Page 93 of Melt For Us, Daddy
“Things like what, Jakey?” Ivy asked in that sweet, soothing way she had.
Still, he didn’t take his eyes off Cordelia, and her heart swelled with pride. “Feelings. Usually if I’m upset about something, I’m just sent to my room to pray about it. So I stopped even telling anyone when I was sad, since being alone in my room was worse than just hiding it from my family.”
In a second, Ivy was up out of her chair, sliding onto Jacob’s lap, her arms wrapped around his neck. “Poor baby. I’m so sorry, honey.”
Cordelia watched as he froze, like the proverbial deer in the headlights. But just for a moment before he pulled his hands away from the coffee mug to wrap his arms around her, surrendering himself to the comfort her babygirl offered.
All still without taking those gray, depthless eyes off her.
She had to swallow her own rising grief as she held his gaze. Because she knew all too well what he was talking about. Only for her, she’d also endured more than one whipping for daring to show her anger before being sent away to pray for forgiveness in the solitary confinement of her room. Those beatings had only gotten worse when she’d married the Prophet, so she’d learned to keep her emotions locked away, hidden until she had a safe space to let them loose.
Was that part of why she had such a hard time sharing those painful parts of her past with Ivy? Was part of her still that furious but terrified little girl, desperate to avoid yet another beating?
Something to unpack with her therapist when she returned to the city. And considering how much Jacob was bringing up, it would probably be a good idea for her to go back to weekly sessions instead of the monthly schedule they had now. They’d have to find him a therapist of his own to work with, and it would probably be a good idea for all three of them to do some sessions together.
God, she was going to need a second job just to pay for their therapy.
A problem for when they returned home. Until then, she had a battered boy with wounded eyes to worry about. The rest would have to wait.
“I’m sorry too,” she said, keeping their gazes locked so he could see the truth in her eyes. See it wasn’t just pretty words but a promise that he was safe with them. “But I hope you’ll learn to trust us enough to share your feelings instead of hiding them. I’m proud of you for telling us, Jacob.”
Again he lit up at her praise, and it was almost painful to see how happy it made him. “Thanks.”
“But now I’m going to need you to be brave a little bit longer and tell me what happened this morning. You seemed fine when you got up to wash the dishes and then suddenly you weren’t. Did we say something to upset you?”
“No, not at all. Just the opposite, actually.”
Ivy lifted her head, confusion twisting her delicate features. “You were upset because we… didn’t upset you?”
“Sort of.” He paused, and Cordelia swore she could see his brain working, trying to find the words to explain. “I was listening to you two talk and when Ivy gets all whiny like she was earlier she reminds me of my younger sisters. And it just hit me out of nowhere that they’re still stuck there, and I don’t know what’s happening to them, while I’m here with you two. And I’m so happy, it doesn't feel right. It doesn’t feel fair that I should get to enjoy life, that I should get to experience all the things I’m experiencing with you while they’re still trapped. Don’t you think that makes me a bad person? Or at the very least a bad brother?”
“Oh, Jakey.” Tightening her hold on his neck, Ivy pressed herself even closer to their boy. “No, of course not.”
Even with her comfort, however, his gaze remained locked on Cordelia’s, and in the gray she saw a plea she recognized all too well.
Tell me I’m not bad. Tell me I’m not wrong. Tell me I’m not… sinful.
“I understand why you feel that way,” she began slowly. Leaning forward, she reached for him, gripping his hand with hers so tightly her knuckles turned white. “I felt the same when I left. If I’m being honest, I still carry some of that guilt with me, wondering if I could have done more to save the people I left behind. But when I ran, I ran to save myself. You ran for your sisters. And that makes you the best man I know, Jacob Redding.”
“You really mean that?”
Her heart trembled, threatened to shatter at the hope in his voice. “Yes, baby. I mean it with everything I have in me. You are a good man, a good brother, a good person. And don’t you ever let those fuckers convince you otherwise. If you start to doubt what I’ve said, you come to me. And I’ll be all too happy to remind you that their opinion doesn’t mean a goddamn thing in this house. Understood?”
A ghost of a smile graced his lips. “Yes, Ma’am.”
Chapter 30
Jacob
“All right, so the other thing we need to discuss is… this.” Cordelia waved a hand between them, seemingly encompassing him and Ivy.
An invisible band tightened around his chest. “What about this?”
“Nothing bad, baby boy,” she assured him with a smile. “We just need to talk about what we all want from this relationship.”
“I want you. And Ivy.” It was that simple, even if his brain was trying to make it more complicated. “I-I know that’s probably wrong, but?—”
Holding up a hand, Cordelia cut off his spiral mid-sentence. “What did I tell you upstairs, Jacob?”
