. I’m good.”
“Best of luck to you, Jacob.”
“Thanks.” I’m gonna need it.
Chapter 41
Cordelia
