Page 101 of Dreams
Chapter Twenty-Three
It was late when the Columbus skyline came into view. Taylor was asleep in the seat next to him, so Josh just headed to his apartment.
The situation was surreal. Coming back to a city where he didn’t really have a place anymore. His contract would run through July, but then he’d be jobless. He didn’t know how to do anything else. He came to Columbus to play hockey, and now he wasn’t quite sure why he was here.
Looking at the sleeping girl next to him, he realized that was wrong. He knew exactly why he was there.
Mack wouldn’t be back in town until tomorrow, so the place was dark when he got there. Taylor murmured in his arms as he carried her towards his room and placed her on the bed.
When he checked his phone, there was a text from Mack. His team won the game and according to him he’d “killed it”.
Josh’s chest suddenly felt tight. He gripped the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it into a basket in the closet. Walking into the bathroom, he saw himself in the mirror. How was he supposed to know who he was anymore? What would define him?
The porcelain sink was cold under his hands as he gripped it tightly and hung his head, trying to breathe. He turned the faucet on and felt the iciness on his fingertips. Releasing the sink with his other hand, he cupped them together and splashed water on his face. It dribbled down his chin and onto his chest.
These moments alone were the hardest. When he was surrounded by other people who were all telling him he’d be okay, he could believe it. But now the doubt crept in, filling the empty spaces of his mind. The spaces that used to be reserved for the next game. The next practice. The next time he’d get to pull those laces tight and wear that jersey. The next time he’d feel whole.
He blew out a frustrated breath, hating the fact that he kept returning to such a dark place. The towel was scratchy on his skin as he dried his face.
Walking back into the bedroom, he removed his pants, climbing into bed in just his boxers.
Taylor had fallen asleep in her clothes, and her jeans were rough against his legs as he pulled her to him. She snuggled closer and he buried his face in her neck, wanting so much for her to pull him back into the light.
His hand skimmed the skin underneath the bottom of her shirt. Still half asleep, she took his hand in both of hers and curled around it.
“I love you,” she murmured, so low he almost didn’t hear it.
His chest loosened slightly, and he was finally able to fall asleep.
* * *
Josh owed it to the fans. That was the only reason he was here right now. The only reason he’d agreed to the press conference.
He’d been back in Columbus for almost a week, meeting with management and basically just waiting. He didn’t know what to do with himself most days. Taylor was catching up on all the school she’d missed, and the team was away on a road trip. That’s why they waited to talk to the press. The optics. Management thought it’d look better if the coaches and his line-mates were there with him.
Josh wasn’t going to argue that. It was going to be the hardest day of his life, the official end of his career, and he didn’t want to do it alone.
Mack put a hand on his shoulder, jolting him back to the reality of the situation. Coach Scott and Coach Peterson walked up.
“You ready?” Coach Scott asked.
Josh glanced out to where the media were interviewing the GM about something entirely different. He stood up when he was finished and walked towards them.
“As I’ll ever be,” Josh said, nervously tugging on his suit jacket. His blond hair had been cut short and styled. He’d worn one of his best suits, and a tie that had always been lucky for him.
He looked ready. His mind was just catching up.
His coaches took their places at the long table, with an empty seat between them. Mack waited in the background. Josh’s legs were stiff as he strode across the room with a confidence he didn’t feel. He’d never been good in front of the cameras. Microphones always made him nervous.
Playing in Mack’s shadow, he’d been able to avoid much of the spotlight. This wasn’t the end of it. He still had one last radio interview to do. Then it really was over.
The chair scraped loudly against the concrete as he slid it back before sitting down and scooting forward. He put his elbows on the table and leaned forward towards the microphone. The faces before him were expectant. It was the end of January. There were still a few weeks until the trade deadline before the playoffs, and the All-Star game was over. They were starved for real stories. Stories that would get the readers. A twenty-one-year-old professional athlete ending his career fit that bill.
“Hello,” Josh stammered. He looked sideways at Coach Scott, who gave him an encouraging smile as he nodded toward the microphone.
Josh cleared his throat. “I’m Josh Walker.” He stopped realizing the stupidity in that statement, wishing there was a script for this. “But I guess you already know that, since you’re here.”
There were a few chuckles. Josh wasn’t trying to be funny. He scratched the back of his neck. “I… uh… You’re probably all wondering why you’re here. What the big news is.” He stalled as he tried to force his mouth to form the words.
