Page 26 of Another Love, Another Time
My mom has asked me what I will do when he gets a girlfriend. She knows how I feel about Auggie, but she also thinks it’s good for neither one of us to get serious right now. She asked what I would do if one of Auggie’s girlfriends doesn’t like the fact that we talk daily.
Surely he wouldn’t choose them over me, right? How will I act if he brings a girlfriend to see me? We are supposed to head up to visit them in a few weeks. Will he bring her?
I look down again and see another picture of them together. This time, it feels like a knife twisting in my heart. My Auggie. He has her in a side hug, and he’s looking into the camera with a big smile plastered on his face. Amber is looking up at him, giddy. They seem like they are pretty cozy. She tagged him in her post, referring to Auggie as her “boyfriend.”
Ugh! Auggie has a girlfriend, and apparently, they kiss a lot. He hasn’t posted anything about her, and all the pictures are posted by her. I don’t blame her; I would definitely post that too.
She’s pretty. Amber has long, wavy, brown hair with highlights. She wears a lot of make-up but doesn’t look like a clown. I try not to compare myself to her, but it’s hard. I never wear a lot of makeup, only mascara and chapstick. Well, now I wish my mom had never let me have an account.
I clutch my hands to my aching chest and take a deep breath in hopes of easing it.
I hate that she’s been taking him away from our daily talks. It seems he’s been spending his rare free time with her. Why didn’t he tell me? I know this is what I wanted. I told him to date other girls, but I really didn’t think through the fact that I may have to see it.
I know this is the right thing for us now; it just really hurts. I guess I’m glad I know now, versus going up there and finding out. What do I do? He’s going to know I know about her when he sees my friend request. Do I bring it up, or do I let it go like it doesn’t bother me? We have kissed several times since the first time, and we have experimented with other things. He’s the only guy I have done anything with.
What is wrong with me? Who would encourage the boy she loves to go out with other girls? It would be pretty unfair of me to ask him not to date. I know he would if I asked him, but he should experience having a girlfriend. He should be able to see his girlfriend every day and get to do things with her regularly.
Auggie has discussed going to the same college together to play softball and baseball. I’m hoping that once he gets all these girls out of his system, we will be ready to be together.
We are supposed to go visit Auggie’s family in a few weeks, but if he is still going out with this girl, I don’t know if I should go. I really don’t want him to see how hurt I am. He’s not doing anything wrong.
I’ll find someone to spend the weekend with. I know I have no right to be mad at him. I know he loves me, but I’m hurt he is keeping things from me. Would he have ever told me? Ugh! I know I’m jealous. I have to get myself together. I have to go. IfI don’t, it will bring too much attention and cause awkwardness between us.
Maybe I’ll get a boyfriend. I’ve had a couple of boys ask me out, but I really don’t have any interest in them. There is one that I think is really cute. The next time he asks me out, I’ll say yes.
Looking back at the pictures of Auggie and his girlfriend, I decide to stop torturing myself. I find Logan’s account and send him a request. He has a few pictures of himself and Auggie playing baseball. He also has a few pictures of different girls that he has been tagged in. Logan is good-looking looking too. Obviously, I’m more attracted to Auggie, but Logan is the perfect package. One day, he’ll be the best guy for some lucky lady.
I text Auggie to let him know that I have Facebook now. Then, I threaten that if he doesn’t accept my friend request, he’ll be sorry. Logan has already accepted my friend request, so I’m sure Auggie has seen my request. I decide that I’m not going to say anything. Maybe it isn’t very serious.
I look again, and his relationship status still shows single. I don’t want to come off as mad or jealous. He can do whatever he wants. He’s my best friend. I don’t want to lose him for something so stupid.
~~
We’re almost to Auggie’s house. The closer we get, the more unsure I am about coming this weekend. I have never missed a weekend trip to Auggie’s house, and I shouldn’t start now. I’m not one to run away from things.
Auggie finally told me about his girlfriend, Amber. I’m sure the only reason he did was because I saw them together on Facebook. I didn’t really know what to say. All I could musterwas, “Hey, you did good. She’s pretty.” What I didn’t say was that I didn’t like her attitude. Maybe she’s different than when I met her. Maybe it’s not fair to judge her from one encounter. I really hope I don’t see her this weekend.
It’s just Mom and me for the weekend; Brock stayed at home with Dad, and Serena was staying with one of her friends. My mom said she needed some Connie time. I understood; I needed some Auggie time.
My mom looks over to me and says, “You seem quieter than usual. What’s up?”
I press my forehead to the passenger window. “Nothing. I’m just a little tired. I stayed up a little later than I usually do.” That’s a half-lie. I stayed up looking at Amber’s and Auggie’s profiles. Amber has posted more pictures of them together, more pictures of them holding hands and kissing.
My mom interrupts my thoughts, “This doesn’t have anything to do with Auggie having a girlfriend, does it?” She looks warily at me. She knows me well; I know better than to try to lie to her.
I sigh. “I don’t want to lie, Mom. It hurts. I know we, as in Auggie and me, talked about this. We decided we would only be friends, but it still hurts to see him kissing another girl.”
“I’m sure it hurts like hell. I know you love Auggie. Heck, Auggie knows you love him. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you both are still young. You will both make mistakes. What you and Auggie have is something special. You two will continue to grow and mature; you will continue to make mistakes. I would rather you do that as friends than as boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s easier said than done, but focus on being a good friend. Okay?”
“I know what you’re saying, and I know you’re right. I guess I just didn’t think it would be this hard. Can I tell you something, and you won’t say anything? I just need to say it out loud.”
“You know you can. There’s never, ever any judgment,” my mom responds.
“A part of me hoped that when Auggie and I agreed we both should have boyfriends and girlfriends, he wouldn’t get a girlfriend, that he would know with one hundred percent certainty that I was the girl for him. His having a girlfriend makes me doubt what we have. Does that make me sound stupid? I mean, I have kissed one boy other than Auggie, and the only reason I did it was because I had overheard Logan talking to Auggie about kissing someone from their school, and I was mad. I knew I had no right to be mad.”
My mom laughs. “Honey, that doesn’t make you sound stupid. Your feelings are your feelings. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about them. What I don’t want is you acting out or doing something in response to someone else’s actions. How did you feel after you kissed the boy?”
“Guilty.” I shrug.
