Page 93 of Another Love, Another Time
“Well, let’s not keep this witness waiting any longer.” She releases my hand and walks back into the house.
I look down at my phone to see if I have missed any messages. I have one from Melissa, but I hear the door open and see Baxter making his way over to me.
“Hey, man,” I greet.
“Do you have a minute? I wanted to talk to you alone.”
Dread boils in my stomach. “Sure.” I pocket my phone. I can respond to Melissa later. “What’s up?”
“I want to talk about River. I don’t know you, but I feel like I know you. River and I talk about everything, so please believe me when I say I know everything. I. Know. Everything. At leastfrom River’s viewpoint.” With his gaze on me, I feel like a mouse under an eagle’s shadow.
“Okay. So, what do you want to talk about?” I want to be respectful. This guy has been there for River and is an important part of her life.
“Please believe this is not coming from a place of jealousy but from a protectiveness I have for her. When I met River in basic training, you could tell that something had happened to her. It wasn’t just the black eyes and bruises. You could tell in her eyes that something had ruined her. She kept to herself and didn’t really make friends. In the Army, you need your family. You need people to watch your back.”
I brace myself for what he’s about to tell me.
“At first, I would try to get a rise out of her, but she wouldn’t bite. She was so closed off and just numb. She had no will to live. You could see she didn’t care whether she lived or died. When you have that attitude in the Army, no one wants to be your battle buddy. I saw her hurting, so I decided I would try to break down her walls. I knew she needed someone, and I decided that person would be me.
“Slowly, I grew on her. She finally opened up to me and told me what happened. You have no clue how badly that night affected her. As I’m sure you are aware, River puts on this shield of toughness. She is tough, after all. But she is also vulnerable.
“When she described that night, you want to know what brought her to tears? What caused her to have a panic attack? It wasn’t her attack; it was her describing you making out with her cousin.”
He holds up his head when I start to say something. “Look. I get it, man. You two were not together. She knows that, but she wasshattered. You were kissing someone who, from what she has told me, has always tried to get between the two of you. Someone she had warned you about.
“It took her a long ass time to get where she wouldn’t break down. She continued to lose weight during basic training. The drill sergeants threatened to send her home unless she started eating. That seemed to be what did the trick. She didn’t want to be sent home.
“She was getting better. I could see life come back into her eyes. She was letting me see the real River, but when her father died, it was like one step forward and two steps back. After she came back, it was worse than when I met her the first time.” He rubs his hands through his hair.
“She really needed you.” I can sense his frustration with me as he continues, “I had only met her family a few times at that point. I tried to be there for her as much as I could, but I was at another duty station and couldn’t travel a lot. I’m not you.
“When she saw you with her cousin at her dad’s funeral, it was like seeing you choosing her cousin over her all over again. You know she’s always felt second-best to her cousin? Between all the parents and you, how many times did you choose her cousin over her? Who were you there for when her father passed away?
“I don’t know your side. If I’m being honest, I don’t care. But fuck, man. You should have swallowed your pride. I don’t care if she left and cut off all contact. You should have tried to reach out. You should have tried harder. What she really needed was you.
“So, unless you are going to put her first no matter what, do not start anything. I don’t care if it’s just friendship or if you are shooting for a romantic relationship. I can’t see her like thatagain.” He sighs. “I don’t know if she would survive it again. I won’t sit back and watch her suffer. She deserves better than that.”
If Mackey didn’t get my head out of my ass, this conversation definitely has. I knew she was hurt by that night, but I never knew its full effects. I’m sure her parents didn’t know either.
God, I’m a piece of shit. He’s right; no matter what, I should have at least approached her and made her push me away, but instead, I let my fear of rejection get the best of me. Who knows? Maybe we could have patched things up before now if I had.
“You know, she moved here for you,” he goes on. “She was finally in a place where she felt strong enough, and I really think she realized it would always be you, which I’m sure is a certain level of torture after everything that you’ve put her through. I’m sure she told you she tried dating, but I could always tell she was never into any of them.
“With what I just witnessed when you first walked in, I know why. I’ve never seen her look at anyone the way she looks at you. I believe it was fate that you ended up as partners. I think it’s what's best because it forced her to face you.
“Regardless of how this turns out, I just need to know that when I leave, you will put her first. If you can’t, you need to walk away. She’s a lot stronger than she was then, but I have no doubt that another betrayal would break her completely. I don’t want to see that. She has overcome too many things to go backwards.
“She came here for you. She was still hurt, but she knew it was time to stop running from everything. She missed you. She missed her family, but she missed you the most. Even though she cut you out of her life, that distance allowed her to grow.”
I explain, “I promise I will put her first. I love her and plan on demonstrating that to her until she believes me. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. Well, I can.” It was prom before everything happened. And I know that I have made a mess of things, but I only plan on putting her first from now on.
“I hope so. Our girl deserves to be put first and nothing else. Please don’t hurt her. I don’t want to see her hurt.”
“I won’t,” I respond.
“Prove it.” He holds his hand out to shake.
I return the gesture as I say, “Plan to.”
