Page 61 of Damian & Jun, Episodes 9-12
Or had he?
Had he mistaken being forced away for actually sundering the ties, for killing all hope?
As all scorned children knew, there was always a final push, a last attempt for recognition, for belonging, to meet the need driven by the emptiness and fear inside.
Fuck. He thought he had been past this, had been done with them.
Damian put his head down on his arms, pulling in on himself.
All this time, he’d still been trying. Sending the money to Dalia, remembering birthdays and Christmas. He’d still been trying to be loved.
He needed air, space. He got up. “Toilet,” he whispered.
Inside the bathroom, he slid down the vanity door to the tile, knees to his chest, thumping his head against his knees. The voices of the others outside were just sounds and syllables on the other side of a hazy cloud. He’d thought he’d been over it. He’d told himself he was. There had been no attempt to meet, no requests for their love or recognition. All he’d left between them was the money he sent.
The money meant something, though. In his own way, in his own language, he’d still been trying. Still been protecting. Still been attempting to be good, to answer Dalia’s demands. Like a robot, he’d gone on trying even after she’d abandoned him.
He needed something, a poison strong enough to reach the root of their familial bonds and disintegrate them, something harsh enough to break his need for their love, something to kill the desire for Thaddeus’s and Dalia’s affection. What kind of a monster did it make him that he wanted love from monsters?
Deep down inside, thinking of Howser on the floor, zip-tied and crying, brought up accusations. Dalia was in his ear, cursing him, calling him names, and Thaddeus was looking at him with disappointment. He’d done something against them, again. It shouldn’t scare him, and yet it did.
Inside his mind, he walked down a dark tunnel, deep down inside of himself. It was a cave. It widened. There was water. A subterranean lake. He crouched down, touched his finger to the surface.
Hate. Rage.
He’d almost forgotten this lake was here. The water was cold despite a slice of fresh hot water flowing in from above. The heat dissipated fast in the vastness. He pulled his hand back. Red stains coated his hand. Purple liquid dripped from his fingertips. Poison, all of it. All he had to do was drink it down, this poison he owned, brimming inside of his soul. Drink it down and let it burn him through. Maybe then he would stop caring; maybe then the fear would end.
A body crowded into his. When had the door opened? Arms laced around his neck. Lips ghosted against his cheek. Slim legs worked themselves under his thighs. His hands opened, accepting warmth inside the circle of his arms, drawing in the creature pressing against him.
“DaSu.”
Damian blinked, coming back to himself.
“Let’s go to bed.” Jun tugged Damian to his feet. “They made up one of the foldout couches for us.”
Damian clung to Jun under the covers. At one point, Rue and Kimbo climbed in with them. He could barely open his eyes, but Jun handled it, getting everyone under covers and shushing them gently. He waited for annoyance to come, but the presence of the kids against his back brought only peace.
Sleep came in fragments, familiar nightmares breaking up his rest into fits and starts, never fully waking him but never letting him reach deep slumber.
Morning came too soon, but with it came relief. Cedric’s wife, Anna, showed up as did Hypatia and Alice. Cedric and his brother, Kellen, a more recent addition to the security team, were on duty with the kids for the day. Anna joked that she’d never been able to accompany her husband to work before.
Damian checked in with Armada before leaving. She had Habibi in her lap and was giving him his bottle. “You sure you’re okay with Hypatia and the rest?”
Armada nodded. There was a grimness around her mouth when she looked anywhere but at Habibi. She picked up her phone and held it out to him, unlocked. The screen was cracked, and it looked like it was eight generations out of date. Dalia was blowing up the screen, demanding answers for everything from where Howser was to when Armada was getting her ass home.
Damian went into Armada’s contacts and blocked her. “We’ll get you a new number.”
Armada shrugged. “I’m not answering unless I have to for court?”
“You don’t have to answer anyone but your appointed guardian and anyone I designate. At least until your birthday.”
Armada nodded. A little stress lifted from her forehead. “What’s the plan?”
“Jun and I are going to be out until tomorrow, possibly Monday morning. Welwick has already agreed to keeping everyone out of school until Thaddeus is caught. Hypatia is staying here. I’m leaving her in charge. You have Cedric and Anna as well. Alice is here. She brought toys for the kids. There’s nothing planned. Just rest.”
Armada nodded again. Words were in short supply this morning. “And after today?”
“I—” Damian cut off his words. He had never lied to Armada. He wasn’t going to start now. “I don’t know. Everything could change as soon as Thaddeus is arrested.”
