Page 1 of Dreams
Chapter One
How long does it take to be okay again after a loss? Two years? Five? Does it ever get better?
It had been one long year, 365 days, since Taylor Scott lost the only boy she’d ever loved. She remembered all the things people said to her since it happened. Things like “You’re young, it’ll be okay,” or “It’ll just take time.” But now some of that time had passed, and she didn’t feel any better. She didn’t really feel anything at all.
“You okay, sweetie?” her dad asked, giving her a knowing look as he parked the car on the side of the road.
To most of the people in Portland, he was Coach Scott, the man who led the Portland Winterhawks hockey team to the Memorial cup title the year before.
Taylor made a noncommittal sound in the back of her throat, but her dad knew better than to press the issue.
She stepped out onto the curb as her mom detached her three-year-old sister, Evie, from the car-seat. Robin Scott was the ultimate coach’s wife. In junior hockey, the players were just teenagers. Most of them were far from home, living with host families. Robin made sure each one of them had everything they needed, including a mother hen. They all loved her. Danny had loved her.
Taylor hadn’t cried at the church a year ago. Her eyes remained dry as they lowered him into the ground. It hadn’t quite felt real yet. That changed as she faced the reality of living without him. She spent the last year in the kind of haze that’s created when you can’t really believe what your life has become. No one ever thinks they’re going to lose the love of their life- at least, not at eighteen.
Today, on the anniversary of Danny’s death, was the memorial service. It was supposed to be happy, a celebration of his life. She didn’t want to cry in front of other people, but she couldn’t bring herself to smile either.
They all expected her to break down at any moment. Her parents watched everything she did, just waiting for the sorrow to overwhelm her. Her friends walked on eggshells around her. After it happened, Danny’s teammates, dealing with their own grief, had rallied around her. Over time, she pushed them away. She pushed everyone away and put her future on hold.
College had been deferred, friends had been forgotten. She didn’t know how she could live her life when she didn’t care about any of it anymore.
Cars lined the long driveway and the street leading up to it. Taylor had made this walk so many times before. The big house in front of her belonged to her best friend Sarah’s family. Sarah was the one friend who held on to Taylor tighter the more she tried to push everyone away.
But it wasn’t just Sarah that’d lived within those walls. For two years before his death, Sarah’s family hosted Danny Brown. He was sixteen when he first arrived. Sarah had raved to Taylor about the cute boy that moved in. When she finally met him, he was goofy and a little out there, but he had a smile that immediately put her at ease. He was cute in an awkward sort of way. It wasn’t long before they were spending every free moment together. Danny loved her with everything he had. He never did anything half-way. It made her feel special, like she could do anything as long as he was there. For two years there was so much joy in their lives.
A month before it happened, Danny was drafted in the second round by the Tampa Bay Lightning. She knew he probably wouldn’t make the team for at least another year or two, but she planned to go with him when he did. She could go to college anywhere. They had dreams - to be together.
But then they were ripped away the moment she saw him collapse on the ice during training.
“Taylor!” Sarah’s voice cut through Taylor’s thoughts as the door before them was flung open.
“Hey Sarah, dear.” Taylor’s mom shifted Evie in her arms so she could give Sarah a one armed hug.
They were welcomed into the throng of people who were there for Danny. He was loved. Whether it be teammates he had over the years or his extensive extended family. Everyone was here.
Sarah looped her arm through Taylor’s and steered her away from her parents to the back of the house.
“Are you okay?” Sarah leaned in to whisper.
“No,” Taylor responded shortly. Sarah was the one person she’d ever admit that to. Over the past year she practically made a sport of convincing people she was fine. No one believed her, but they stopped asking.
It might have been the way she walked through her life like a zombie, not really registering anything. Her parents made her get a job when she decided not to go to college in the fall, mainly to force her to get out of the house.
She couldn’t remember the last time she laughed or had fun. It was an emotionless existence, but it was easier than the alternative, better than forgetting and moving on.
A couple of the guys from the team saw her and took their turns giving her hugs.
“You look beautiful, Tay,” Garret, the captain of the team, whispered into her ear as he squeezed her in a bear hug. “Danny would’ve loved this.” He gestured to the yellow dress she was wearing.
It was a well-known fact that Danny’s favorite color was yellow. He just loved it. And his teammates gave him endless beef about it.
If it was up to Taylor, she wouldn’t be wearing it. Her mom had insisted that she needed to wear something bright for a memorial service and Danny’s color was perfect. It was Taylor’s favorite dress, even though she hadn’t worn it in over a year and knew she’d never wear it again after today.
“Thanks,” she said dully as Garret released her.
“We’re going to miss you around here.”
“Yeah,” Sarah piped in with fake offense in her voice. “I can’t believe you’re leaving me.”
