Page 24 of Melt For Us, Daddy
Without waiting to see if Ivy would obey, Cordelia turned on her heel and headed for their bedroom.
Letting out a shaky breath, Ivy walked slowly over to the couch, lowering herself onto her knees and clasping her arms behind her back.
And she waited.
With every passing second, a little more of the fear left her, replaced by the calm certainty that no matter what happened, no matter how bad this punishment was, she would be forgiven when it was all over. There was peace in that, in knowing that there was nothing she could do that couldn’t be forgiven.
Determined to prove she was still Cordelia’s good girl, no matter how angry she was, she didn’t look up when the bedroom door opened again. Or when Cordelia placed a short, thick strip of leather right in her line of vision.
Fuck.
“Eyes on me, Ivy Mae.”
At that soft command, she finally raised her head to meet her woman’s surprisingly tender gaze. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice thick with tears.
“I know you are, baby. I also know this is very much my fault.”
“That doesn’t excuse what I did.”
“No, it doesn’t. But it does provide some nuance, and I want you to know I’m not ignoring that. So here’s what’s going to happen. We are going to talk. You are free to yell, cry, whatever you need to do to feel better. You are not free to swear at me. You will show me the same respect you always have. Am I understood?”
Guilt joined the maelstrom of emotions churning in Ivy’s stomach. “Yes, Ma’am.”
“After our talk, you will decide if you need to be punished. If you say no, then we won’t speak of it again. You will have the same clean slate with me as always.”
“If I say yes?”
A hint of a smile played on Cordelia’s lips, though it didn’t touch the sadness in her eyes. “A spanking. A very painful one at that. And for the next week, you will ask my permission for everything. Even when you are at work. You will ask permission to eat, to use the bathroom, to go out with your friends. Every single move you make will be at my discretion. And why do you think that is, Ivy Mae?”
“Be-because I belong to you.”
Pride flashed in Cordelia’s eyes. “That’s exactly right, little girl. But first, we need to talk.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
With a soft sigh, Cordelia ran a hand over Ivy’s hair. “You were right. I lied to you. I broke your trust, and worse, I made you feel like I don’t trust you. But I promise you, baby, that has never been an issue.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me? Please, Dee, help me understand. I want us to be able to fix this but right now it just feels so… huge.”
“I know, baby. And I wish I had an easy answer that would make it all better. But I don’t. All I can say is that it was never about not trusting you or not wanting to tell you, specifically. I think…” Pressing her lips together, Cordelia shook her head. “No. I know I just wanted to leave it all behind me. Pretend it never happened. And I found the less I talked about it, the less… real it all seemed. Until it just became something like a bad dream.”
Understanding began to dawn, the light of it burning away some of the anger sitting heavy in her chest. “That’s why you panicked so badly when your mom came to visit us that first Christmas.”
“Partly, yes. That was the first time in nearly a decade I had to face the fact that it hadn’t been a dream. It was real and it happened to me and it was horrible. But then mom left and I wanted to tell you everything, I swear I did, but every day that went by without talking about it made it feel more and more like a dream again.”
“Oh, Dee. What about therapy? You said you were going, that you were talking about things with your therapist.”
“I was. But I think because it was so far removed from here, it was easier to compartmentalize, I guess? It could still be a bad dream because I never talked about it here. And some part of me hated the idea of bringing any of that home, letting it touch you, taint you. You’re like this bright light in my life, Ivy, and the thought of any part of that darkness touching you was just more than I could bear.”
“You were shielding me.” God, wasn’t that just like her woman? “Trying to protect me from the horror you went through.”
“I suppose I was.”
“Well, you need to stop,” Ivy snapped, and to Cordelia’s credit she didn’t even raise a brow at the sharp tone. “I’m not some fragile little flower who can’t handle the realities of the world, Cordelia. I don’t want to be protected. I don’t want to be shielded. I want to be with you, down in the darkness and the muck. If that’s where you came from, then that’s where I’ll be. Dragging you back up into the light with me if I have to. But from this point forward, you don’t hide things from me. I may be your submissive, but I won’t be kept in the dark anymore.”
“No. No more, baby. I promise. It—it may take me some time, to be able to tell you all of what happened to me. Especially the worst of it. But I promise I will tell you everything.”
She wanted to trust that. To trust her. But how could she?
